


A Million Tiny Suns

by LNJames



Series: Suddenly Everything Has Changed [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, COINTELPRO or The Weather?, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Minor Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Slow Burn, SuperCorp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 01:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 81,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9360356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LNJames/pseuds/LNJames
Summary: Kara Danvers is searching for the truth, about herself, about Lena Luthor and about what is happening to National City. What forces are at work in a city where fact becomes fiction when the weather changes and no one can tell the difference?Season 2 re-imagined. Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.





	1. Blowing in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> Up toSE218 - 'Ace Reporter'
> 
>  
> 
> Want more of this? Part II, _Black Star_ , continues here: 
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/11030811/chapters/24585594

Winter is a curious affair in National City. It either brings out the most neutral in people (as if that is an actual state of being) or the worst with little room in between for sunny dispositions and charity towards others. Most years, winter is a bearable, if dreary time, with a chilly wetness and a string of cloudy days. City denizens rush from office building to coffee shop in waterproof boots and jackets held tight by gloved hands. It never really lasts long, a few weeks in late December and January that give way to breaks in the grey skies and a string of sunny crisp days into February. Most lament those few weeks with dour expressions and hurried words, neither giving encouragements to others or asking for such in return.

Neutral National City meant people and aliens basically focused on getting by, rather than getting into trouble. It meant a quiet time for the DEO, where focus turned to preventative R&D and study rather than active interventions and firepower. NCPD gave out parking tickets and DUIs instead of mapping violent crime scenes or negotiating hostage situations. Criminal masterminds hunkered down with a good book near the fire and drank lemon-ginger tea instead of plotting the overthrow of the alien or human race, depending on their persuasion. National City in the middle of a very normal, very neutral winter meant that one particularly energetic, exuberant, cheerful sun-loving inhabitant was going out of her very Kryptonian mind.

Kara Danvers made it her life’s mission during these gloomy winter weeks to smile at everyone she met in hopes of achieving a 1 to 100 return on her investment. For every 100 people she tried to dazzle the life into with that smile, she would settle for a hint of one upturned corner of a mouth. She needed some kind of light source if the sun wasn’t going to cooperate and, what was both her biggest asset and liability, her faith in other people was unshakeable. So even if the odds were not in her favor, Kara kept trying. That quality, of course, is why she was Supergirl and a little seasonal affective blues were not going to bring down a superhero.

“Good morning, Sammy! You look great, I really love what you’ve been doing with your hair, it’s so cute.”

Her favorite barista at Noonan’s stared back at Kara and blinked. They were wearing a black wool beanie, pulled low just as they had since winter officially “began”. Kara Danvers had been coming in for coffee and pastries every morning and every morning, Sammy looked at her like she was the alien that she was for being too bright and too much at 730am.

“Um, thanks. You too.”

This was mumbled at Kara as eyes were shifted downward and espresso was ground and pressed.

“It’s going to be a great day, I can feel it, can’t you?”

Kara tried again, willing her smile, like her heat vision, to penetrate the grump and the gloom and make someone’s day. Optimism concentrated in one singular person was really just too much. Unlike the flu, that same optimism didn’t spread easily in winter so Kara was like patient zero suffering alone in a non-existent plague of happiness. And honestly, baristas were a notoriously unpredictable bunch, taken to random acts of kindness and not-so-random acts of surliness no matter the season. While Sammy liked her most days, it was unlikely they were going to catch what Kara had.

“Three lattes and seven crullers, your usual.”

“Thank you, Sammy. You always make the best coffee in town, honest. Have a nice day!”

Kara tried once more with a smile before she just slid her card in the reader and signed the receipt, adding a little smiley face wearing a beanie on it next to her name as one last defiant act of hope. The barista took the receipt and the compliment with just a ghost of smile back across the countertop. It was enough for Kara whose return wattage lit up the room as she spun and made her way out into the early morning gloom. Yes, this would be a good day, Kara Danvers was going to will it so.

**

“Here you go, James. Happy Friday!”

Kara breezed into CatCo offices doling out coffee to her friend and interim CEO, James Olsen. Ever since Ms. Grant left, she had felt the void in bringing caffeine joy to others so she made do. James had none of Ms. Grant’s precise and cutting disposition and all of the easy going nature that first drew Kara to him.

“A latte a day makes me a happy guy, especially in this weather. Thank you, Kara.”

James smiled wide and Kara kept count, another one for Team Happy. Since they had gotten the whole ‘are we in love with each other’ thing out of the way (answer: yes, they loved each other, but were not ‘in love’ which took both of them a fair amount of time to process after Kara called things off), they still gravitated toward each other in the way that time and shared adversity does among like-minded co-workers. She had confused affection and kinship with longing and these things happened between people who were better friends than lovers. It was easy with James now and Kara was no longer distracted by her feelings for him.

In the back of her mind, she knew that what she was searching for was the same feeling she had when she fell from the sky, unleashed, wild, and terrifyingly awesome. And because Kara Danvers was optimistic, she believed she would find that feeling soon.

“Hey, have you talked to Snapper about a lead on an illegal gambling hall on the north side? It’s not much, but it’s something and that’s all we’ve got right now. Slow news day.”

James sipped the latte and looked up at Kara, seeing a spark in her eyes.

“What?”

Kara shifted in her navy peacoat and took off her gloves, juggling the pastries and coffee. She was dressed for the weather with a soft light blue sweater and plaid skirt with warm leggings and boots. She pulled off her wool hat and smoothed out her hair, tucking stray strands behind her ear and adjusting her ponytail again. With a breath, she flashed a playful grin as she moved to go.

“Slow news days make me itchy, James. Do you know the last time I had to stop a huge bar brawl or take down an entire criminal organization or alien fight club? Too long, James, too long.”

Kara could slip into and out of Kara Danvers, Kara Zor-El, and Supergirl with James and with her former co-worker Winn Schott without preamble. There was no need to hide or lie about who or what she was with a few select friends and that made life incredibly easier for her. If there was one thing Kara hated, it was not honoring the truth. So much of her past and the crushing disappointments and loss that came with it were the direct result of a lack of transparency and honesty that she craved. Her real parents, Astra, Eliza and Jeremiah, J’onn, even Alex had all kept things from her or made her keep things from others in the name protecting her, shielding her or the world from the truth. Lies of omission, really. And that was the hardest fall she had had to make here on earth, recognizing that all of the people that she loved all had left out facts and that she was no better.

But the truth was a funny thing. It could set you free or it could burn you alive from the inside out. She found that out first hand with Red Kryptonite. All the things she had kept from the people she loved came out as burning white hot malice. Her lies of omission, her buried truths were weaponized and hurtful. There had been truth to what she said to those she loved. Look what it had done though? It had caused pain and panic and doubt. When was it better to omit the truth than to tell it? Humans and aliens were no different in many ways, each prone to the failings of the heart over the head.

Kara knew that this struggle wasn’t over for her yet, not now. She kept one remaining nugget of truth tucked away, private and hidden and locked up, like a piece of red kryptonite held in cold storage, dangerous and tempting all at once. One day, it would seep out of her pores and possibly ruin everything she had carefully created of her life now. The cost of falling from the sky was eventually hitting the ground. But today, she was going to seek out whatever good she could find in the middle of National City’s winter blues.

“It’s going to be a great day!”

And with that, Kara Danvers bit into her morning pastry with gusto and made her way to her office, bright yellow accents awaiting her like tiny suns.

**

By noon, the stony grey sky changed color every so slightly to the color of smoke and sidewalks. The barometer dropped a few bars and only those who felt such things in their joints and knees noticed. If you knew what snow smelled like, you knew what was coming. The screens at CatCo started showing weather maps instead of scrolling news of politicians droning on and on interspersed with celebrity sightings and viral kitten videos. Most of National City welcomed the interruption from the banal and CatCo catered to the remaining by keeping the kitten videos embedded in the corner of the map. Ms. Grant knew that a potential weather apocalypse was news coverage you could count on and James Olsen wasn’t one to mess with a winning formula.

“Snapper, you called?”

Kara navigated herself into the newsroom pit, jostled by the comings and goings of reporters and editors, bumping into her and careening off like carefully orchestrated pinballs on their way to the next story. She was slowly picking up the pace of being a reporter and the constant shifting of focus, the ebb and flow of a story lead that pans out or dies. What drove her was the pursuit, the chase. As a reporter, it was for the truth. As a superhero, it was for justice. But that feeling, of searching, finding, and catching, was heady. Kara knew herself well enough now to know that this is also what thrilled Supergirl, made her catch her own breath at times. Noble reasons drove them both, but underneath their respective suits, Kara was a passionate woman and her emotions and feelings often dominated while her body reacted. The head and the heart were always at war in Kara Danvers and her chosen life reflected that struggle.

“I didn’t call you, Danvers. I may have cursed your name under my breath after reading your story on viral kitten videos. I have no idea why you are even in this room sometimes.”

Kara blinked, her super hearing must have missed the curse words and only heard her name. She noticed that the latte she had brought him this morning sat untouched. It was maddening, really, because Kara positively was not going to give up on trying with this man, no matter how difficult and belittling he was to her. Snapper refused anything she brought him out of some old man priggish notion of withholding joy from others who derived it from giving freely. Kara Danvers put up with Snapper because she was willing to take her lumps in the business as her mentor, Cat Grant, had done the same. And because she had a terminal case of optimism, Kara decided that Snapper’s demeanor towards her would not be because she did not try.

_For the record, the notion that Snapper was a patriarchal buffoon with no redeeming qualities had come from Maggie Sawyer, her sister’s girlfriend, after Kara had mentioned his fourth coffee refusal in a row over dinner last night. Alex had smirked when Maggie started in on the patriarchy and the bullshit women had to put up with from male bosses and ended with a dissertation about compulsory heterosexuality and Adrienne Rich._

_“Maggie, your old school women’s study minor is showing.”_

_Alex had said this while pouring another glass of wine and squeezing her girlfriends knee, charmed by the cop’s fiery eyes and smile. They were easy with each other now, after everything had been laid bare between the agent and the cop and things had settled into a new normal for them and for Kara. It meant sharing her sister with someone else and it meant someone else made Alex happy and full in a way Kara never could. She wasn’t jealous, just slightly torn from being so completely intertwined with Alex that at times, it was hard for both of them to realize they no longer had to be everything for each other. When you love someone as much as Kara loved Alex, you want them to feel complete and to have something of their very own that makes them as happy as Maggie was making her sister. Kara had her focus, her mission as Supergirl and her job at CatCo and her adopted and found family and friends. Alex had the same, except now, her heart had someone else to hold dear._

_Kara’s heart, the one that made her who she was, the one that made her brave and fearless and full of hope, felt like an endless cup that she couldn’t quite fill. There had been James, of course, but we know how that went. The truth was that Kara knew what she was missing and that elusive feeling she pursued would drive her to the ends of the earth to find it. She had a lead, like any good reporter did, and she was going to chase it down until it was hers. Alex had said that she could see the way James made her feel but Kara knew that if Alex saw what she was really feeling, it would not go over quite as well._

_“One of us has to bring little Danvers up to speed on ‘herstory’. Snapper is a sexist pig.”_

_Maggie laughed as she kissed Alex and they looked at each other in that way new lovers do, all consuming and forgetful of the company. Kara took another bite of her lasagna and pointed her fork at them, catching their eye as she swallowed and softly spoke._

_“You know..maybe Snapper is the way he is because he’s lonely and sad and doesn’t really have anything else going on in his life to balance it all out like you two do. Maybe he doesn’t want to appear weak by letting someone else in. Alex.”_

_And her sister raised an eyebrow and her wine glass with a smile._

_“Touche’’”_

_“Or maybe his privilege clouds his judgment and treatment of women in the workplace as equals and he needs to be woke. Be the one to wake him, Kara.”_

_Maggie pointed out and they all laughed because honestly, if anyone could do that, it would be Kara. They dug back into their dinner as Maggie started to talk about an old case she once helped on involving butterflies and missing girls._

_**_

“Earth to Danvers!”

Snapper was staring at her, impatiently and her smiled turned unsure.

“What, I am on earth, I mean, um, I’m here. Sorry, you were saying?”

Her boss took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes while his voice was gravel.

“I was saying go find something useful to do, Danvers, find some news like it was your job. Source out the gambling hall rumor and get me something by the end of the day. The weather is not news in my world.”

Kara pulled out her notebook and read out a few notes to him as his eyes scanned a copy.

“Um, so the gambling ring turned out to be three older ladies hosting a bingo party for their friends. No money exchanged hands, just bragging rights. Mrs. Williams might be cheating, according to those who have attended. I dug into the ‘gambing hall’ and its the basement of the North Main St Presbyterian Church. No news there.”

Snapper just glared at her over his glasses. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days and had been living off of fast food and nicotine. She turned the page.

“But, and I know you think this isn’t news, but Bryan down in meteorology, you know, the one with the toupe’? Which, by the way, is no secret. There’s a fake twitter account called BryansRug with funny hashtags and his dog also has an Instagram which is pretty cute.”

Snapper cleared his throat, anger rising to redden his face. He growled.

“Danvers…”

Kara pushed her glasses up and turned the page again.

“Sorry, sir. The thing is, Bryan is seeing some weird anomalies in the weather models. The barometric pressure keeps going up and down and the clouds seem to be forming irregular shapes and are..”

She peered down at her notes again and looked back at him, rushing her words before he shut her down completely.

“They are all gathering above National City, like all of them in the country, stacking up “like pancakes”, Kara airquotes, “as Bryan explained. He’s never seen it before. He says we are about to either get a massive flood of biblical proportion or a million inches of snow. His words. Which seem a bit alarmist now that I read it outloud.”

Snapper looked to the sky and took a deep breath. Honestly, it wasn’t that he didn’t like this ball of literal sunshine Cat Grant had written into his binding contract with his promotion that legal said could not be changed because he tried that. It’s just that Melanie had left him over the summer and his kids chose to live with their mom in Metropolis so he rarely saw them and his cat (Smokey George) had run off in October with no sightings despite all of the posters he had printed and hung up and his mother’s health was failing, his father long gone, and his only friends consisted of Barney from accounting (alcoholic, but bright) and Charlie who was a plumber who wrote detective novels on the side that never sold so he had to read poorly written copyedits at the bar with them both on the nights when he wasn’t heating up a frozen dinner and sitting in his underwear watching Netflix and smoking the cigarettes that he knew would one day kill him. So, no, Kara Danvers wasn’t his problem, it was that he just could not wrap his mind around the promise that her youth, enthusiasm, and passion held because his days of such things were long gone. Snapper felt the loss only time can take from someone. Plus, he hated winter. Always had.

“Go. Find. The. News.”


	2. Like the Weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Kara spent several hours studying obscure jet stream models, pulling information from the internet, talking with meteorologist Bryan and others who had joined him, consulting the Farmers’ Almanac (FYI: it will be a good year for corn and soybeans, plus handy tips for canning tomatoes), and walking outside with her eyes to the sky and her hands held out to feel the air. She had been tempted to fly into the rapidly changing columns that roiled up and down in the sky as Supergirl just to take some measurements and analyze the ‘feel’ of the clouds. She considered herself something of a connoisseur of them, really. In the summer, they were airy, dry, silky, like goosedown or gossimer. When a storm came in, they felt like electric cotton balls, scratchy and wetly heavy at the same time. Sometimes the clouds jetted past her in a hurry, like a silk train on a mission, other times they rolled slowly, resolutely forming their magical shapes. She knew their taste, their smell, and how they changed the way she flew, buffeting or pushing or pressing her down or sideways. Supergirl learned her clouds like she would a lover and Kara Danvers wanted up there.

“Alex, what’s the word? Anything? I want to go check it out as Supergirl.”

Kara was on her cell, leaning up against one of the glass walls rising and forming CatCo’s structure. She had just come in from outside, coat buttoned, and cheeks were brushed red from the wind. Out in the weather, National City citizens were cautious, scurrying to and from their buildings, eyes to the sky. As Kara unwound her scarf, the first flakes of snow began to fall.

“Not yet, Kara. I want us to know exactly what we’re dealing with before you go up into it. The energy signatures we’re starting to see could lead to spatial disorientation so I want us to be cautious.”

Kara sighed and looked at her watch, the digital hands showing pointing to 10:30. Which was weird, it felt a lot later than that. She was getting itchy for action, the winter lull weighing on her. Kara knew her own tendencies to fly headfirst into a situation before gathering all the facts, it was both a blessing and a curse. Leaders often acted when others were paralyzed by indecision and sometimes it cost them, but other times, it led to unexpected wins. 

Over the last year of Kara’s emergence as Supergirl, she let her emotions and feelings drive her to action before her head had fully thought through the consequences - the time she and Barry rushed in to meet Livewire and Silver Banshee without a plan comes to mind. Her trust in her own intuition was starting to develop along with her physical skills, but like a muscle, it needed constant exercising. She naturally saw the good in everyone and gave them the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong, and it mostly worked. She was much more circumspect with criminals and the aliens who supported them of course - she had enough experience to pick that lesson up. But Kara’s trust in others had one fatal flaw, she assumed those closest to her would not betray it (and we all know how that had worked out with her parents and Astra). Still, she was who she was even if her heart had a few more callouses on it than before.

“Alex, we’re wasting time. What if it’s an alien swarm or..”

Alex sighed and continued.

“No alien or alien tech that we can see, Kara. It doesn’t appear to be affecting other parts of the country. Our drones have taken samples and we’re not seeing any abnormalities chemically or any electromagnetic variances, yet, but we don’t have enough data. It seems the jet streams have all converged and the air above the city is fluctuating in barometric pressure at random intervals. All flights in and out of the city have been shut down and right now, I can’t afford for you to go into the unknown.”

Kara blew out a breath as she watched, her feet pushing up like she wanted to take off. The large-screen monitors down in the lobby of CatCo had Bryan’s face on it and the kitten videos were replaced by weather webcams starting to show snowfall across the city. Outside, people at bus stops looked at their watches, waiting for a ride home or to their next stop. A few people streamed into the building with coffee and breakfast donuts.

“Kara, I have Winn running statistical models to determine the probability that this may be naturally occurring. Patience, please. The more facts we know about this, the better we’re prepared to act. Communication devices are starting to act wonky and the city’s servers are experiencing intermittent outages and delays. We haven’t ruled out plain old bad weather and bad luck as the cause just yet.”

At that, Winn Schott cut into the conversation, his excited voice coming clear over the line.

“Kara, I downloaded all the weather data available since we’ve been keeping records - wind speeds, air pressure, moisture, heat conduction, ground temperature, all of it. For good measure, I also threw in some data we have from Jupiter - wait, hear me out.”

Kara has not said anything and had only scrunched up her face in confusion, surely Winn hadn’t heard that. He continued in a rush.

“I was inventorying and coding planetary weather patterns last year for fun, as you do. Or as I do or did. So I noticed these cluster storms that formed on Jupiter that were really cool, striated waves and atmospheric dust, wild fluctuations in pressure. Anyway, when the clouds began to form over National City, their pattern was not unlike some of those striations so I thought why not and included that data into my model.”

Kara adored Winn, always had, from that first day at CatCo. They had grown close over the year as he transitioned from super smart co-worker to talented DEO analyst. He was one of the first friends she ever had who knew who she really was, who knew Kara Zor-el. That day when she told him who she really was is still etched in her head, coming out with no more lies of omission. The look on his face when he watched her hold out her arms and fall over the edge of the roof before flying up joyfully was priceless. She considered him more of a soul brother than anything, even when she knew he had feelings for her. That had been painfully, yet sweetly clear to her and she hated that she just didn’t feel it because she hated someone feeling that kind of longing towards her that she just couldn’t reciprocate except from a place of friendship. 

Like with James, she and Winn had come to an place where it wasn’t weird and it wasn’t awkward and as long as Kara didn’t catch Winn in a storeroom at the DEO with one of the agents, they were good. Supergirl depended on her friends to be solid and to not muddy the waters with affection and friendship mistaken for romantic feelings. Again, Kara had learned a few more lessons that she put to good use: When it came to work and life/death situations, colleagues were needed, not lovers. Too many opportunities for feelings to cloud judgment and right now, she needed answers.

“Winn, can I fly in it or not?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Maybe?”

The first was Winn, the second her sister, the last Winn again. Conflicting responses were the story of her life sometimes and Kara started walking towards the door. She had to do something, she had to act, her fingers were starting to get twitchy for want of flight.

“Kara, let me run these models and control for planetary differences and patterns while I’m eating breakfast, it should only take an hour or so before I have what you need.”

Kara didn’t have time to wait around for Winn’s apparently late breakfast and to model out weather data. What she knew right now is what she saw outside in the air. Solid truths, trusty facts. But (this was intuition calling for her attention), she felt like something was about to happen. She needed to fly. Now.

“Kara. Wait.”

Just as Kara had almost clicked off her phone and started unbuttoning her coat, Alex’s voice came over the line. Her words didn’t come out as an order like they usually did when she was in agent-mode, but instead they were softer and Kara stopped. When her sister spoke to her like that, it always slowed her racing heart down just a beat. It was meant to calm and if anyone knew Kara Danvers and Kara Zor-El and Supergirl the best, it was Alex. She knew the balm Kara needed or the motivation or the temperament or the encouragement or the steadying or the pushing, no matter who she was in any given moment. She always had. Alex, who had given everything for her time and time again, knew how best to focus her superhero sister. Kara closed her eyes and listened, standing completely still to tame the energy that sparked in her body.

“I need you to do something first, Kara. Please.”

With her ear to the phone, Kara put her head in her hand and tucked herself into the corner, pressed against steel and concrete and away from prying eyes.

“What is it?”

She could hear Alex take in a breath and suspected what was coming. It was in the back of her mind too, but she wasn’t quite ready to pursue that lead or chase down this source.

“I need you to go to L-Corp and see if Lena Luthor is involved.”

***

Lena Luthor. 

Lena Luthor. 

Lena Luthor.

Oh, let Kara Danvers count the ways that this woman simultaneously drew her in like a magnet and threw her off balance all at once. When Lena was good, she single-handedly made Kara feel as if she were free-falling off a rooftop, her arms outstretched in the air, exultant and sure that the sky would hold her. But also let Kara count the ways in which she felt the earth meet her body in a jarring collision when it came to the same woman. When Lena’s motives were cloudy, she doubted gravity and what it felt like to stand on solid ground. To say it was complicated between them, that what was going on, was...what? 

Obvious? Inevitable? Illusory? Maddening? Terrifying? 

All of the above and more. Kara didn’t have a name, yet, for what Lena Luthor was to her. Her friends and colleagues, her cousin even, had warned against extending trust to this woman. That whole Luthor name thing and what that meant or didn’t mean, the same words Lena had practically spat back in her face as Supergirl during their last real conversation together. And honestly, the way Kara wavered about this woman, even slightly, threw off that whole intuition thing she was honing. 

Her head kept a running count of two columns, one labeled certainty and one labeled doubt, each of which she tried to quantify and weigh. She was certain of Lena’s good deeds and bravery, information and access, and yes, the way she looked at Kara from the start and at unguarded times, Supergirl. The things that made her doubt were alien-detection devices, her mother Lillian, Lex, Cadmus, and their radio silence since she betrayed her mother. Kara’s heart, on the other hand, was the wild card, unpredictable when it came to Lena Luthor, where would it lead her she didn’t know.

Kara pulled her coat closer around her and eyed the sky suspiciously. Snow was swirling around and the traffic lights had stopped working, cars and people navigating the streets with care and uncertainty. She glanced at her watch and cocked her head slightly, not realizing that it was close to 3 in the afternoon. This was part of the problem, Kara Danvers lost track of time when it came to Lena Luthor and trying to make sense of it all. She rounded the corner and walked up the steps to the skyscraper that was L-corp, joining workers who seemed to be just arriving or just leaving work. 

As her boots crossed the marbled lobby floor, her mind replayed the scene from just a month before, where a security man had been severely injured and she was pummeled by the Cyborg Superman sent by Cadmus. They had replaced the pulverized L-Corp sign with a new one and she let her fingers run across it as she walked by towards the elevators. This was where Supergirl had saved Lena Luthor and before it all fell apart between them. She hadn’t had a chance to thank Lena after betraying her mother on behalf of all of alien inhabitants. Yes, yes, of course, she had been pulled to another time for Barry and his friends. A reasonable excuse, true.

But when she returned, Lena had not returned calls or messages from Kara Danvers. And Kara? Fine, she had shrunk away, unable to find the right words or how to say what she wanted or needed to the complex woman that Lena Luthor was. Nothing sounded right (“Oh, hey, was just out of the country, hope all is well!”) when what had transpired was traumatic, epic, and quite honestly, surprising. She hated that she was surprised that Lena betrayed her mother. It fed into everything that the CEO had feared from her. If it had been easy, if they had a simple friendship, it may sting less. But it was complicated. Kara was beginning to hate that word. What was wrong with it being easy for once? Why did everything have layer upon layer of...feelings and doubts and uncertainty? 

Now, being back here in this building and realizing that she would finally be forced to deal with everything that had been left unsaid and unsteady, Kara took a deep breath before pressing the top floor button. Time to be brave, Kara.

“Hi Jess.”

She stopped at Lena’s assistant’s desk, summoning a soft smile. She wasn’t sure how she’d be received and while technically, she had an open invitation to the dimly lit office at the end of the hall, Kara felt like she should wait for permission this time just in case.

“Miss Danvers.”

The young woman’s face betrayed nothing, it was professional and guarded as she shifted her tablet to the side and looked up at the Catco reporter, waiting.

“So, Ms. Luthor isn’t really expecting me and I would have called ahead, but I was in the neighborhood and um, I wondered if she was available?”

Jess stood and regarded her curiously, her eyebrow raised.

“Available for what, may I ask?”

Kara shifted and adjusted her glasses at the question. For want of movement, she pulled off her wool hat and smoothed her hair down. She needed something to do with her hands and the nervous energy flowing from her shoulders to her fingertips. She swallowed before nodding her head and held up a notepad, as if that made everything crystal clear.

“For comment. On the weather. Outside.”

At that, Jess shifted her eyes to the window and regarded the winter day. Sure, it looked a little ominous and it was snowing a bit, but it was close to the end of the work day. That just meant a sloppy commute home and wet socks. With a cock her head, Jess pronounced the words individually, her voice lifting at the end.

“The weather.”

Kara took a breath in and smiled sweetly, used the same one from this morning with Sammy the barista, the one she pulled out when she was really working on her return on investment. Come on, Jess, choose the light, see this smile, choose being happy, help a sister out. Kara’s words were soft.

“Yes, the weather.”

She contemplated saying more, but let it sit there. She and Jess stared at each other and Kara’s smile got sweeter. The assistant was the first to blink as she looked down and let her fingers pull up her tablet and Ms. Luthor’s schedule. She scrunched up her face a little and scrolled down.

“Weird, I thought it was almost five, but it’s late. Her schedule is clear. I’ll call down.”

She spoke in quiet words that Kara could not help but hear, even picking up the sigh that escaped Lena’s lips at her name. She nodded at Kara and used her eyes to point her down towards the door at the end of the hall and towards the office that Kara and Supergirl both knew well. Score one for the superhero.

As the reporter walked off, Jess started shutting down and heading out, if she was going to catch the last bus on her route left, she needed to hurry. Glancing at her watch, she had ten minutes before it was 8 and she hurried out of the building and into the weather. The day felt like it flew by but winter still sucked. She’d grab carry out for her and Anton, the patent officer she had fallen for over the summer, a fellow grad student from Stanford who made her happy in a way she never thought possible. L-Corp was her life and she’d do anything for Ms.Luthor, but honestly, she just wanted to go to Russian ballets and read books about art history and have her boyfriend cook for her, pour wine, and rub her feet and encourage her as she figured out how to move up in the company so that she could maybe set her own hours and lead a team of R&D scientists in green energy. Jess had dreams too, in case you wondered.

**

Kara reached for the door handle to Lena’s office, letting her fingers hesitate while her very human-feeling alien heart was pounding. She adjusted her glasses and and pushed stray strands of hair from her face before she pushed open the door. Lena’s office was clean, crisp, and white like the snow falling outside. Cold, even, though the fresh flowers helped - they were like tiny little gardens of life amidst the marble and glass. Kara swallowed at the scent in the room.

Her eyes blinked slightly to the dark grey skies outside the penthouse windows, lights in neighboring towers blinking in the inky haze. The weather was starting to throw off her senses, she had arrived in the building in daylight and now it was dark. This whole day felt off, morning felt like it just happened, the hours spent researching earlier seemed to stretch on, the work day was over and yet it had just started. She’d work through all of that in her head as soon as she could but right now, she was preoccupied.

A month was a long time on earth. Lots of things can happen or not happen. What could happened is exactly what did: Kara Danvers (and Supergirl) and Lena Luthor had not occupied the same space or exchanged a word since Lillian Luthor was put in the back of an NCPD squad car. What didn’t happen was an endless set of possibilities, thousands of words, any number of feelings real or imagined, and the look that was now passing between them.

“Kara Danvers. What a surprise.”

Lena Luthor stood from her desk, sleek and dangerous, her face shadowed and stormy. Darkness became her and flattered her curves and matched her hair. No smile graced those red lips, blue eyes were like ice chips Despite her words, the L-Corp CEO didn’t look the least bit surprised. 

She looked pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/vvy2k434Klk


	3. Strange Currencies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

There was something about the early morning hours, between five thirty and seven, that was meditative and serene. In the summer, a slow orange glow started fresh and new on the horizon, signaling a new fiery perspective on the day ahead Sometimes pink would soften that flame and gently calm. When winter rolled in, those sunrises were a rare gift and made it hard to get out of bed. One thing that was for certain was the morning would bring a new opportunity to chose to be good, to choose hope over the dark night in which she had tumbled, exhausted and restless into bed. If Lena Luthor believed in baptisms, the morning would be hers. She could begin anew every day.

Growing up, there wasn’t much time in the morning for contemplation much less appreciation of the natural world. There were chores and studies and boarding schools and lessons and half-hearted conversations at the breakfast table - her parents never present, her brother off in his own world, and Lena and her nanny tried to make the best of it, remarking on the weather or something she had heard in school the day before. When she was off at school, she buffeted along the cold walls and avoided the pretty girls, not yet recognizing her own strength. When you’re adopted into a powerful family as a publicity stunt (she learned this later from whispering classmates while tucked hidden in the bathroom stall at lunch), you keep to yourself and survive. Lena was nothing if not a survivor, then as now.

“Lex, darling, one day you will inherit the family business and do us all proud.”

This, her mother was fond of saying at cocktail parties and society dinners. Lilian held court among the stiff backed women who cracked small smiles and sipped their martinis. Lionel would say much the same, though with coarse words and cigars in the parlor. They both would trot out her brother and he, being theirs, would smile and act the part they wanted him to play. They rarely spoke of Lena in ways that implied they were proud of her, using her more as a charitable prop. One of the first lessons she learned was that to tell the truth from a lie, it was better to listen to the tone of someone’s voice than the words they said.

“Look, isn’t our lovely daughter Lena clever? See how well she dances?”

She was seven. And the women’s vodka infused sniggers rang in her ear as she tried to master a plie’ for them like her beloved teacher, Ms. Dvorsky, taught her. Nothing was good enough for the show she was asked to put on for her mother year after year. She knew she was different, that maybe her real family was not like this, that perhaps her birth mother would actually love her piano recitals and her tentative poetry and the complex science projects and her soft, lilting singing that she kept all to herself and never shared. Warmth and affection was a foreign concept in the Luthor family and Lena did the best she could: She prepared herself for a different life, for a world where a morning sunrise was remarked upon and admired, where she could pursue the dreams she had for herself instead of following her adopted family’s cold, hard path.

So, this winter morning in National City, like every morning since she became aware of her own calling, Lena thanked the new day, cleared her mind, and took a deep breath. This was going to be a good day. This was going to be a good day. This was going to be a good day. And then, because she could, she stretched and took her time getting out of her bed, reluctantly pushing aside the deep, soft comforter and sheets warmed by her body. Lena also learned to appreciate little luxuries like this and fresh flowers and a nice Cabernet and dark chocolates and a warm bath and a long walk in the woods - without such things, she feared she would drift into becoming one of those women she despised growing up, bitter, cold and ruthlessly lacking heart. Like her mother.

Today, she had back to back meetings or conference calls, the endless business of running L-Corp the way she believed it should be. As she stepped into the shower and into her morning routine, she ran over agendas and decisions in her head. She demanded that Jess keep her schedule full with no room for anything that was not directly related to moving beyond and past the last few months. She had a lot of damage to repair and holes to plug ever since her mother developed Cadmus right under her nose in an obscure subsidiary company under L-Corp’s portfolio of holdings. She had ordered a full review and audit of all financials, LLC filings, and tax documents related to her company. While her mother’s trial was months away, she was determined to uncover every stone and put in safeguards and fiscal tripwires to avoid any further exploitations. That also meant she had ousted three L-Corp board members in a bloodless coup last week, the remaining vestiges of her parent’s influence.

**

_When Lex Luthor went to prison, Lillian went to work ensuring that Luthor Corp stayed strong and under her control. She lobbied the board and hosted elaborate dinners to discuss company direction and profit potentials with each member, guiding their elbows along the Luthor halls to admire the artwork and pour another scotch in their glass. Lillian was nothing if not conniving and had begun planning her next company moves before the board even met to name a successor to Lex. She poured over year end earnings and structuring documents, new product development lines and projections, staff loyalties and abilities, and of course, how to leverage the might Luthor name to rid the country of its unwanted intergalactic immigrants. Those blueblood veins ran cold and callous in the same way that poison always did its most insidious damage, underneath the surface and hidden._

_“Lillian, can you step inside please?_

_The Luthor board president, Robert Glavin, had opened a door and spoke. Lillian Luthor, waiting in the boardroom’s antichamber, rose from the couch and carefully set down her wine glass, smiling broadly, confidently. Gliding into the room, she moved to take a seat, the fifteen members all turning towards her._

_“Before you sit down, Lillian, we all wanted to let you know that we thought the world of Lionel and of course, Alexander was a strong presence in this company.”_

_Lillian’s carefully composed facade showed no sign of cracks outwardly, though the smile she had plastered on her face never reached her eyes. She began to look around the room and the men and women sitting at the table either avoided her eyes or stared back stone-faced._

_“But the board has decided that we need to go a different direction, one that is more profitable and better able to respond to the market trends, a changing demographic, and perceptive, more palatable qualities that our competitors like Lord Technologies lack. So we have voted to appoint your daughter, Ms. Lena Luthor, as the new CEO of Luthor Corp, effective immediately.”_

_You could have heard a pin drop as Lena’s heels clicked across the building’s marble floor and into the boardroom past her mother, a genuine smile gracing her ruby lips._

_“Mother, fellow board members of Luthor Corp, I’m honored and humbled by this offer and am delighted to accept. I look forward to working with each of you as we take this company in the new direction we discussed. I assure you that your trust in me will not be a disappointment.”_

**

Lena got dressed, carefully preparing herself for the long day ahead, sipping her coffee and eating a small bowl of fruit. She smoothed her skirt and fussed a bit at her silk sleeves before wrapping a soft red wool wrap around her shoulders. Playing across the set of screens in her apartment’s living room, weather maps started turning colors and she peered outside. It was positively soupy and gray up here in high above the city in a building just blocks from L-Corp. She reached for her long black trench coat, purse, and gloves when her cell rang.

“Good morning, Jess.”

Her assistant’s voice came over the line, a little concerned.

“Good morning, Ms. Luthor. Is everything ok?”

Lena fished for the key fob that would lock her apartment door and held the phone in the other hand.

“Of course, Jess. I’m well, why?”

Jess was a conscientious assistant, her right hand, the person she depended on most in the company to get her from place to place and to handle her schedule. She trusted the Stanford grad with prioritizing who she met with and when, preparing her for each meeting with annotated briefs or decision points, and especially coordinating all the logistics of the financial audits and review happening now that her mother was in jail. She certainly couldn’t have done this alone, not after the devastation and fallout from Cadmus and how that fell squarely on Lena Luthor’s shoulders. She had been expecting a bit more support, a kind word or two from her.. acquaintances, but that wasn’t forthcoming. This was not Lena’s first letdown and it would not be her last. She bore the weight of it all and of her history, the Luthor name cast over her shoulders like heavy chainmail, tarnished from the battle.

“It’s just that your car has been waiting downstairs, Ms. Luthor and you’ve already missed your 10:30 meeting. I have you rescheduled, but you’ll be backed up shortly.”

Lena’s dark brows came together and she pulled the phone from her ear, looking at the time on her phone, puzzled. How could it be so late already? Even though she enjoyed a leisurely morning, preferring late nights for work, she must have lost track of the time.

“Shit. I’m on my way. See you soon.”

And with that, Lena Luthor began her day, thoughts of the work she needed to do clouding her head. She threw on her aviators and headed out the door, cursing winter days in National City and their wretched gray starts. She missed the sun.

**

Kara Danvers.

Kara Danvers.

Kara Danvers.

That was a name that had not slipped her lips in a month and so she sighed at hearing it again. In the aftermath of her mother (which made it sound like her mother was a hurricane or tornado, destroying all in its path and honestly, quite an apt description), Lena had not heard a word from her friend Kara Danvers. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, perhaps some recognition of what had happened, maybe an acknowledgement of the emotional and mental struggle put before her and that had won. She supposed that was probably better coming from Supergirl, given their last heated conversation, the one right before Lena switched the isotopes and watched confetti rain down on National City instead of a deadly virus. As with Kara, her relationship with Supergirl was now complicated.

So a month was a long time in Lena Luthor’s world. She was forced to deal with Cadmus fallout at work and to question what about each of those two individuals - Kara and Supergirl - had thrown her so completely off her game. And Lena was not someone who was easily thrown off her game, not anymore. After all, she had learned from the best, the Luthors were a family not accustomed to showing their cards early, to betting on losing dogs, to admitting true feelings for fear of losing an edge. When the board voted Lena in as CEO, Lilian had simply smiled (it certainly did not reach her eyes) and nodded before she shook her own daughter’s hand in congratulations. Lena had learned early on to never let on that something was important to her or something hurt or that she cared about a particular thing or person, because that knowledge would always, inevitably, be used against her in some small way or another. And so, this last month, she turned everything over in her head and came to the same conclusion.

Her feelings for Kara Danvers had compromised her clear judgment and sound mind. She cared, cared what this unexpectedly bright and warm young reporter thought of her, about her. So when she needed that care returned from Kara, it went missing. Weeks went by after the showdown with her mother before she heard from the reporter she considered her friend. She had expected… something? Anything, really. And yet the young woman she had grown close to, had let herself open up to, was missing in action for too long to be considered. That is, Lena thought that Kara would consider her. That was perhaps a mistake, which is why it unsettled her and made solid ground feel so very unsteady when it had been already shaken by her mother’s actions. So Lena did what she did well - regroup, and carry on. She slipped back into Luthor mode, her face and her actions and her feelings guarded against any obvious poker tell. She felt it entirely appropriate to not return calls or messages lest it unhinge her focus again. Right now, L-Corp was where her attention needed to be, not on Kara Danvers and the way she looked at Lena with such warmth.

Now. Supergirl. That was another issue altogether. Her relationship, if you could call it that, with the superhero was equally complicated but for different reasons. Supergirl had saved her life several times and the adrenaline rush each time had clouded her judgment as well. Her feelings for Supergirl were...what? Grateful? Surprised? Excited? Something elusive and buried deep. Perhaps all of the above, which was understandable. She had been around powerful women before, she was one herself and she knew the kinds of feelings that they evoke. But what made it all the more troublesome is that she had expected Supergirl to visit her after the whole Cadmus affair. She had since learned from the DEO and NCPD that her mother had taken something special from Supergirl and used it against her and National City, had endured and suffered at the hand of her mother. It was Supergirl’s own words, about Lena being too smart and too good, that had solidified her decision to double-cross her mother.

_She finally figured out her mother’s plan right after the Cyborg attacked L-Corp and she took stock of what materials and technology they kept at L-Corp headquarters since she had diversified their holdings, set up satellite incubator labs, and transferred most materials and technology elsewhere. She only kept the most valuable or new prototypes in her office, the rest of the building was the administrative, finance, HR, or philanthropic arms of the company. Their newest isotope, Isotope-454, was a dispersary compound that would bind with atomic structures and had been originally developed to inoculate and immunize large populations of rural or isolated countries against disease. It was one of the ways that L-Corps newest unit was democratizing medicine and healthcare, much to the chagrin of Big Pharma. Lena was quite proud of it since it had been her idea and she worked carefully with her elite and agile R &D superstar team to make it happen._

_Lena always kept two prototypes in her office - one that was active and one that was for demonstration and in-house training/publicity. After the Cyborg attacked, Lena knew that someone from the inside had leaked the isotopes existence. Thus, she was able to play offense instead of defense, switching the active for the inert. As Lena liked to say, you can’t play the player and she would not be played any longer. She knew in her heart of hearts, that her mother was behind the attack and when she showed up that night, Lena put on her best performance to date for Lillian and for Supergirl. She could not risk Supergirl knowing what was about to happen or it might jeopardize everything. She couldn’t show her hand to the superhero because it would take all of her will and effort to fool her mother, she couldn’t let anything slip, could not let it show that she cared._

_But had been a moment, earlier, between the two, where time stood still and everything crystallized for Lena, even if she could not name the feeling. She had just gotten off the elevator in the lobby of her building and encountered the chaos happening in front of her eyes. Trevor, the security guard lay injured and a hulking man was fighting Supergirl. She arrived just in time to see that the superhero thrown into the stone signage and she was frozen. And then that moment. That moment she had been replaying for the last month over and over again. Supergirl looked at her. Looked at her like she would a lover. And then she threw her body in front of a concrete wall and saved Lena yet again. She kept coming back to that look over and over again and could not understand why it felt so familiar, so safe, and yet so incredibly dangerous all at once._

So Supergirl. It was complicated. Lena had hoped that she of all people would know the kind of emotional damage and toll that performance to betray her mother had taken on her. Supergirl had seen a spark, had seen the struggle, and had believed in her. And like Kara, she heard nothing and had not seen the superhero since that night. And it hurt, how could it not? Two women that she had grown to care about, in deeply different ways, had left her to pick up the pieces of her broken L-Corp sign and everything else that had shattered with it, alone. Now, Lena Luthor wasn’t one for pity, that would never do in the Luthor household and she was too proud for that in her own right. She didn’t want pity. She wanted Kara Danvers and Supergirl, in whatever capacity, to be there for her in one of her lowest moments. And truly wanting...no, needing something she could not have was not an unfamiliar feeling for Lena, the adopted publicity stunt and unloved daughter. Again, no pity, just the truth. And it hurt.

***

“Ms. Luthor, Kara Danvers is here. I know you have no time for her. Shall I tell her you’re busy.”

Lena sighed and put her hand on her forehead, closing her eyes. She wasn’t sure she had it in her for one more performance, one more poker face, one more wall. But this conversation, this meeting between them was inevitable and quite honestly, the sooner she got it over with the better. Her only hope was that Kara didn’t come in looking like the hopeful, tender caring person she was or Lena would waver. So, as she learned so well over the years, behind any good defense was a strong offense and she knew that striking first might lessen the light Kara naturally emitted like the sun that Lena missed so much.

“Kara Danvers. What a surprise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/LYo2GtEvMQI


	4. Pervigilo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Sometimes, in the dead of winter, in other places, other times, the snow falls just so, a million tiny delicate flakes floating slowly down and laying a blanket across the land. Everything is quiet, everything sparkles, everything is white. In that place and in that time, it is so quiet you can actually hear each tiny ice crystal settle into place. This time, this place feels like home, like a fresh start, like everything will fall into place in just the right way so it’s perfect and meant to be. Standing in Lena Luthor’s white office was not that place and not that time and all Kara felt was the cold.

“Hi...”

Kara spoke quietly and pushed the door closed behind her, not making a move forward yet. There was so much to be said she didn’t know where to begin, but she knew that the only way ahead needed to be warm, needed to be gentle. If she had learned anything about Lena Luthor in their time together, it was that she was made of strong material: an iron will, a stony resolve, an unshakeable determination, and solid walls. Kara would be as soft and gauzy, like the spring clouds that brushed up against the buildings of National City, softening their sharp edges. Looking at Lena now, as she stood behind her desk, arms crossed, green eyes flashing briefly her way, red wool barrier around her shoulders, Kara could see the steel beams holding up the CEO.

“How nice of you to visit, Ms. Danvers. How have you been?”

Without waiting for an answer or looking at the reporter in her office, Lena walked over to the bar and poured herself a drink.

“It’s been awhile. I’m well, thanks for asking.”

The words were petty, distant, icy and Kara flinched at them but didn’t move from her spot by the door. Her eyes watched the dark-haired woman carefully, picking up the hint of Lena’s hand shaking as she brought the glass of amber to her lips. Half of her wanted to steady that hand while the other half was concerned with what would come next.

“Lena..”

She kept her voice soft and warm, stayed still. She wanted to find the right words and the right way before everything slipped into ice and cold winter. The CEO kept her back towards Kara as she turned towards the glass wall of windows looking out over National City. Lena steadied her hand and took another drink.

“Mother always said there’d be days like this. Now I know what she means.”

Kara took a few steps further into the room, just to Lena’s left in the middle of an expanse of white, white desk, white furniture, a white rug, the white noise filling Kara’s ears. She took another breath before speaking quietly.

“Lena, will you please look at me?”

Lena closed her eyes and willed herself to remain where she was, taking another sip that burned. She knew if she looked at Kara Danvers, with the way she was speaking to her, that her resolve would crumble, just as it had the more time she had spent in the reporter’s company.

**

_As she and Jess were going over the guest list for the upcoming L-Corp gala, she had poured herself some tea and stood where she was standing now. The board members, of course, would all be there as would National City’s philanthropic set, many of whom were friends of her parents. She had learned to put aside her distaste of the company of some of the same wives and husbands she was forced to meet and greet during her high school years. At that point, her parents insisted that she and Lex attend all company functions and mingle._

_“Lena, don’t slouch and really, put on something that shows off your eyes. Don’t they teach you how to dress at that boarding school we pay good money to send you?”_

_Her mother would wave her off and expect more and better the next time she came downstairs. Now she used her dress as armor, the high powered style to go along with the kinds of decisions she had to make and the people she had to deal with. Lena Luthor became very good at being in charge and showing it, using that power and yes, a seductive charm to intimidate or cajole businessmen and women all over the world. She figured out what worked with whom and when. In the boardroom and in the lab, she commanded the room._

_But Kara Danvers. That was a different story. Lena jotted her name down on the guest list, ignoring Jess’ raised eyebrow._

_“Publicity, Jess. She’ll be a media invite._

_Jess’ pen hesitated over the draft list and she cocked her head to the side. Lena sighed out a question back to her._

_“What?”_

_“We’ve given out all our media passes and there’s someone coming from CatCo already.”_

_“Fine, put her down as my personal guest.”_

_Jess just stared at Ms. Luthor and nodded, knowing better than to say anything._ _Lena never brought a personal guest to her company’s galas or charity events. She considered them business, her presence there as work. In the time that Jess had been working at L-Corp, as a matter of fact, Lena Luthor never once mentioned her life outside of the office, weekend plans, friends, dates, anyone she shared time with when not here. Lena was a private person, guarded, and liked it that way. Jess was the only one who knew her personal cell phone number and what she liked for lunch. Her passion and interests only came out at L-Corp. That is, until a certain reporter had been granted unlimited access to her boss’ office._

_So yes, Kara Danvers. The first time Lena met her was in this very office, with her companion, Clark Kent. Lena had been direct and on the defensive with him, knowing full well his relationship to her brother, Lex. She didn’t trust Clark and felt his distrust reflected back to her. But Kara Danvers. There was none of that same judgment from her, just a soft glow and curious blue eyes looking at her with an openness that was refreshing. And the way she smiled at her, the way she spoke, the sound of her voice. Lena liked her, despite herself, and as they had chances to meet, she found herself disarmed, undone. She was a mix of awkward nerdiness, dogged determination, and compassionate, gentle interest. Lena was used to a different crowd of women in her circle, in her parent’s world, ambitious and focused, but without spark of kindness. She realized too late that she had a weakness for kindness, for genuine care, and for the light Kara gave off. She should have guessed, really, given her history, but one never really misses the warmth, brightness of the sun until it’s gone._

_“Shall I send Ms. Danver’s invite by courier with the others?”_

_Jess was testing the waters, wanted to see what her boss’ response would be, any little nugget to get a better glimpse of what made Lena Luthor tick._

_“I’m headed to CatCo later today to drop off a few things, I’ll speak with her while I’m there. Why did we decide to include Mrs. Kauffman again, Jess?”_

_Lena took another sip of her tea and looked over her cup at the list of invitees, her only tell was a slight jostling of the liquid in her cup._

**

Kara gently placed her hand on Lena’s shoulder, her fingers touching lightly. She was surprised by the flinch in response so she let her hand drop to her side. She took a breath and decided that she had nothing left to lose.

“Lena, I know you’re angry with me, or maybe disappointed, hurt, and you have every right to be. I wasn’t here when you needed a friend the most and I am really, really sorry. I have no good excuse. What you went through that night, with your mother, it was..I can only imagine how you felt. I am so sorry, for what she did and how it must have made you feel.”

Lena let out a breath and spoke over her shoulder, her eyes not making contact.

“What makes you presume to know how I feel, Kara?”

Kara swallowed at the sting of the words, willing a silky thread of gossamer to make it through all those walls. The CEO’s jaw clenched tighter and she remained standing tall, like the buildings outside, steel and clouds mingling in a cold city. Kara went softer still.

“Because I know you well enough to know you are kind. I know you well enough to know that you care. You’ve shown that to me, Lena, I’ve seen it with my own eyes. How you are with me. And when you are kind and when you care, you can’t help but be deeply affected by the unkind and uncaring acts of others. Of your mother.”

Here, Kara took a breath as she watched the side of Lena’s face, looking for any reaction. Lena closed her eyes and the drink in her hand shook. Kara could hear her heart beating faster.

“Lena, what you did for National City, for its alien population? That was one of the most selfless, heroic acts I’ve ever seen. You saved them. You did that.”

Lena blinked and her shoulders dropped, just slightly and Kara took that as an opportunity. She moved until she was in front of the CEO, catching her eyes and holding them. Kara reached down and took the glass from Lena, setting it aside before letting her fingers find Lena’s hand again, gentle.

“Lena...you saved them and you saved Supergirl. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that means to me. It means..it means the world to me, Lena. Thank you.”

Kara smiled softly at her, ducking her head to make sure she kept Lena’s eyes on hers. Lena knew she had made a fatal mistake. There was no denying what Kara Danvers could do to her, she had spent the last few months trying to do just that. It never worked. She delivered her invitation to the gala in person, surprising herself by how much she truly wanted the reporter’s presence among a sea of distant business strangers. At the gala, Kara was a vision, her awkwardness charming. When the reporter visited after her cover story was published in CatCo magazine, Lena could not help but respond to her, attracted by everything about this young woman. She knew she had fallen, that she cared deeply, and that was the most dangerous thing she could do.

**

_Lena had learned long ago that hugs, like love, were superficial. She certainly didn’t receive either from her adopted family, though Lex was the closest thing she had to the feeling. Until her senior year in boarding school. She had been diligent in her studies, excelling in coursework while eschewing a social life. Most of the girls at the school were like Veronica Sinclair, catty, ambitious, and bitchy. They hugged like it was a duty, superficial side hugs and casual hands on an arm. Lena knew how to deal with those types, her entire life at that point had been full of navigating the social structure and hierarchy of class and privilege. She had a few friends, acquaintances really, who studied together, shared a few nights out, but otherwise, Lena preferred to be alone. It was easier that way, easier to keep people at a safe distance._

_And so, it had surprised her when she began to notice that a classmate, Julia, found excuses to stop by her table at the library to ask about an assignment or would walk with her after class to their dorms. She just seemed to be there, be where Lena was more and more. She was a quiet girl, prone to shy smiles and a soft laugh when Lena’s dry wit came out in exasperation at Veronica and her clique. Julia could keep up with the way Lena’s brain worked, they talked of equations and organic chemistry and philosophy and the arts. All of it. Where Lena was dark, Julia was light. Graduation day arrived, faster than they all could believe, and Lena was preparing to start MIT in the summer, a head start for one with her stellar grades. Right before she got into the car her parents sent to pick her up (they had missed her graduation, citing the relative importance of a business trip to China over a high school graduation), Julia called out her name, quietly with a wave. She asked the driver and Lex (he had come and she adored him all the more for it) to wait._

_“Lena, I am so happy we got to know each other this year. I couldn’t have gotten through it without you, you were my only real friend here. You are going to do some amazing things at MIT, I know. I’ll miss you…”_

_And with that, Julia had hugged her and it was genuine and long and meant something. She finally experienced how another person could make you feel what they felt for you through a hug, she could feel the transfer of warmth and closeness of contact and how it felt to be held, not for show and not to be polite, but because someone cared about you. Lena closed her eyes at that and felt the brush of lips against her neck, warm, before it was gone and Julia was smiling that soft smile of hers, walking away from Lena and waving._

**

Kara still held her eyes, smiling, and Lena hated that that was all it took. With her fingers light against Lena’s hand, Kara Danvers pulled her in and wrapped her arms around, tight. It felt like falling into bed after a long long day, relief and comfort and warm as goosedown. Lena’s arms, acting on their own accord, reached around Kara’s waist and she let herself hug her back, letting everything of the last month drain out of her and into someone willing to hold it all for her. She closed her eyes and savored the moment, her body loosening, the slight shake stopping. Kara smelled of fresh linen, of soft music, of a poem she had memorized.

With Kara’s strong arms still around her, she breathed in the warmth of the sun and exhaled. Over the reporter’s shoulder, the snow kept falling, fat white flakes raining down outside the city she moved to not long ago, where work consumed her, where family loathed her, where friends were few. With a halting voice, Lena Luthor sought truth when a lie would do.

“Did you come here tonight to tell me all of that or because you needed something from me, Kara?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/2ACpsE6vnrU


	5. The New Face of Zero and One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

The light outside was the same dull, dark gray as it was in the DEO bunker facility so, like a casino, people in the building could not tell whether it was day or night. Faces peered at screens in darkened rooms, corridors were lit dimly and only triggered when someone walked past the motion activated sensors, recycled air was kept at a constant, and there was a low-level hum that, quite frankly, drove Alex Danvers crazy. Like, crazy in the way that a ticking clock in a guest bedroom begs to be unplugged at 3am. Alex was just about to get up and go on a search/destroy mission.

“Winn, are you done yet with those models? I feel like we’ve been waiting for hours.”

A fidgety Alex was almost as bad as a bored Alex - two qualitatively different states manifesting in either crossed-arm pacing or repetitive finger tapping, both producing the same scowl, though, that Winn Schott felt was judgy. Judgy Alex was not helping.

“Agent Danvers, I’m trying to crunch through 5 terabytes of data in order to come up with, as you requested, ‘pretty pictures’ to figure out what is going on. I am sorry that modern DEO computing resources took a hit so your agents could have lightsabers in every color.”

Alex looked down at Winn and smirked, the young computer genius not looking up from his monitor to see it.

“You’re funny, Winn. You should consider doing standup at nerd nights.”

At this, Winn stopped typing and looked up at her, rolling his eyes a little. 

“I know you are but what am I? And since you asked, I am exhausted, what time is it anyway?”

Alex glanced at her watch and fixed him with a curious look.

“It says it’s 4. In the morning.”

Winn shook his head and scoffed. While he might have been immersed in his work, he certainly hadn’t felt like the day was already gone and into the next. That was crazy.

“No way, I just had breakfast. Let me look.”

With a flick of his wrist, he swapped screen desktops and turned back to Alex.

“Ok, mark this down at 6:13pm, Agent Danvers is officially wrong.”

Agent Danver’s pulled out her phone and checked it, smiling at a text from Maggie before the digital display flashed 9:45am and she showed it to him. They both started pulling out all of their devices and checking in on computers near their station. 

“Alex, none of these have the same time. The dates are all the same, but the rest is off. Let me check online.”

Alex began thinking back to when she got up this morning and tried to work back from there. The problem was that her favorite detective, Maggie Sawyer, had come over for dinner at Kara’s apartment and the night had been late. There was slow cooking (lasagna bolognese) and music (soft jazz on an endless loop) and debate (the patriarchy!) and wine (a Vinho Verde, a Pinot, and a Cabernet?) plus a quick tutorial on the night sky from the younger Danvers to calculate the rate at which the universe was expanding through a mathematical equation (the Friedmann equation) and which Maggie had used a diversionary tactic to shift attention to another bottle of wine and Kara had fallen asleep on the couch after dinner while other debates continued and were resolved back at Alex’s apartment with hands and lips and pressed together bodies before a detective’s level head suggested they both go to bed (in their respective apartments) which led to another short debate in Alex’s head about when or if they would actually ever sleep together in the same place and do all that intriguing idea entailed but that was a conversation for another day. So, bottom line, Alex was a little cloudy and tired and would believe day was night or morning was afternoon. 

Winn began pulling up screen after screen and typing, also trying to work out the right hour of the day, having trouble putting it together for a more simple reason - a videogame - or more complexly, a multi-level campaign against an evil undefined across time and space that may or may not have an actual ending and thus, Winn had no idea what time he finished, slept, or came into work. Plus it didn’t help that the DEO didn’t operate on set schedules with some employees coming in at night, some in the morning, some working twelve hours on, twelve off.  
So, bottom line, it was like a long lost weekend on a work night and honestly, his head was still in the game, so to speak, and he had no one to blame but himself. He turned to Alex, pointing at his screens.

“I’m having trouble accessing any networks outside of DEO and National City’s seems to be firewalled. I’ve got about, let me see, fifteen different timestamps on emails that have come while I’ve been sitting here and over thirty-two thousand different combinations of dates and times on server connection logs since, I think, Thursday? Everything seems to have gone random after 5:18pm yesterday. Hey, Vasquez, are you seeing this?”

Vasquez turned towards them and nodded, pointing up at the big screen.

“Affirmative. We’re having recursive errors in the IP switching system and all outgoing DNS requests are redirecting back to either National City’s on-site server rack or through smaller cloud networks, like wireless or bluetoothed devices. Time and date stamps are fluctuating across all. We’re going to need to switch to DEO’s fail-over plan and shut down any local network connections coming in or out or we’re going to have the same issue as NC. Most of the their systems are starting to take performance hits or are restarting randomly - phone lines, cable and satellite signals feeding into NC are all down at this time or operating randomly. I’m going to patch into the DEO main and ask them to run diagnostics.”

Vasquez glanced at her own watch (11:39am) and tried to remember when she woke up last and how long ago that had felt. She was a fairly private person and had not shared much with her co-workers, told them nothing of her past. Frankly, how do you have a conversation about nightmares and dissociation, of feeling panic when she smelled a certain smell that reminded her of one night or the sound of a slamming door triggering a long-ago memory over lunch in the break room? She worked with strong agents, strong women at the DEO, and she preferred to be seen as such, she preferred to be seen as solid and dependable, not broken. Only Director Henshaw knew the extent to which she struggled with what happened to her before coming to the DEO and after. The cumulative effects of childhood trauma and a field assignment that had gone horribly, violently wrong meant that she managed anxiety and insomnia through pills (hated, but necessary) that kept her always a little fuzzy but able to function. There were things Vasquez experienced and saw, like others in the DEO, that she would not wish on some of the alien combatants they kept here. It took two months before she could leave her apartment and another six until she had been cleared by their team of psychologists and scientists to work. But Director Henshaw had personally picked her for a critical role in the DEO command pit and it suited her and kept her focused, useful. She didn’t feel the need to be chatty about any or all of the above, keeping to herself and keeping it professional. But bottom line, Vasquez worked odd hours as it was, slept like the dead, tried to have a life outside of the DEO too (Valerie was her rock, through this all), and time keeping was difficult for the agent on her best days. We all have our demons. 

So, Agent Vasquez went to work and put her earpiece in, listening to DEO transmissions across the country, working through their networks and identifying the National City offices at risk. They had effectively quarantined the two NC DEO networks and cut them off from the DEO main routing systems until this was resolved. Just as she opened up the secure link to the larger DEO network, the same conversation began playing over the line, as if on loop. She switched channels and opened up another link, catching the tail end of the transmission stating they were quarantining National City DEO. Every channel was the same and the logs showed each one coming in at different times and dates. Vasquez tried again, on the analog line.

“National City DEO to DEO main, come in? This is NC DEO, anyone there?”

At this, J’onn J’onzz walked into the control pit, hands on his hips. His face was not happy. He wasn’t one for spare words, pleasantries, or small talk. He was solution focused and direct and his knowledge and experience guided their work at solving alien-precipitating problems. While not everything rose to the level of a threat or crisis, he had been around long enough to know that small problems could lead to bigger problems. He had been immersed in some Cadmus-related research, reviewing his scientists’ findings regarding the biochemical properties of the virus that Lilian Luther had created and its exact sequencing for alien impact. The DEO was focused on developing possible antidotes through R&D trials immediately after Lilian’s arrest. He had driven that team to find ways to protect citizens (alien or otherwise) from other potential dispersion biochemical attacks and spent most days and nights in the lab. He hadn’t slept for three days, preferring to monitor results and offer assessments directly in the round the clock rapid development cycles they employed. There hadn’t been any major threats in National City lately so now was the time to ramp up research and develop solutions before any threats occurred. When an agent came down to find him at Alex’s request, he looked up from his work, engrossed in biomarkers and alien virus findings, surprised at the interruption. Bottom line, J’onn J’onzz had been wrapped up in lab work for days, reviewing results and had simply lost track of time in the relative winter calm. He was just now coming into the command pit after what felt like being in an isolation chamber.

“Status.”

Vasquez swiveled in her chair and turned to the director.

“Comm links are down between NC DEO and main. Outside networks aren’t relaying digital or analog signals and all we’re getting is a recursive loop of the previous transmission from DEO main. We’re unable to establish a secure link at this time.”

Director Henshaw looked between his agents and spoke, his voice low and gravelled.

“Cause?”

Winn looked at Alex as the agent adjusted her belt and joined the DEO director, leaning against the comm table, peering up at the big screen command monitors. Alex spoke.

“Sir, it appears we’re having widespread atmospheric and technical problems. It’s affecting all electronic devices and networks in National City. Winn is modeling the data and looking for further causal explanations, especially as it relates to the current weather anomalies. I’ll start working with our teams to monitor vital interests in the city, we’re not sure about the scope and breadth at this time.”

J’onn looked at her and cocked his head to the side.

“And just what time is it?”

Alex and Winn looked at each other, before Winn smiled a nervous smile and gave a half-hearted shrug to the director.

“Um, heh, that’s a good question with what would presumably be an empirically, verifiable answer. But the funny thing is we’ve lost track of the precise hour since our devices are all, you know, not very accurate right now?”

The director’s frown underscored that this explanation was not acceptable and Winn looked back at his monitor before pulling up schematics and data on the large room monitors.

“We’re having trouble isolating true readings from our FOCS 1 and NIST-FI atomic clock feeds because the signals coming into NC DEO servers are fluctuating randomly and all admin functions are updating with these random times. All of our programming software and devices are affected right now because they are time-dependent. I also cross referenced our NC GPS applications and the same thing. Everything is reading this random variance as fact and establishing timestamps that are whack.”

Alex raised her eyebrow at Winn, before she moved closer to his monitor before speaking.

“So you are saying that we literally do not know what time it is anymore because we’re relying on electronic devices. Like we’ve forgotten how to tell time without a digital display?”

Winn looked up at her and gestured to the air.

“I’m saying the truth is out there. We just have to find the right one.”

Alex huffed out and put her hands on her hips, quirking her lips at him.

“Do we need a good old fashioned sun-dial to help us tell time now, Winn?”

J’onn joined her and crossed his arms across his barrel chest. He cut through the good natured joking. He was all business, as usual.

“Time anomaly is only one symptom of a larger causal agent, Agent Danvers. Are we dealing with a legitimate widespread internet hack, weather-induced phenomenon, a criminal plot, an alien originated source or some combination of all of the above. I suggest you all get to work on figuring this out.”

They all looked at him and nodded, Winn going back to his weather modeling work and Vasquez digging into their internal sys admin logs and application servers. Alex started to move towards mobilizing their alien analysis unit to research their knowledge of known alien abilities, weaponry, technology, and capacities. J’onn walked beside her and pulled at her elbow when they were out of the command pit.

“Alex, have you spoken to Kara lately? I want to make sure we are able to communicate with Supergirl.”

The agent stopped and nodded, her eyes serious.

“I spoke with her, maybe an hour ago? Or more? I asked her to check in on Lena Luthor to see what she could find out. The first thing I thought was that this had the signature of Cadmus on it, given their penchant for generating chaos. Maybe Lena was setting her mom up as part of a larger plan.” 

J’onn considered this and nodded.

“Possible. It may be a part of their endgame to use some kind of technology to control the weather in order to disrupt existing communication systems.”

Agent Danvers ran a hand through her hair and looked back at the director, adjusting shoulders a little.

“But why now? If Cadmus’ alien virus plan had worked, why would they have needed this?”

“Because in addition to being anti-alien, Cadmus may have other motives driving their actions. We don’t exactly know what Lena knew about Cadmus and when she knew it. There could be a coordinated effort within L-Corp to assist Cadmus in plotting some larger insurrection. I think it’s time you talked to Lillian Luthor. Alone.”

Alex nodded, understanding that J’onn was asking her to interrogate a civilian in NCPD custody. She’d have to pull some strings with Maggie but she did have a certain in with that detective, so to speak. 

“Let me try to call Kara and tell her what we’ve found so far. I’m a little concerned I haven’t heard back yet, but if cell phones are starting to fail, we’ll have to find another route. I also asked her not to fly in the weather until we all were sure what was going on. I was a little worried about what it might do to her powers, quite honestly.”

J’onn nodded, his eyes softening a bit. If there was one thing he valued more than his own life, it was those of the Danver sisters. He had made a promise to Jeremiah all those years ago and now to Eliza: He would protect them both with his life and keep them close. They were strong women and were able to take care of themselves now, but his affection and connection to them had transcended any promise made. He considered them family, his only in this entire universe, and a found family was a solid and real as any blood family in his view.

“Good idea. I don’t trust what we don’t know and right now, we know next to nothing. We can’t risk going into another Cadmus attack blind, especially after what they did to Supergirl, until we have more information about what we’re up against. Kara needs to be careful with Lena Luthor, I don’t fully trust her. So we rule out Cadmus first as the most likely cause and keep moving through the evidence until we identify who or what is behind this. So, right now, we have two direct sources on Cadmus - the Luthor women. I’m going after the third.”

Alex narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms.

“Your cyborg twin.”

J’onn nodded and walked off, his boots echoing through the halls as low lights flickered on with each successive step. Alex took a breath and pulled out her phone, wanting to test her connection to her sister. Agent Danvers knew enough of the Luthors to know that their hypothesized involvement was plausible given the past. L-Corp and Cadmus were forever linked because mother and daughter were linked and L-Corp had the technological capabilities to put the right tools into action and Cadmus had the ideology to use it for evil intent. And of course, they hadn’t ruled out Lex Luthor either. It could truly be a family affair. With her phone to her ear, she waited for a signal to connect to Kara.

“Hi, this is Kara Danvers, I hope you’re having a wonderful day! Please leave a message at the tone and I promise to get right back to you. Thank you so much for calling!”

Alex smiled at her sister’s voice, she could even see the young woman earnestly recording it for maximum sweetness. She shook her head and sent a text instead, hoping that it would go through. She’d swing by L-Corp after her visit to NCPD to track her down in person if needed. Deep down, Alex knew that Kara would have a hard time believing Lena Luthor would be involved in this, that much was clear during the Isotope incident. Supergirl believed in Lena, and therefore, Kara believed in Lena and that was enough for her sister to put her faith in a family that was anything but trustworthy. There was something going on between her sister and Lena Luthor, something beyond just Kara’s (at times, frustrating) belief in the good of most people. She couldn’t quite put her finger on what exactly that was, but she was going to figure out. She could not risk Kara getting hurt again by a Luthor. 

Moving towards the vehicle bay, Alex stopped by her office and pulled on her leather coat, removing her tactical gear. If she were going to NCPD, she’d have to wear her civilian gear. As an afterthought, she reached into her desk and took out a little extra insurance, tucking it into her pocket for later. Interrogations sometimes needed incentives and she wasn’t going to spare Lillian Luthor the pleasure of her company, not after what she did to Kara and, yes, to Mon-El, the affable, yet suspicious Daxamite. Chalk up another one she didn’t trust near her sister.

So Lena Luthor. As a scientist, Alex Danvers knew two contradictory facts that applied in this situation: People were unpredictable yet the best predictor of the future was the past. The facts were that Lena had saved Alex by shooting her own would-be assassin, had helped Winn disarm thieves at her own gala, gave information to Kara about an alien fight club she had a standing invitation to, and seemingly turned on her own mother, foiling a plan to kill all aliens in National City. All good deeds, all true. And yet. And yet despite all this data of past behavior, Alex felt that Lena Luthor was a mystery, was a wild card, was unpredictable in a way Alex could not yet determine and she sensed it had something to do with Kara. That was enough motivation, beyond the immediate problem at hand, to push Alex towards the exit doors and into her DEO issued SUV. She needed Lillian Luthor to give her more information on Lena’s past behavior and motivations to inform their working hypothesis. So, right now, barring additional facts, her best theory involved the Luthor name and centered on the only one who was not behind bars. Yet.

Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/iH7K4oglMSo


	6. Whiteout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

There was a time, not very long ago, just a few weeks in fact, when it felt like the world had opened up and instead of a new numbered earth appearing, she felt like all that was important to her here on this one was falling in that hole. She wasn’t transported on to Slaver’s Moon. She didn’t meet up with Barry and his friends. She didn’t wake up in her own room back on Krypton, the orange glow outside her window and in her room reminding her of the desert colors of this earth. No, what Kara Danvers felt then was a profound emptiness, a loss that made a mark deep inside and hurt more than any punishment she had taken so far. When Kara found out about Guardian, found out that her two closest friends had kept things hidden from her, she was angry at the betrayal, another lie of omission coming back to bite her. Worse still was knowing that she could not prevent them from choosing to risk their own lives, that her will and her want to keep them safe was not enough for them to listen. The fact that two people she cared about, had deep feelings for, could be lost in an instant because of the choices they made, was too much for her heart to handle.

The thing about Kara Danvers, about Supergirl is that they are who they are because Kara Zor-El had already lost everything, had already been through this before. Each loss was like a scar on the inside, something the sun or her solar bed or her sister could not heal. A hero’s heart is strong, but Kara’s was forged with a tenderness born of loss, of a strength that only comes from surviving and willing that heart to tenderly hold all that it loves or could love with an iron grip. Kara’s greatest strength was her greatest weakness - she cared too much and felt too deeply.

As much as she wished things could stay the same, they never would, no matter how hard Kara tried. When James and Winn had chosen their path, had chosen to be Guardian and his keeper, they had put themselves in danger of being lost to her and she could feel the internal blow. Kara could feel the bruise form because she had a courageous, but tender heart. And a selfish heart, she wanted to keep everyone in it safe, wanted that one thing for herself and no one else. The strongest amongst us are often those with the most to lose and this was true of Kara.

_That night, she was exhausted, emotionally and physically. She had been lied to by her friends, they had chosen a path she didn’t agree with, she had been attacked by a criminal who held Livewire and then by Livewire herself, she had made the hard choice to let a nemesis go, and was still reeling from all that had happened when she made her way back to her apartment. To find Mon-El waiting for her._

_She knew what was coming and sighed a bit, pulling her keys out and unlocking the door. She really wasn’t in the mood for this and yet, it had to happen. This whole time, she had held Mon-El at arm’s length, tried to establish boundaries, had made sure not to give off the wrong signals, had asked him outright about his feelings for her and yet, the uncomfortable truth and conversation was upon her. So, in her own apartment, she braced herself and listened to him talk about kissing her before she took off her glasses and sat, rubbing at the internal ache in her head. Talk of comets and feelings and honesty. How many times had she thought being someone’s friend was enough only to find out that so many hoped of having that tender heart of hers for their own?_

_Kara sat there after Mon-El had left, alone in her apartment, and felt a different sort of loss. She thought she had found another friend, someone from a lost planet like herself who could understand what that felt like, who would know what it meant to love someone and lose them for the wrong reasons, what a risk it was to love again. It wasn’t Mon-El’s fault for caring about her, it wasn’t his fault that he took a risk just as it wasn’t her fault that she did not return his feelings and never had. Kara knew, like with James and with Winn, that it was no one’s fault for wanting to share a hero’s heart. That did not make it any easier to be the one who could not return someone’s feelings. With the lights low, Kara just sat at her kitchen table and closed her eyes, pressing her fingers to her lids until a comet trail of light actually appeared._

And so, Kara Danvers found herself, arms wrapped around Lena Luthor in a precarious position and not unlike the ones her friends had been in with her. Her body was a soft machine, less mechanical really than a series of finely tuned senses, nerves, muscle, and alien blood built to do the impossible here on earth. When she had lost her powers, briefly after all things red - Tornado, Kryptonite, her solar flare burnout in that Cadmus helmet - she felt what it was like to be human on this planet, to be vulnerable. Right now, faced with Lena Luthor’s question - _Did you come here tonight to tell me all of that or because you needed something from me, Kara?_ \- Kara Danvers felt the earthly pull between right and wrong. The lie or the truth was going to hurt someone tonight and she was better built to take the blow.

“Lena..”

Kara pulled back and watched the CEO’s eyes find hers, suspicious and hopeful like a caged bird sensing freedom. And then she watched Lena stand taller, glancing out the window a the wall of white, crossing her arms in front of her as a barrier.

“Wait, wait, don’t tell me. You’re here to interview me about my mother or my reaction to Cadmus, to find a story you can exploit for CatCo and readership.”

Kara blinked and took a step back, her brows coming together.

“That’s not it at all. Lena, I..”

Lena smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. She leaned towards Kara, dangerously close, her voice dropping.

“Or maybe you’re here to gather information to feed to your friend Supergirl again. Are you going to send her an invite to finish this conversation? Have her check in on this Luthor to make sure she doesn’t have some nefarious plan up her sleeve? Make sure she isn’t plotting her mother’s escape?”

Kara could feel the energy bounce between them, could feel the atoms moving back and forth. She almost felt it burn when Lena smiled again and reached out her hand, running her finger along Kara’s arm.

“Or better yet, maybe you and Supergirl are both going to tell me how much you care, that everything you just said was true. Kara and Lena and Supergirl, three peas in a pod.”

This conversation was definitely not going the way Kara had planned or the way it had gone in her head. It felt like nothing she could say was right, that she couldn’t get through to the woman who stood in front of her, whose eyes she could not release, whose smile was not the same one she had received all those times prior to now. After everything that had gone on, with Lillian, with Cadmus, with James and Winn and Mon-El and Snapper and Cat Grant and everything and everyone, all of it, she snapped. Kara was a thundercloud.

“Did it ever occur to you, Lena, that what you think of me matters? That you matter to me? You use the Luthor name like an excuse to push people away, to make sure no one gets close enough to Lena Luthor to care. You may know how to run a business, but I’m not some board member you have to play.”

The dichotomy of what she just said with her recent experiences with her friends, how the roles were reversed and she was the one taking a chance, was not lost on her. But Kara was starting to shake with frustration and hated that it surely showed.

“I have always believed in you, Lena. I still believe in you. Why are we making this harder than it needs to be? Why can’t this be easier?”

Lena Luthor watched in fascination as Kara stood before her, determined and angry and...vulnerable. They stood face to face as winter raged outside, the taller reporter holding her eyes and not giving an inch. It was familiar, it was Kara but not Kara. Loose strands of hair had fallen from her ponytail, the soft blue of her sweater matched her eyes, her brows pulled together, her lips were full and her words were true. It reminded her of another conversation, another time, another person.

_Lena had been checking emails on her tablet, leaning against her desk when she heard a rush of air on her balcony, Supergirl had appeared. That thrill tickled deep, that attraction just under the surface had bubbled forth, the adrenaline from being saved earlier was still there. But Supergirl had wanted something from Lena, like many others had. Growing up in the Luthor household meant that everything was quid pro quo. You were always owed or you owed, someone granted you a favor in exchange for something else. Lena never encountered anything without strings attached, there were always strings, some more painful than others._

_“Lena, darling, you’re going to meet Blake Thompson, he’s a very important investor in Luthor Corporation here from LA. He’d like to take you to dinner tonight so be a dear and look your best.”_

_Said her mother the first weekend she had been home over winter break from MIT. She fought off Blake’s hand on her leg under the table all night, escaping when her “date” got too drunk to find his way back to their booth._

_“Lena, can you please deliver this to a colleague in Boston? Once you return, we can discuss that internship you wanted in London with Samuels and Weatherstone.”_

_Said her father when he was still alive, handing over a briefcase with what turned out to be biotechnology that traced the movement of DNA through time and space, perfect for implanting and tracking targets. Her internship, the long hours she put in, had been cold, rainy, had been lonely._

_“Lena, do this one thing for me, I’ll let your friend live.”_

_Said Lex, her brother, when all things turned dark, when the tide turned, when he became the Luthor that made the name what it was today. What she did and for whom, she would take to her grave._

_So Lena Luthor was used to the bargaining, used to the bartering of favors. She just hadn’t expected Supergirl to use the fact that she had saved Lena’s life as a chip to curry information about her mother, to confirm what she knew to be true. It stung. She thought Supergirl was different, that she wouldn’t hit a nerve, a weakness so deep inside, that Lena yearned to be seen for who she really was, not who her last name implied her to be. Supergirl had challenged her, had believed in her when, literally, only one other person did. Kara Danvers. It scared her to be seen, to be vulnerable, to be someone who could be cared for in a way that had escaped her all these years. So, Lena, being who she was, reacted out of habit and shut down, turned to ice._

_“You can leave the same way you came in.”_

And Kara Danvers standing there in her office, hands on her hips, looking like she looked right now, reminded Lena that there were two women who occupied her head and yes, fine, her heart. That did not make any of this easier. Lena took a breath before speaking, less to strike and more to defend.

“This can’t be easier, Kara, because you are who you are and I am who I am.”

Kara crossed her arms, shaking her head in confusion.

“What does that even mean?”

Lena walked over to the window of her balcony and looked out, putting one hand to the cold glass and watching the gray white swirls drown out the buildings and the light. She loved the view here in the morning, the way the sun would crack through the gaps in the far eastern side of National City’s skyline, pink light replacing the ever fading darkness. Always a new beginning, a new way of saying this was going to be a good day. As much as Lena loved the mornings, the nights always found her, just the same.

“It means that the Lena Luthors of this world never get the Kara Danvers.”

Kara took a breath and looked at the dark haired woman standing at her window, silhouetted by winter white. There was a softness to her shoulders, a weariness of the world, a resignation. And in that moment, Kara understood everything, understood what she had been waiting for all this time, why she had turned away others in favor of something that felt exactly like this and this was a clicking in place of the last puzzle piece, a pour of a coffee just to the brim but not spilling over, a cool breeze that came at the right time when the sun was highest in the sky. It felt a lot like falling off a building with arms held out wide and smiling, dropping weightless and then soaring high, higher still.

The other thing about Kara, besides the profound loss, was the fact that that superhero’s heart was hers too. It made her brave when she was unsure, it made her sure, when she doubted, it told the truth when her head might have talked her out of it. The truth was that she had not named what had been happening between her and Lena Luthor these last few months, a friendship, yes, but something else. Right now, everyone important in her life had something of their very own - Alex had Maggie, Winn and James had each other and Guardian, J’onn now had M’gann, everyone important to her had something to call their own. Being Supergirl was fulfilling certainly, but something James had said struck her now, that maybe that one thing wasn’t enough for Kara Danvers. Maybe she wanted to feel what she felt and find out what that meant. Maybe she wanted that for selfish, tender-hearted reasons. And really, why was _she_ the one making this harder than it needed to be? _Be brave, be tender, be strong, Kara_.

With a slight smile, she slowly moved to stand behind Lena, her eyes falling to the nape of her neck, dark hair twisted in a chignon. She hesitated, out of nerves, out of newness, before her hands found Lena’s shoulders, steadying herself and leaning in, her words soft against an ear.

“What if this Kara Danvers wants this Lena Luthor?”

It was as if time stood still, the two of them standing there barely breathing, the contact between them vibrating the air, energy crackling, the sky opening up and snow pouring down like white rain over everything. Lena turned her head just so and opened her mouth to say something or to maybe not say anything at all...

And then Kara’s cellphone rang, loud in their ears, Alex’s ring breaking the moment off like an icicle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/aUa2Z9c4hj0


	7. Challengers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

There was a small strip of molding around the edge of the desk, black on black, that had come loose over the years and no matter how careful one was, it would get caught on a coat or a purse or a gun holster or a carryout bag from Henry Fong’s. Never fail. And it only happened when she was in a rush to get somewhere, getting snagged back to her desk to untangle herself. Glue, tape, a staple, even a hammer and a nail, she tried them all and yet, that damn desk kept holding her back. If Maggie Sawyer didn’t know better, she’d think it was out to get her. So, when she had heard that a certain DEO agent had pulled into the NCPD garage and was headed towards the cellblocks (news travelled fast on slow days), Maggie knew she’d better hurry, yanking the offending piece of plastic from her belt loop and practically running towards the stairs.

“Ho hey hey...hold up, Danvers!”

The detective had raced down two flights of stairs and through three hallways to get to the interrogation rooms, coming to a stop next to the check in desk and Agent Danvers, flashing her badge at Conroy, the desk officer. Alex looked up at her slightly out of breath girlfriend and smiled, unable to help herself, before her face became serious again.

“Good afternoon, Detective Sawyers. It’s always a pleasure to see you.”

Maggie cocked her head to the side and one side of her mouth smirked a little, an eyebrow raised.

“It’s kinda late to be calling it an afternoon, but hello to you too, Agent Danvers. So what brings you all the way down here to our holding rooms? I didn’t realize we had an alien prisoner that the DEO wanted to visit.”

The insinuation was there in Maggie’s voice and it centered on why the hell had Alex not called her first and did she really think she was just going to walk into NCPD and bypass protocol and barge her way in to talk to someone they were holding without so much as a text or a warrant or a lawyer etc etc etc. The shorter detective put her hands on her hips and said as much with just her eyes, squinted and questioning.

Alex took a deep breath and crossed her arms, already knowing how this conversation was going to go. Their professional lives had initially started off territorial and the boundaries between agencies and divisions sometimes caught both of them up in their loyalties and duties. Both were great at their jobs, sworn to uphold their charges, and consummate professionals, but they were also both very stubborn and prone to debate, neither liking to lose. They liked their bets and their challenges, they were strong women. Their personal relationship was very similar, but a lot softer.

_What wasn’t fair, what wasn’t right was the way Maggie pressed into her against the door of her apartment last night, holding her there with her hands and her hips and the way her lips skimmed her neck was criminal. The detective had given her a ride back home after dinner, after wine, after Kara had fallen asleep, and Maggie had insisted that they needed to call it a night because it was Thursday and that meant one more workday until the weekend and all the plans she had for Alex whispered into her ear, punctuated by a carefully placed tongue and embellished with a hot breath and parenthetically driving her crazy with teeth against her collarbone. It wasn’t fair that Maggie was short and fit right into her neck and that her hands had found skin under Alex’s shirt and it wasn’t right that Alex was out of breath when a thumb grazed against her bra. She tried to argue her point by wrapping her hands into the detective’s hair and letting her lips pull the woman closer, taking a bottom lip into her mouth and promising more where that came from because, honestly, even though they had spent the night together on several occasions, they had not ‘spent the night together’ in the way that Alex so desperately was telling her detective now that she wanted. ‘Soon, soon, patience, Alex’, words that Maggie breathed out against her ear and with the strength of a known superhero, the detective pulled herself away from her body and they both felt the loss. ‘You are not being fair, at all, with that whole...goodbye thing’, Alex murmured, heavy lidded and deeply flushed. Maggie smiled up at her, putting her hand against the agent’s heated face. ‘I promise it will be worth the wait..’ and that is when Alex began to really get Maggie’s insinuations and read what wasn’t said out loud by her new girlfriend._

“Detective Sawyer, may I speak with you privately please?”

Alex used her eyes to request an interrogation room, nodding down to the desk sergeant and adjusting her leather jacket as she watched the detective squint her eyes up at her. With a slight nod, Maggie acquiesced.

“Certainly. Conroy, can you swipe us into room three. I’ll finish up the paperwork when we’re done.”

The officer looked between them and just shook his head. He had been around long enough to know not to get between Detective Sawyers and whatever she wanted. Though she be little, she is fierce and he had lost enough to her at poker nights to know that she got cranky when she didn’t get her way. Why he ever agreed to go with Murphy to cash games once a month, he never knew. He had a horrible poker face, a nervous tell, and Sawyers lied out her ass like a pro. He buzzed them into the secure corridor.

Maggie watched Alex walk down the hall, following behind slightly for the view and to figure out why she was here. Of course, it only took a few steps and the way Alex’s shoulders were squared before it came to her. There was only one person Agent Danvers would be interested in at NCPD and only one person. She said as much as she clicked the door shut behind them.

“Lillian Luthor.”

Alex turned and looked at her, not giving an inch or a mile.

“Yes, Lillian Luthor.”

Maggie just shook her head, moving further into the room. It was decorated like any cliched interrogation room, a single cold gray table, a few chairs, windowed walls, nothing else.

“Alex, you know I can’t let you speak to her without a lawyer.”

The DEO agent stood her ground, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I didn’t plan to speak to her without a lawyer. I didn’t plan to speak to her at all.”

Maggie raised an eyebrow in question.

“Oh yeah? For some reason, I’m not buying it, Danvers.”

Alex let her arms down and moved closer to the detective.

“What I would like to do is speak about her, to you, in her presence. I want to talk to you about her daughter and how she raised her, with her in the room.”

“Um, what?”

Alex sat on the edge of the table and let her eyes find Maggie’s, hoping to convince the cop of how her idea would just skirt the edge and still not jeopardize the case against the Luthor woman.

“Look. I need some information about Lena Luthor. In case you haven’t noticed, there is something going on outside in National City and one of our working theories is that Cadmus is behind it. Lena’s the last free Luthor so we’re investigating. Don’t tell me you know what time it is or that there’s nothing wrong with your telecom and network devices.”

Maggie’s brows came together and she pulled out her phone, it was four in the afternoon when she last looked and to be honest, the day had kind of gotten away from her, what with the late night and the wine and Alex Danvers and the way that woman made it so impossibly hard to not stay the rest of night and take out their delayed frustrations on each other but Maggie wanted their first time together to not be because of wine or the late hour or any time when she didn’t have at least a nice solid forty eight hours to make good on her promises and to let Alex have all the time in the world to fall with her on to every flat surface and soft place in either of their apartments or both and shut out the rest of the world, shut out bad guys and aliens and crises and everything else that could distract them from each other. Bottom line, Maggie had no idea what time it was right now and didn’t really care. It was Friday, one step closer to those forty eight hours and that was all that mattered. Except now, her stubborn girlfriend was here on business.

“Alex, what is this all about? Is this really about Lena Luthor?”

The agent cocked her head to the side, again with the insinuation from Maggie.

“Yes, this is about Lena Luthor. Look, if what is happening is related to Cadmus, she has to be involved. We think she might be planning something on a larger scale than Medusa. We’re looking at other things, but I don’t really trust L-corp and that woman.”

Maggie just nodded, face skeptical. She moved closer to Alex and spoke quietly.

“Alex, you may think this is about Lena Luthor, but I think this is really about Lillian Luthor, that this is personal.”

Alex huffed out a breath, using her hand to wave the words away.

“Lena or Lillian, they’re both the same. I need information and I intend to get it.”

Maggies eyes softened at the threat in Alex’s voice, she only ever talked that way when she was worried. If there was one weakness that her girlfriend had, it was the most obvious.

“Alex, I think you are still upset about what happened to Kara...what happened to Supergirl, what Lillian Luthor did to your sister. And I think it would be a bad idea to talk to her until you come to terms with that.”

The dark-haired agent’s eyes flashed and she stood, coming close to Maggie.

“I have come to terms with that, Maggie. I had nightmares about what she did to Kara and every night I woke up in a cold sweat thinking about how close Lillian came to killing her and J’onn and every other alien in this city. Oh, I came to terms with that alright. I’m fine, I am quite good in fact. She has something I want and I intend to take it from her just like she took blood from my sister’s own arm. She owes me.”

At this point, the agent was shaking with hot anger, her voice like a knife, sharp and determined to cut down an opponent. But Maggie wasn’t her opponent, that person was locked safely away six cell blocks away from them. Alex Danvers was a passionate woman, there was no doubt about it, and that meant she loved and she seethed in equal measure, with equal conviction. Maggie had heard all the stories of the last year, about Supergirl and how close Alex came to losing her too many times to count, about the weight of responsibility on Alex took upon her shoulders growing up, defending her sister and now, watching over her. The Danvers sisters were better together, were stronger when they were near each other. Their bond was undeniable and it pained Maggie to know that Alex hurt when Kara hurt, as if they were linked through shared blood and spirit. Maggie reached out and put her hand on Alex’s arm, gently trying to calm and soothe.

“Alex..”

She waited until the agent looked at her, held her eyes, and blew out a breath. Maggie spoke softly, maintaining contact with her arm.

“Alex, I know. I know what you want to do. I would feel the same way if someone hurt Kara. We have to be smart though, we can’t risk losing Lillian because of a legal maneuver. She’s got an old family friend as a lawyer with the money to fight this. We have to be smart.”

Alex took in another breath and willed herself to calm down, she didn’t trust herself to speak just yet so she nodded before Maggie went on.

“I know you think that Lena might be involved, but I’m not so sure. You said your sister trusted her, isn’t that enough? Kara seems to have a pretty good read on Lena Luthor based on what I saw and heard.”

Alex looked up at the ceiling and huffed out her words.

“What if Kara is wrong? What if Lena is just like Lillian or Lex and is out to hurt her or you or anyone else in this city? How can we be sure she is who she says she is?”

Maggie stepped closer, reaching out to take one of Alex’s hands, a small smile crossing her lips.

“Alex, what if Kara is right? Lena saved your sister when she could have hurt her. She hasn’t done anything wrong, why should she be presumed guilty without any evidence except her last name?”

The agent narrowed her eyes down at Maggie, not willing to give in just yet. She was right of course. Lillian Luthor was the criminal here, she was the one who had committed evil acts, killing aliens with a trial run of the Medusa virus and almost unleashing it on the entire city were it not for Lena. Why was she so quick to jump to Lena’s involvement when something happened in the city that couldn’t be explained? Her logical scientist brain hated when her heart and emotions biased her views, clouded her judgment. In her field, facts and reason were the gold standards and here she was, like any other human, letting her feelings mess up a good theory. All that aside, Alex still hated Lillian Luthor with the venom of a white hot sun and nothing would change that. But, yes, now was the time to step back and be smart. She looked down at Maggie, her short, infuriatingly right, super cute girlfriend.

“Fine fine, you might be right.”

Maggie smiled wide, dimples breaking out on her cheeks.

“Please take note, Alex Danvers proclaimed that Maggie Sawyer might be right.”

The DEO agent turned her head to the side and smirked down at her, putting her hands on her hips.

“You’re funny. You think I’m keeping count?”

“I know you are, Danvers.”

Alex rolled her eyes and leaned down, letting her lips press against Maggie’s right there in the generically decorated interrogation room of the NCPD. The detective kissed her back, before pulling back and putting her hands in her pockets to stifle the urge for them to wander.

“I kind of hate to be the one to break this to you, Alex, but I think that your sister has an...interest...in Lena Luthor.”

Alex’s eyebrows raised as far as they could go, incredulous.

“What?? What does that even mean??”

Sometimes people are blinded to the most obvious. It literally took Maggie about a minute to realize that Kara Danvers was Supergirl once she had the added information of observing how Alex interacted with the superhero and with her sister. Before, she hadn’t put the pieces together because she wasn’t looking for the pattern, but once Maggie saw Alex with Supergirl and with Kara, it was plain as day. And frankly, Alex had been a bit wrapped up in their new relationship to put the pieces together and to see what was becoming increasingly clear. This was what made Detective Sawyer so good at her job. She smiled again.

“It means, Alex, that you haven’t been paying attention to the right things these last few months. Kara may not be very sneaky, but she’s also not forthcoming sometimes and those are the times to notice. When Kara doesn’t talk about something, she’s usually doing that for a reason.”

“I’m not following, Maggie.”

The detective looked up at Alex and nodded, walking her through her case.

“Kara talked your ear off about James and Winn and Mon-El, she doesn’t hide how she feels about her friends. We also know she’s been uncomfortable with their feelings for her, right? She told you about how that conversation with Mon-El went recently. It’s not like we don’t know where she stands about her romantic feelings, or lack thereof, with these guys. You two are the queens of processing over ice cream, hello.”

Alex listened, crossing her arms and shifting, her brows still pulled together in doubt but following along.

“Ok, so Lena Luthor. Supergirl said she believes in her, that she trusts her, even with her life as it turned out. Kara’s spent a fair amount of time in her company too. Interviews, that gala, meetings. But has Kara ever really talked to you about Lena?”

Maggie looked at her, watching as Alex shifted a little, thinking, before she continued.

“Did she ever talk to you about why she hasn’t seen or talked to Lena since that whole Medusa thing? I mean, after she got back from doing her Supergirl thing wherever that was. Lena turned in her mother and literally saved Supergirl’s life and they haven’t spoken since? Does that really seem like something Kara would do? Really?”

“Hmm, she hasn’t said anything about Lena to me. I guess I hadn’t really thought much about it.”

Maggie crossed her arms and looked at the agent, smiling and raising her eyebrows at her.

“Well, you have been a little preoccupied, haven’t you?”

Alex smiled at her, chuckling a little, before the detective went on.

“But think about it. Wouldn’t Kara talk to you about Lena like she would anyone else if they were friends? You’d know everything, she’d talk about what happened and how her friend Lena must feel having turned in her mother and how bad Kara felt for not being able to see her while she was gone or why she hadn’t seen her since. Kara would have processed this whole thing about her good friend Lena with you over takeout, right? So why hasn’t she?”

The truth was that the Danvers sisters talked about everything with each other, eventually. Sure, it might take a little bit (hello, coming out), but they were stronger together and that meant not keeping any more secrets. They had agreed, everything was on the table now, right? But what Maggie just said, there was some truth to that too. Kara had not said a word about Lena Luthor since that night, she would have known if Kara talked to Lena, she would have heard all about it. So why, what was going on? She looked at Maggie and sighed.

“As close as Kara and I are, she would never lie to me.”

Maggie softly smiled, encouraging the agent.

“But..would she tell you the whole truth?”

Alex nodded a little, making a face that Maggie had grown to know as uniquely Alex.

“Well..she tends to hold the things that are closest to her heart, her biggest fears, her grief, her wishes for herself, hidden away. She’s always been like that, open and with the biggest heart you can imagine, but also so quiet and so guarded. Sometimes I think I don’t know her as well as I think I do. Like really know her.”

Maggie nodded, moving to sit up on the table and Alex joined her, both of their hands on the edge of the steel structure, looking down at cold, gray linoleum floor that surely came from the same Interrogation Room catalog as all the others. The detective let her pinky entwine with Alex’s before looking over at the agent and speaking.

“Sometimes, when you give everything you are to other people, when everyone looks to you to be strong, when everyone wants a piece of what makes you so special, you want something that’s all your own, that’s just for you and no one else, something that makes you feel a little less alone. Your sister is looking for the same thing we all are, to know and be known by someone who makes you feel special, who makes your world feel a little less lonely. Maybe Kara thinks that person could be Lena Luthor, maybe she’s holding that back just for herself until she knows.”

Alex looked at Maggie and smiled, shaking her head.

“You sure are good at detecting, Sawyer. I’m not ready to say you’re right or that I necessarily like it just yet, but I am willing to consider that a plausible hypothesis.”

Maggie bumped her head against the agent’s shoulder and laughed.

“You’re such a nerd, Danvers, hypothesis this, plausible that. Not all of us can be a hopeless romantic like me.”

Alex smiled wider, her hand reaching up to Maggie’s face to pull her close.

“Who says I can’t be romantic?”

Eyes closed against the florescent lights that came standard in rooms like this and lips found each other, still new to each other in some ways and fitting easily together in others. Breath mingled together and bodies leaned in, soft against soft, enjoying the closeness and how it felt to find someone who made your world a little less lonely and a lot more special. Alex leaned further into Maggie and they reminded each other that when it came to matters of the heart, it was hard to predict the who and the what and the how and the why of it all. Sometimes it just was.

Until it wasn’t.

Blaring alarms went off outside Holding Room 3 and red lights began flashing in the NCPD hallway, an intercom voice sounding throughout the corridor.

“Code 9. Code 9. All officers to their stations. All officers to their stations. We have an inmate at large. Code 9.”

Maggie and Alex looked at each other, both reaching for their weapons automatically and moving out the door cautiously. When they got to Conroy’s station, they found him on the floor unconscious, Alex checking for a pulse and finding one before her eyes met Maggie’s. With a flick of her wrist, the detective pulled out her comm device and called into dispatch.

“Sawyers to dispatch, come in.”

Across the small speaker, there was squawking and buzzing and voices talking over each other, each trying to reach dispatch or another unit and failing to connect. Alex shook her head and crouched by the wall, reaching out to grab an officer running by and pulling him to them. It was Murphy and he had his weapon drawn, eyes alert. Maggie came over, each watching entry and exit points, guns trained.

“Murphy, comms are down. What’s going on?”

The red-headed officer nodded, adjusting his bullet-proof vest and pointing back in the direction of the cell blocks, his eyes serious and his voice low. Maggie always liked Murphy, solid cop, decent guy, bad poker player.

“We had an escape, we’re not sure how it happened just yet, there was a lot of damage done, but we know who.”

At that, Alex and Maggie exchanged a look between them and the DEO agent reached for her phone, hoping to get through to Kara with a warning. Murphy eyed them both before nodding.

“Lillian Luthor is free.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/bHWWWa8EvzI


	8. Dark Horse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

If the Fortress of Solitude was a metaphor of everything she keeps locked away and safe, then the blue ice chasm spotted from high above cracking off the coast of Antarctica was a symbol for the fissure now forming between the bodies of Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor. One small tiny thing, like a sneeze during a symphony’s denouement, a slip of the hand on the final touches of a painting, a cell phone’s ring, can break a spell, mess up the magic. If we stick with metaphors and similes for the art and science of how two individuals connect and disconnect, let’s turn to chaos theory to describe how one tiny thing changed the course of that moment and ponder what could have been, all the outcomes that never were because of snowfall or a pod knocked off course or a ring that wouldn’t stop. Kara flinched back from Lena and one possibility faded, another door opened, the snow outside kept falling in a whiteout.

“Oh.”

Which was all Kara could say with a brief exhale, since the ringing in her pocket had interrupted everything. Everything. She gave a weak smile at Lena, trying to ignore the quickly disguised look of..disappointment on her face. She fumbled into her pocket and pulled out her phone, trying to answer it.

“Hello? Alex? Hello?”

In her ear, Kara could only hear a few words garbled from her sister, something about Winn and texts. With a glance outside, the reporter tried again.

“Can you hear me, Alex?”

She pulled the phone away and realized that the connection wasn’t live and she was only hearing a voicemail. As she looked at her phone, a million (more or probably less) texts started scrolling across her screen. She looked up at Lena, watching as the darked haired woman nodded slightly and made her way back to her desk, carefully sitting and pulling the wool around her shoulders. Lena found a report on her desk to look over and to avoid Kara Danvers for the moment, the Luthor cloak of invincibility coming down again. The reporter sighed before glancing back down at her phone.

_**Sis:** where are u??_

_**Sis:** thanks for dinner last night, it was fun! I blame Maggie for being late this morning ;)_

_**James** : Kara - chck out N side story, more info when u get here_

_**Winny** : need to send you something, are you getting these texts?_

_**Winny** : What’s that bfast thing you get from Noonans that I like but not the one with nuts_

_**Bossman** : need news Dnavers_

_**Sis** : going to NCPD, more later_

_**James** : CC non-essentials home bc of snow, FYI_

_**Sis** : phones down, getting these?_

_**Sis:** do you have that black shirt of mine? can’t find._

Kara’s brows came together trying to make sense of the cluster of texts, each one having come in at different hours, out of order. She could make sense of when some came in but not others. She flicked open her voicemail and put her ear to hear the replayed messages, her eyes falling back on Lena instinctively. Everything was garbled, Alex’s voice and Winn’s and James’ messages from the past week, from today all mixed together. She could only hear snippets of words, none of them fitting into a coherent pattern of a message she could decipher. The only thing that piqued her interest was her name in Alex’s voice, a little higher than the rest of the voices, but she couldn’t put the words together. She pressed Alex’s picture from her texts to call back, her breath catching just a little when Lena Luthor’s eyes returned to hers, darkly green.

“I’m sorry…”

Kara mouthed this to the other woman, who tilted her chin in a slight nod and sat back in her chair, crossing her legs and regarding the reporter standing near the window. The phone went directly to Alex’s voicemail and Kara shifted a little under Lena’s thoughtful gaze, the CEO resting her chin on a few fingers. The room was quiet, save for Alex’s recorded voice.

_"This is Alex Danvers, please leave a message.”_

“Hi Alex, this is Kara. I’m fine, I’m at L-Corp with Lena..Luthor.”

At this, Lena raised an eyebrow, surprised by the formality and need to use her last name. Now that the adrenaline had faded, along with her anger, she could study Kara Danvers from a distance and regain her composure. The problem was that whenever Kara was in her orbit, when this young woman got near her, it threw off Lena’s balance. Distance was always her preference; time and space gave Lena an advantage, especially when it came to her emotions. But then again, the last time she actually spoke to Kara Danvers in person was not especially close, not like the other times they had shared the same space.

_“So what is this interview for, really?”_

_Lena had been surprised by the reporter dropping by her office with the pretense of a puff piece. It had been several weeks since the L-Corp gala and Lena had been busy, with a trip to London and one to Cairo in between. She hadn’t heard from her friend during that time, except for an unexpected email, sent late at night National City time, received before her breakfast meeting. She went back to London to meet with Saul Weatherstone and rekindle old connections and align support for L-Corp’s new direction. She had been reviewing technical specs on her tablet, still sitting wrapped fresh from the shower in a soft white bathrobe, when Kara’s name came up on her email notification. She would not deny that she smiled, she would not deny that there was a little jolt of something in her chest at the thought that across the world, Kara Danvers sent her words in the middle of the night._

_****_

_To: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)_

_From: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com)_

_Subject:_

_Lena, hi. I was just thinking about you and wanted to send a note. I never got a chance to talk to you after the gala at L-Corp and you know, after everything that had happened. What a night, huh? My friend Winn told me about the black body field generator and he geeked out on it pretty hard. He’s a sweet guy, but he would not stop talking about you for days. I think he even used the word “genius” which he never does, so you can add him to your list of admirers, if you’re keeping count._

_I stopped by your office today, just to say hi, but Jess told me you were out of the country and gave me your email address. So now I have been trying to guess where you are right now. Beijing? Amsterdam? Dubai? Sao Paulo? I used to like to travel, but you know that feeling when you first wake and the sun coming up is just a different enough color that you forget where you are and you feel so..I don’t know, far away? And it takes a day to recover from that feeling. I know some people like to travel (do you?) and it’s new and exciting for them, an adventure. I can understand that. But maybe I just like to know where I am when I wake up in the morning, you know?_

_Not sure why I am telling you this, but it’s late here and today was long. What color is the sunrise where you are?_

_Kara_

_***_

_And Lena had glanced out the window and smiled. Her memories of London had always been gray and dreary, but today, this morning, the light softly glowed a pinkish golden hue. She hit reply, without thinking._

_***_

_To: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com  
_

_From: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)  
_

_Subject: Re:  
_

_Kara - how nice to hear from you, it is definitely late there, isn’t it. Can’t sleep? I’m in London, if you must know, and it is rarely sunny here. Travel is a necessity, not a luxury, I’m afraid. I’m not fond of flying, I hate not being in control of what happens to me and being hurled through the air at the mercy some pilot’s good training is not my idea of an adventure. I’m much better when I’m grounded, I do like the earth under my feet._

_But right now, since you asked, the sunrise reminds me of a freshly baked croissant, if that makes any sense. Less about the color and more about how it feels: Surprisingly warm and delicious. - LL_

_***_

_She sipped her coffee and stretched a bit before going back to her tech specs, adjusting her dark rimmed glasses and pushing her hair out of her face. Lena liked to be over prepared and if she was going to win Saul’s bid for solar conversion shingles, atmospheric pressure stabilizers, and high efficiency desalination equipment, she needed this to be tight. She was trying to turn a company whose major division focused on weaponization to one that was on the cutting edge of green energy efforts. An email notification popped up again and she quirked her lips in a smile._

_***_

_To: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)_

_From: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com)_

_Subject:_ _Re: Re:_

_You had me at croissant. I can picture you having a proper British breakfast and strong coffee, being happy that it’s not raining in London. It is here and usually, that helps me sleep but work was..tough..today, there was a bug going around and I was a little under the weather. I was feeling pretty drained which is never fun._

_Um, flying is one of my favorite things, I have to tell you. Can we still be friends? Ok, I’m going to close my eyes and pretend I’m in London too where it’s surprisingly sunny and warm :) - K_

_***_

_Lena sat back in her chair a little and thought about Kara Danvers back in National City, tucked in bed in that apartment of hers tapping out late night emails to her that felt friendly and warm, like her morning. What was this, between them? A friendship yes, but something else. It had been too long since she had felt what she was feeling and she knew herself enough to know that someone like Kara could undo her completely, in the best possible way or the worst. Distance made her brave._

_***_

_To: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com  
_

_From: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)  
_

_Subject: Re: Re: Re:_

_Kara - when I get back, I’d like to hear more about why you love to fly and why I should too. I have a feeling I could be convinced by you. Sleep well - L_

_***_

_Of course, their late night-early morning connection had ended when she returned to National City and now, they sat in her office, Kara interviewing her about women of power and the mothers that molded them. It was a delicate dance back and forth and obviously, her mother and their relationship was a touchy topic. Unfortunately, she came to realize that Kara the reporter had been digging, trying to gather information about the Luthors, about her mother and Lena knew it. She had just been hoping for a different Kara, the one of sunrises and baked goods and flying. And that had been the last time they had talked in person until tonight, the course in between then and now irrevocably altered by her mother, Lillian and, as it turned out, by Supergirl._

Lena watched as Kara finished her voicemail to her sister and put her phone back in her pocket, the blond finally looking back at her with an interesting mix of emotions. Whether Kara knew it or not, she was a book that Lena was learning to read, her face and her eyes unable to hide much from the observant CEO and yet, there was that tiny bit of doubt under the surface. From a distance, Lena could see the hesitation and the leftover blush on her cheeks from their closeness at the window.

“Is everything alright?”

Kara could hear the little hitch Lena’s voice had in it, as the dark haired woman arched an eyebrow at her. She smiled back.

“Yes, I think so. This weather is really messing things up, CatCo shut down, a bunch of texts and now I’m wondering if we need to think about getting you home safe.”

Kara’s eyes went back to the window, snow falling fast and furious, and she used her vision to scan the city. Cars and busses had stopped and were beginning to get buried in place where they were, the city trucks barely making a dent in plowing, a few people struggling through drifts that were forming, most people opting to stay where they were in glowing windows or offices to wait out the storm. Even though it was an illusion, Kara always felt like it was safer in a snowstorm, that the clean white blizzard could keep the bad guys away, mischief and crime too daunting to undertake when confronted by snow in feets. The sky was a mix of gray and white and dark and light making it hard to tell what hour it was. She turned back to Lena, who was smiling at her.

“You know, Miss Danvers, you are a curious one. You keep surprising me.”

Kara tilted her head down a bit and walked closer to the desk, lifting her eyes to catch Lena’s again, willing something to catch between them again. She smiled softly at the CEO.

“How is that?”

Lena let her hands come to rest on the arms of her chair, recrossing her legs. Her face was inscrutable, though softer than before. Kara was finding that it was hard to read this Luthor completely. Most of the time, she relied on something deep inside of her to guide her to towards Lena, something she couldn’t really name. When Lena smiled at her, she felt it just under her ribs and it felt real, it felt like something she could believe in even when she had a hard time explaining it. The woman seated in front of her was full of contradictions and mystery and yet, Kara felt like, of anyone in this entire city, Lena trusted her with a true glimpse of who Lena was, on the inside. That was why she was drawn, why she kept trying to navigate her way with this woman. Lena spoke quietly.

“You disappear and reappear in my life at interesting times for interesting reasons. You interview me like a reporter and you confess like a lover. We’ve been doing this dance back and forth, haven’t we? So you’ll have to excuse me if I am simultaneously attracted to you and apprehensive that this is all a pretense.”

Kara sighed, letting her shoulders fall a little before she leaned her hip against Lena’s desk, letting her fingers glide over the smooth white surface. She could feel Lena’s eyes on her and she took a breath.

“I...have always been someone who values honesty and the truth. I always thought of myself as someone people can trust. But the truth is that I keep a lot of things hidden and I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

Lena raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything in return. Kara moved a little closer and let her fingers touch the dark-haired woman’s hand, feeling the spark of energy move between them again. She let her eyes meet Lena’s and could see the other woman’s breathing catch a little. Both of them could not deny how the other affected them in ways large and small, that much was visibly true.

“Lena, you scare me..”

At this, Lena pushed her chair back and stood, coming face to face with Kara and letting her eyes search the reporter’s face before whispering.

“I scare you.”

Kara swallowed a little, looking between Lena’s eyes and her mouth, before continuing.

“And this..thing..happening between us is something I want. I’m afraid because whenever I want something, just for myself, it gets taken away or lost.”

Lena watched as the reporter struggled a little, could hear it in her voice and the way Kara’s lips trembled a bit. She reached down and took Kara’s hand in her own, squeezing until blue eyes found hers again.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kara.”

Both women unconsciously closed the distance between them. Lena let her other hand reach up, unable to keep from putting it against Kara’s warm cheek. She felt like a London sunrise and Lena wanted to believe in that feeling, despite everything else, despite their own secrets kept safe.

“I’m scared of the same things and I haven’t been completely honest with you either.”

Here they were again, caught between each other, waiting for one small thing to happen that would start the chain of events leading to the next moment and the next. Kara felt that feeling again, between her ribs, her head swirling at the closeness of Lena’s body, the warmth she could feel despite the winter raging outside, the scent of flowers and skin filling her senses. The other woman licked her lips and pressed her hip against the reporter’s. Lena Luthor made her weak in ways Kryptonite never would and she felt herself falling from the sky, powerless to stop.

“Why do you do this to me?”

Kara’s words were a hoarse whisper, her eyes closed against the intensity of Lena’s gaze. She took a breath, willing her hands to stop shaking and willing the other woman to come closer. She stopped breathing all together when she felt warm lips against her neck, against her ear.

“Because you want me to, Kara. Because I scare you.”

A quiet descended over National City, layers of snow covering streets and buildings and bridges and parks. Everything was white and clean and new. The storm swirling around them was a metaphor, the flakes fell outside like tiny worlds full of potential, like little similes for everything that was now possible. Across the desk, a small white knight sat on a chess board, ready for the next move. Across town, a door opened and a darkness was released. Across the office, a different door opened into the private world that Kara and Lena were occupying.

And NCPD Detective Maggie Sawyers stepped into the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/QJ4nqO3tkzQ


	9. Remembering Mountains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 - Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Let us take a deep breath and step backward in time, when it was barely spring and the crocus tips were first starting to sprout, tiny bits of green peeking out of the ground. Remember being afraid that winter wasn’t finished yet, that a frost or a heavy snow could sneak back in and cover the ground and take away that first taste of spring. How to protect the most vulnerable, the delicate, the newborn yet knowing a little cold only makes this bulb of purple or yellow or white flesh stronger? How to encourage the hardening and the bloom all at once? How to welcome spring when a sudden wind from the north could freeze it all away? Lena Luthor understood, more than most, this feeling.

Now, deep within the confines of C-Block, Lena curled into a ball on the cold hard surface and couldn’t help but replay events of earlier. It had been a blur from the moment she woke up, from when Kara Danvers came to her, to now. The day and night became one, moments stretched into the next, until she no longer knew which way was up. The only thing that was holding it all together was the briefest memory of how Kara’s skin smelled of a spring day in a city far far away from here. In the cell that now held her, Lena blinked and thought of her last moment of freedom, bittersweet, blooming, and blizzardy.

_Both women stepped back from each other, again, breaking the spark connecting their bodies as the detective and her colleagues came into the office. It felt like a stitch ripping open, a rending of flesh from flesh and Lena’s lip burned from the absence of that brief contact against Kara’s neck. They had come so close and yet the moment dissipated, their path now changed course yet again. Lena stepped behind her desk, shrugging off her wool wrap, while Kara turned towards the door._

_“Maggie…”_

_Kara had spoken first, addressing the detective, surprised to see her there. Maggie looked between them both before holding her hand out to Kara._

_“Lillian Luthor had help escaping from NCPD custody earlier. We’re actually here on official business. Kara, I think it’d be better if you waited outside while I talk with Ms. Luthor.”_

_“No..”_

_Lena turned, her eyes falling on the reporter who had moments before been confessing that there had been something between them, that she had felt it too. Her voice was thick and the warmth on her cheeks had not left._

_“I want her to stay..”_

_She watched as Kara set her bag down and crossed her arms, determined and strong, almost familiar. If Kara was rattled by what had happened (or didn’t happen) between them moments before, she didn’t show it. Instead, her stance was solid and her jaw set, Kara’s words were reassuring and directed towards her._

_“It’s ok.”_

_They watched as Maggie nodded and pulled out a tablet._

_“The police were sent some surveillance footage I wanted to ask you about.”_

_On it, Lena saw herself reach down into her office cabinet and remove a glowing green lump. Kryptonite. She shook her head in disbelief, she never kept that in her office and though it looked like her, she knew it wasn’t. Who could have sent NCPD doctored surveillance video?_

_“That’s not me, I don’t know where you got that, but it’s not me.”_

_Desperately, she turned to Kara, her eyes begging her to believe her as the detective cuffed her and recited the charges she was facing. Kara brows were knitted together as she reached out her hand to slow everything down._

_“Hold on, Maggie, slow down, just let her explain.”_

_Lena looked at the blond, coming to her defense and she realized she was not going to win this one. Of course, her mother had framed her for her apparent escape, how could she expect anything less from the woman who professed love as a falsehood, as a pretense to get something from the daughter she never loved, barely accepted. Nothing was ever as it seemed with Lillian Luthor, words twisted, feelings manipulated. Growing up, she never knew what to believe, even as a young girl, she sensed that the woman she was forced to call Mother never wanted her even though she pretended. This was nothing new, this was just another game to Lillian, for revenge, for spite, for some other evil plan she was sure. It never ended with her and Lena sighed, defeated as the detective scolded Kara._

_“Stay out of it, Kara.”_

_Lena brought her eyes up one last time, catching Kara’s, before looking down and smiling as she nodded, her last words to Kara trying to reassure the reporter back._

_“It’s okay.”_

_And then she was marched out of her own office, past Jess who had tried to leave for the night but was caught by the detectives in the lobby to escort them up. Lena tried not to shiver against the cold in the parking garage as she was loaded into the back of an all terrain snow vehicle, unsurprised that the tank-like NCPD transport van could plow through the drifts and drifts of white in the streets of National City, the north wind of winter blowing hard. Spring was a long way away for Lena Luthor now._

***

Let us take a breath and step backwards in time, to the first night on earth when all the stars looked unfamiliar, when the constellations no longer made sense, when it felt like the darkness would never end. Remember being afraid that it would always be as black as it was that night, nothing to guide left or right, up or down, that no light would shine bright enough to make everything clear again. How to tell the way back home with no guiding star, when hope was a dimly lit, far away notion? How to find the way when nothing was solid, when familiar landmarks were gone, when there was no reason to believe a sun, any sun, would rise? How to chase away doubts in the dark of the night when no one understood what it meant to be starless, unbound? Kara Danvers understood, more than most, this feeling.

When Lena Luthor was taken from her office by Detective Sawyers, Kara sighed and picked up her bag to go. She needed to regroup, find Alex, and figure out what was going on. Now that Lillian Luthor was loose, no one was safe, especially Lena. As she left the CEO’s office, she saw a familiar figure standing next to Jess’ desk, all in black and leather jacket, her arms crossed and looking at her.

“Alex, do you know what just happened in that office?”

The agent gave Kara a quick once over, assessing her well-being after having not been in contact most of the day/night. With a nod of her head and eyes towards the elevator, Alex took her elbow and moved her down the dimly lit hallway of L-Corp’s penthouse floor. She could tell her sister was angry and frustrated and that this was a conversation best kept private. Kara jammed the down button with enough force that Alex was concerned that she might shove it through the concrete wall.

“Kara, calm down.”

This, of course, was the worst sisterly advice possible given the stormy mood Kara was in. It reminded Alex of a similar conversation, years ago, on the roof of their parent’s house.

_Young Kara Danvers carried maps wherever she went, had them stuffed in book bags and notebooks, tacked to her walls and in her pockets. She collected them like butterflies, pinning little ones on her mirror, carrying the rest like lucky charms, worn and folded. One night, not long after Kara had settled in, just a bit, to their family to the ways of the Danvers and the rhythm of their lives, Alex had climbed out the window and found Kara looking up at the stars and tracing her fingers over the most worn map she owned._

_“Hey kiddo, whatcha doing?”_

_Alex plopped down next to the strange and wonderful child that had come into her life, all full of energy and sparks, knobby kneed and blond hair all over the place. While it had taken some getting used to and some coaxing from Eliza and Jeremiah, Alex had grown fond of the curious girl, her wistful moods, her infectious smile, her joy. But at night, Alex had found that Kara shifted a little in temperament, her brow furrowed over maps and star gazing, a quiet descended on the normally talkative young one. Kara kept her finger on the map and her head straight up, eyes squinted._

_“I’m trying to find the Corsicus constellation and it should be right there.”_

_Alex looked down at that map, the moon lighting it just enough to see that Kara’s finger was on a dark patch of the paper. She couldn’t see anything where Kara pointed in the sky either, which was not surprising, given her sister’s special skills (as her mother liked to call them)._

_“There’s no such thing as the Corsicus constellation, they never taught that in science class and there’s nothing on your map, Kara.”_

_With a huff, Kara looked back down at the map and used her fingers for distance, whispering to herself as she put one finger on the spot and the other on the north star. Her eyes went back to the sky and her voice had a little indignation to it._

_“It is so and just because it’s not on the map doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”_

_Alex laid back down on the roof and looked up at the stars, sighing at her sister. Sometimes, the adjustment to earth was harder for the young girl than others, sometimes she missed her home planet more fiercely than anything else and Alex knew that Kara desperately wanted something to hold on to that was true, that reminded her of where she came from before she lost everything. Alex could always sense those moods in her sister even if the younger one could not always express them._

_“Kara, if it existed, it would be on the map, they don’t just make those things up from nothing.”_

_At that, the younger girl whirled around and put her hands on her hips, her brows crinkling together._

_“It does so exist! Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there!”_

_Alex raised her hand and waved at her sister, smiling up at her._

_“Kara, calm down. It’s just stars.”_

_The young girl’s face turned, her anger coming out in waves before the tears._

_“I will not calm down! They are out there and they are beautiful and I could see them every night clear as day like a star flower and no matter which stupid earth map I look at, it’s never the right one because no one here knows anything about where I came from and it’s not fair. Why can’t I find them? I know they’re out there…I remember them, I miss them..I miss them.”_

_And Kara covered her face, kneeling down on the roof, soft sobs wracking her small body. Alex sat up and put her arms around her new sister, hugging her for the first time since she had arrived. Alex noticed the flinch in the younger girl at the initial contact and then the relief, Kara settling against the older sister, crying until she was as quiet as the night on this new earth. Alex never moved, she just held on to Kara and made a vow to herself then that she would never let go._

When the elevator shut, Kara exploded.

“I am not going to calm down when Lena Luthor was just arrested for something she said she didn’t do! I know what you all have been saying, you, James, everyone. You all think she’s guilty just because she’s a Luthor! How is that even fair, to assume that Lena is anything like Lillian and Lex when she’s shown time and time again that she isn’t? I looked into her eyes, Alex, and I believe her.”

Alex looked over at her sister, watching the blonde's eyebrows knit together, her blue eyes flashing and redness in her cheeks. She and Maggie had debated back and forth at the precinct, once the dust had settled and they had pieced together what had happened. Metallo and Lillian had broken out NCPD, that much was clear. Maggie was trying to keep Alex from rushing over to L-Corp in the middle of a snowstorm when she received an email containing the damning video. She showed it to Alex and they both agreed that one, they needed to bring Lena in regardless, to charge her or protect her, since they had just hashed out what the younger Luthor’s motives might be and two, that Kara Danvers was going to be pissed off no matter what. Alex insisted that she go to L-Corp too to deal with the second point, commandeering another skidded all-terrain vehicle to navigate the roads. She put her arm on Kara’s arm to try to soothe, her voice calm.

“Kara, is it possible that your judgment about Lena Luthor is...compromised?”

The elevator opened to the garage level and they both stepped out into the chill. Kara stopped as the doors closed behind them, fixing her eyes on her sister and not happy.

“What are you saying, Alex?”

“I’m saying that maybe your feelings are clouding the actual facts and that Lena might not be the person you want her to be.”

At that, Kara stepped forward just a little, crowding into Alex’s space. Blue eyes were intense and the agent stepped back slightly.

“I am more than capable of separating facts from feelings, Alex. And you know nothing about what I want when it comes to Lena Luthor.”

Alex blinked and leaned forward just a bit, trying to absorb the biting tone without showing it. Her finger came up, pointing of its own accord, and not being able to hide the anger.

“You’re right, Kara. I don’t know anything about you and Lena because you’ve kept that a secret from me. I have to find out from my own girlfriend that my sister might be close to a Luthor, might be putting herself right into the lion’s den with a family that wants nothing more than to wipe you and your kind out.”

Kara flinched and stepped back, her voice shaking.

“My kind? Wow.”

Alex shook her head, putting her hands up in front of her head.

“Kara, that’s not...I didn’t mean it that way.”

The reporter blinked and wrapped her arms around herself as snow swirled even here, in the garage under tons of concrete, finding its way down the ramps and through mesh fencing and freezing against tires in the low light. Kara no longer knew whether it was night or day, whether the stars were out behind all the clouds and all the snow, whether the sun would ever rise again in the east in a pink-orange splash. Everything felt tilted off its axis, disheveled and in disarray, unbalanced and off-kilter. She looked back at Alex before giving her head a little shake, her voice resigned.

“Yeah, you kinda did, Alex. Thanks for that.”

And with that, Kara started walking in a direction, no destination in mind but nowhere really to go either. The urge to fly far far away made her fingers tingle and she took a deep breath, the cold air freezing inside her lungs and making her eyes burn until she realized there was water running down her cheek, unbidden. She shoved her hands in her pockets and shook her hair out of her face, the click of her boots on concrete the only sound and she was grateful for that for the moment. She made it up to the next level in the garage before a large black truck pulled up next to her, moving slowly in time with her steps as the window rolled down.

“Kara, get in. Please.”

She looked over at Alex in the driver’s seat, her eyes pleading with her. Even though they were close, the Danvers sisters also knew what hurt the other the most - those tiny cuts had come out before between them, infrequent but sharp. Kara wasn’t ready to give in or forgive just yet, the sting still sitting just under the middle of her chest. It was the same feeling she had at birthday parties she was never invited to, summer camp songs she never knew, stars she could never find. Feeling lost and alone was not unfamiliar territory for Kara Danvers, but that did not make it any easier either. The only thing she knew that was true, the only direction that made sense, the only destination on her map lead to one place and one place alone: Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/YA3SevA-52g


	10. Red Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' - Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

There is silence like a winter night, still and cold and crisp, but with the promise of ending in a golden orange ball burning off the chill and welcoming the chatter of life anew each day. And then there is silence like outer space, a deep deep hush of absence, the one that seems to go on endlessly into galaxies and galaxies, far far away. That is the dark silence that hasn’t ended in the big black Land Rover occupied by two women. Alex kept her eyes on the tracks of white in front of her, navigating her way carefully back to the DEO, the lights cutting through sideways flakes. Kara sat quietly next to her, hands in her lap, unmoving and focused on the road ahead. Neither spoke, the cold and the altercation keeping them within their own heads.

Alex breathed out as she wheeled into the underground ramp to her home away from home on the city outskirts. Though the travel had been rough, it was nice to be somewhere familiar. She had been reliving the conversation from earlier over and over again and she tried to make it go differently each time. The thing about Kara, Kara her sister, not Kara the superhero, not Kara the reporter, was that she was so much more guarded than Alex ever was, so much more stoic than most people would believe. Where Supergirl and Kara Danvers the reporter were open, sunny, bright, Kara Zor-El still held herself carefully, cautiously. Alex knew that the years here on Earth had made Kara, her sister, that way, how could they not? As a kid, Alex watched Kara hide everything, moments of joy for herself shamed and tucked away, moments of growth, of self held back by well-meaning parents, an over protective sister, a pair of glasses, fear of being who she was.

Alex had tried everything to help Kara fit in here on earth to assimilate, she had kept her cover story faithfully, had protected her sister from anyone knowing too much about her. The truth was that Kara was an alien, she was not born on earth, she was not of this planet, she was different, she was foreign. Kara was so, so special and until recently, being special was frowned upon. And Alex had, once again, implied everything that made Kara special was wrong, was _other_ , and that was the last thing she had ever wanted to do. The brooding agent struggled not to blame the name Luthor for their fight. The flash in Kara’s eyes at Lena’s name told Alex that there was definitely more to their relationship than she thought and that relationship was dangerous, she was sure of it.

“Winn, what do we have?”

Alex stepped into the DEO central command pit, shrugging her jacket off and dropping on the nearest chair. Her eyes first glanced up at the screen Winn was projecting, then turned to look back at her sister, silently following behind with little expression. Alex swallowed before turning back to the screen, Winn’s fingers typing wildly and his eyes glued ahead.

“Good morning, Alex. And the fact that I’m saying that means something is way weird in National City. I think I’ve got a wild theory for you.”

At Alex’s huff, Winn looked up at the Danvers sisters. Carefully, his eyes moved from one to the other, a confused expression on his face. Alex had her hands on her hips, face of stone and all business. Kara’s arms were crossed, her winter jacket a shield between her and the others in the room. Her normally cheerful demeanor dampened with a slight frown as she let her eyes fall over the rotating models and visual analytics.

“Um, the future called and it wants its frown back. What’s wrong? Kara? Is everything ok?”

Kara’s voice was quiet in the darkened room.

“Yes, everything’s fine, Winn. Can you just please tell me what I’m dealing with here so I can get to work.”

Alex glanced at her but said nothing. She knew a Danver’s wall when she saw one. Winn looked again between them and just nodded, taking a deep breath and spelling out what the data models told him so far.

“Ok. We’ve got a few things going on simultaneously, so we’re talking about a multivariate model with interdependencies. Without each factor, the others would not exist. So, first, we’ve got the right weather variables in place to support what you see happening outside. Temp, moisture, low barometric pressure, cloud density, etc.”

Winn looked between the two women as they nodded, following his finger over the map and data points. He continued, his fingers rushing over the keyboard.

“That’s all and well and basically how winter works, but it doesn’t explain the non-normal distribution of those variables here in National City _and_ the precise electromagnetic interference range that’s affecting our devices and comm systems as shown here.”

Winn overlaid another map on to the first, showing three dimensional space with a vortex pulling down the clouds and a refractory wave pushing signals outwards. As they looked at the whirling map, J’onn Jonzz joined them in the command room, along with James Olsen, the two men glancing at Alex and Kara before J’onn nodded his hello. Kara’s eyes narrowed a little at James, remnants of his Guardian suit still on his body and a bandage on his shoulder.

“Something is drawing it all here. And I am pretty sure that something is the work of L-Corp. There’s a prototype that’s been rumored for a bit now on some deep channels I frequent online.”

Kara’s attention was drawn closer as Winn looked back at them, pulling up a picture of small black box, a schematic with the L-Corp stamp on it with sketched out arrows explaining functionality, dimensions, and vector coordinates. Kara concentrated on the name in white letters as Alex glanced at her, the agent raising her hand to wave at the image as she spoke.

“What kind of prototype is this exactly, Winn?”

“Well, this box is called the _Virgula Divina_ and while it’s all speculative at this point, we think it’s part of L-Corp’s new line of green environmental technology. The concept design for this is a little strange and I haven’t figured it out completely, but it essentially controls the weather variant concentration levels with an added touch of dark energy disruption thrown in for good measure.”

Alex and J’onn peered at the box design on the screen, perking up at the dark energy connection. Kara turned and paced a bit, her brow coming together trying to put all the pieces together. With a quiet voice, she spoke.

“I don’t get it, why would L-Corp include a disruptive in something that could be used to eliminate drought or floods in places on earth where people are most vulnerable to the weather? Maybe it has another purpose? Lena was changing the focus of their research to help people, not harm them.”

At that, they all looked at Kara and James spoke the words they were all thinking.

“Yeah, Kara, why would L-Corp do something like that and for what purpose? Let’s ask ourselves those questions.”

Her friend’s voice had a tinge of sarcasm in it and Kara was in no mood for that as she huffed out, her eyes beginning to simmer. Winn interrupted the staring contest by pulling up one more map overlay and clearing his throat.

“These are hypotheticals, remember, a theory. And I mentioned that there were interdependencies at play here, each dynamic factor interacting with the other in a very specific way to get us to where we are now. But our biggest worry is what’s not showing up on the map. Yet. Here, look at this data model.”

All bodies turned toward Winn as he pulled up a separate monitoring application, an invisible grid falling over the city’s topography, the weather anomaly in the middle. On the edges of the city, faint patterns began to emerge. As Winn typed in additional parameters, the map began to fill in with red as it swirled and concentrated within the vortex until the city was aglow.

“As of an hour ago, we’ve got trace synthesized Kryptonite particle signatures in the atmosphere. We’ve got only a few hours before the city will be covered in it from the snow.”

Winn’s eyes automatically went to Kara and so did Alex’s as the agent unconsciously moved closer to her sister, concern seeping into her voice. Her body tensed at the thought.

“What do you mean Kryptonite in the atmosphere, how? That means Kara’s powers are being targeted specifically. We need to get a plan in place here.”

J’onn nodded his head as he spoke up.

“Yes, Alex, Krytponite. And we know the who, the where, and probably the why. We can plan accordingly.”

All eyes turned to the DEO director, waiting for more information. His brow was furrowed as he uncrossed his arms, shifting towards the screen.

“I tracked the Cadmus Cyborg to a mountain retreat north of here, its some kind of storage facility. There.”

Winn had pulled up a digital typography of the range of mountains near National City, the small red blinking dot showing a location.

“We think that’s where Cadmus is staging this at the moment, after Lilian’s escape and..”

J’onn looked over at James and all eyes turned to his deep voice, breaking the silence.

“And I just fought Metallo at the NCPD. He’s strong, but something’s off. I think the Krytponite is hurting him.”

James paused before he spoke again, his eyes falling on Kara and Alex. The two women stood close, but there was enough distance that even he noticed, he wasn’t sure what was going on between the two sisters but suspected it had something to do with what he was about to say next.

“And he helped Lena Luthor escape.”

At that, Kara stepped forward, her eyes steel.

“What do you mean, Lena escaped?”

Alex moved closer to Kara, feeling the heat radiating from her sister. She pulled out her phone and glanced at a cluster of texts from the day, all randomly displayed but one from Maggie held her eye, _Lena gone_ , and she took a breath and spoke.

“James, when did this happen? She was just taken into NCPD custody. Was..anyone hurt?”

James shook his head, glancing down at his shoulder before speaking to the group.

“Less than an hour ago, a few guards were knocked out and I had a little damage, nothing big.”

Kara moved forward, her body coming in front of her friend James, at war with her emotions. Her eyes glanced at his shoulder and quickly scanned him for any other injuries before fixing him with her stare.

“What about Lena, is she ok?”

James looked over at the woman he had come to know well, though lately their relationship had become strained as he and Winn focused on Guardian work. What James saw was concern on Kara’s face, misguided or misled by a family James knew intimately. The Luthors had done nothing but cause misery to those he cared about, to Clark who also believed in a Luthor, and he was not about to let Kara Danvers fall under their spell too.

“I saw her walk out with him before everything went black for me. She was just fine, trust me.”

The young blonde’s brows came together as she paced a bit, catching a glance from Alex.

“We have to find out where he’s taken Lena and help her.”

James shook his head, his voice deepening with conviction as he looked at Kara.

“What is it going to take for you to realize Lena is a criminal, she’s not the victim. She got the Kryptonite, he broke her out of prison.”

“Lena’s not a member of Cadmus! She’s not.”

Kara’s voice was raised and exasperated, her eyes looking around the room at her friends and colleagues. It was clear no one shared her sentiment, none of them, and it hurt. Even if she went over the litany of good deeds Lena Luthor had done, everyone in this room was against her. She was alone again, her trust in others doubted, her judgment doubted. It felt like growing up on earth, trying to find the answers to a test she never studied for, trying to trust herself first before she could trust anyone else on this new planet. Kara’s heart said one thing and her head tried to follow. Right now, Kara Danvers was beginning to understand what people meant when they talked about faith, that elusive fabric that could hold everything together when doubt crept in. Was what she felt when she was with Lena real? Was her faith in Lena Luthor enough?

J’onn crossed his arms and looked at Kara, knowing that the younger Danvers was a storm cloud right now, quiet and brooding and upset. But at the DEO, it was too risky to trust anyone’s motives or history, especially when there was as many signs pointing to the ill intent of the house of Luthor than not. The stolen Kryptonite turned the tide against all others. The director could not afford for Kara, for Supergirl, to be conned by a smooth-talking Luthor, not when the stakes for aliens, for this one special, special alien, were this high.

“We have to start treating Lena Luthor as a hostile, the evidence is too overwhelming.”

Kara huffed out a breath and put her hands on her hips, looking around one last time before her eyes fell on the one person who might not be swayed by the sentiment of a Luthor name and more likely to keep digging for facts.

“Winn? I know you’ll find something if you look at this again, find something to prove her innocence.”

J’onn looked at Kara, letting his voice go a little more quiet, trying to be gentle.

“Everything we’ve seen so far, says the exact opposite.”

Kara looked back at James, J’onn, her sister Alex who had been especially quiet during this whole exchange, and pointedly spoke for all to hear.

“Well she’s my friend. And I believe in her.”

And with that, Kara walked out of the command pit, lost in her own thoughts. Alex watched her, her head tilted a bit, knowing that her sister was in over her head on this whole Lena Luthor thing. And frankly, these damn Luthors were clouding Alex’s thoughts as well, raising too much doubt for her while seemingly also strengthening Kara’s resolve in the opposite direction. It was maddening, but Alex Danvers was not someone who gave up easily. If she was going to save Kara this time, it wouldn’t be from the coming Kryptonite cloud or Metallo, it would be from herself. And if Alex’s plan worked, it would answer the question of whether Lena Luthor could be trusted once and for all.

***

Kara punched hard and it felt like the turn of a screw that releases water from a dam, relief and satisfaction from holding back all that pressure. She stepped back, taking a deep breath and adjusting her glasses before another wave of anger hit her, one fueled by clouds of doubt and trust and truth and faith. With a grit of her teeth and jaw set, she unleashed another powerful punch, the give of concrete from the impact settling the tingle of energy in Kara’s fist, in her fingertips from using her power. With one last effort to settle her mind and heart now, Kara kicked over the tonnage of concrete, watching it crumble as she breathed out. She knew what she needed to do and if her friends, and her sister, were not on board or with her, she would do it herself, coming Kryptonite cloud be damned. If Kara’s plan worked, it would answer that last remaining question in her head, letting her heart finally have faith, finally have something for herself.

**

Due north, the dark rocking and swaying of the van was slightly hypnotic, the slow trek in the snow dulling her senses. Lena Luthor closed her eyes when her mother got out of her seat and joined her in the back, stealing herself for the coming blows. Lena knew the minute Metallo showed up at her cell that her mother had something in store for her, it was payback time for turning her in, for betraying her mother, for always being a symbol of her father’s betrayal, for being who she was.

Lillian Luthor was not a woman who forgot or forgave and Lena was going to suffer for it, not physically (although that was always an option), but emotionally. Lena knew what was coming, how she would be broken, this was not a new experience. As strong as she was, as smart as she was, only her mother could tear her down in a way that was so precise, so cutting, so crushing, it felt like open heart and brain surgery all at once and all without anesthesia. Her mother, after all, was a very good doctor.

If Lena was going to survive, if she was going to come out ahead in this dark family game, she would need something to focus on, some other place, some other time. She was in London now, the morning sun striking a pair of soft blue eyes sitting across from her just right. She was in London, sharing a warm croissant over breakfast coffee. She was in London, looking out the window as a flash of red, of blue stopped, hovered just a bit, the morning sun striking a pair of soft blue eyes just right. Lena Luthor let herself have this moment of hope as the ride got bumpier, the road slow with snow, her mother’s voice about to break her.

National City was far, far away, the snow falling harder, whiter, deeper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/bsoqmFL1vlU


	11. When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' - Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Blind faith means diving headfirst into the darkness without a safety net, hoping the landing won’t hurt too much, the fall won’t be too far, the ending will be a happy one. All her life, since she was a little girl on Kryton, Kara Zor-El believed in wishing upon falling stars. Her mother, Alura, had pointed each one out to her in the hazy, reddish sky above their planet, telling tales of glory or doom depending upon how bright the star’s final moments were. It was an antiquated fairy tale that Kara embraced - believing that the fate of an entire sun and maybe planets full of life rested on a supernova of strange gases all mixed in just the right way. As she had gotten older, Kara realized that sometimes, fate was determined by action, that leaving everything to chance alone also meant limiting the opportunity for a brilliant supernova to a wish. And Kara Zor-El was not that little girl anymore, she was action and she was going to stack the odds in her favor. Rocketing through the unpredictable National City winter night, Supergirl dove headfirst into the unknown, buoyed by hope alone.

_“You know, the backseat driving, not helping.”_

_Kara paced back and forth behind Winn at his DEO command station, her hands tingling from where her fists met concrete. She could feel the effects of the Kryptonite particles starting to infuse the atmosphere, miniature power drains affecting her body like a drug. There was not much time if she was going to take matters into her own hands and find Lena Luthor. She needed one last thing, one tiny piece of information to set her course, to convince her head what her heart already knew._

_“Sorry, have you found anything yet?”_

_She peered at Winn’s screen as code scrolled by across one screen while video feeds played on another._

_“I promise, I will tell you.”_

_Kara watched as Winn did his magic, tuning out as he described his process. She went over the facts of this very long and strange day in her head. Time seemed to stand still. Winter came on like a lion. Lena. Lena. Lena. And all that meant. Kryptonite-fueled Metallo freed Lillian from prison. Video of Lena, not Lena. Kryptonite-fueled Metallo freed Lena from prison. Virgula Divinia. L-Corp. Lena Luthor. It all came back to her, didn’t it. Kara took a deep breath, wondering if the feeling she had just under her ribs was because she was scared Lena was in danger or scared that Lena guilty. She was having trouble telling the difference anymore._

_Her revery was broken as she watched the screen, Winn’s video morphing as his fingers kept typing until the image on the screen changed and they both watched the truth unfold. She hated that she was surprised._

_“Lena didn’t do it!”_

_Kara let a breath out that she didn’t realize she was holding in, the relief made her heart beat again. It felt like waking up to a new day, warm and complete. Right now, that feeling was going to be her map, it would guide her in the right direction and she tucked it away safely, letting seep between her ribs and down her arms into her fingers, tingling again for want of a different kind._

_“Kryptonite signature detected.”_

_The computerized voice came over the command pit and Kara’s attention shifted, the other immediate problem at hand making itself known. She and Winn joined J’onn and Alex at the monitoring station, their eyes watching the red pattern of synthesized Kryptonite continue to fall over the city, but something was off. Alex pointed at the screen._

_“The ionizing signature is breaking down at an exponential rate. It’s de-stabilizing and spreading. We can’t risk the effects on Supergirl of that much synthesized Kryptonite in the atmosphere much longer. Winn, what’s making it unstable?”_

_Kara looked at her sister, knowing that there was still unfinished business to attend to between them but now was not the time to discuss. She knew what was happening to her and there wasn’t much time left. Winn pulled up the data from the models he had been running earlier and typed, his fingers finding the schematic of the L-Corp prototype and his eyes scanning it closely._

_“Whoa, whoa, if these numbers are right, Cadmus is using synthetic Kryptonite in the Virgula Divinia’s dark energy disruptor as both an energy source and a dispersant. That L-Corp box is causing all of this and if my model is right, it has an hour tops before it blows.”_

_At this, Kara’s brows came together in concern, absorbing everything as she revised her plan again as new facts came in. That last word struck a chord._

_“Blow?”_

_Winn held up his hand and looked up at her, his voice emphasizing his point._

_“Like go nuclear.”_

_They all looked at each other and shifted, trying to come up with a plan before it was too late. Alex looked at Winn, her head processing the prototype design and the issue. There had to be some way to stabilize the Kryptonite, that there was something about this device that could be used against itself. She looked at J’onn as his mind caught up with hers and they nodded, turning together towards Kara and Winn before Alex spoke._

_“What if we introduced a hydrogen core within the box’s dark energy coil to act as both a stabilizer and an energy source, disrupting the synthetic Kryptonite’s own ionic breakdown?”_

_Winn started typing in some numbers to run a new data model, including the cosmological constant and the two power source properties. Kara shook her head, impatient, her mind focusing on only one thing now._

_“No, there’s no time, I have to go now or Lena’s dead.”_

_Alex watched her sister go, stripping off her shirt as she transformed into Supergirl. No matter how many times she watched it happen, it always made Alex both proud and afraid for the girl she loved more than all others. Alex had no idea whether Supergirl could fly in the current conditions, how long her power would last, whether she’d get there in time before everything blew up, and whether or not Lena Luthor would be responsible for the last time Alex would see her sister alive. There was no way in hell she was going to leave any of that up to chance, not when the Luthors were involved. She turned to J’onn and Winn, her eyes determined._

_“J’onn, how fast can you get me up that mountain?”_

With a crash through the granite wall of mountain above Lex Luthor’s storage facility, Supergirl landed abruptly in the middle of the room, opening a hole in the satellite casing to the outside, letting in some of the wind and snow from outside as all eyes turning towards her. Lena’s eyes went wide at the sight, surprised to have been found so fast and so deep in the middle of her mother’s madness. Without thinking, she quickly walked towards the superhero, her mother and her two henchmen following right behind.

“Supergirl. I can’t believe you’re here!”

Lena hated the way her own words gave her away, the hint of hope seeping out despite her best effort. They locked eyes briefly, and Supergirl spoke to only one person in the group and one person only.

“Kara Danvers believes in you.”

At that, Lena paused, her mind whirling at the thought, like a lifeline after all the damage her mother had done, all in the name of Luthor. A part of her wanted the superhero to take back those words, to hide the name of someone who meant so much to her from her mother’s clutches. Everything Lena ever wanted, wished for herself, secretly kept hidden from the dark hand of Lillian Luthor became weaponized when revealed. This was how it had always been, how the needle went in and the damage was done, how Lena’s hope was broken time and time again by a woman who held no rights to say she ever loved anyone but Lex. She wanted to hide Kara Danvers away from Lillian Luthor to keep her safe. And now Supergirl was in play, both a white knight to save her and, in a way, a threat all at the same time. Lena knew that both Kara Danvers and Supergirl were now in danger, all because she cared about both in equal measure.

“Oh look Lena, it’s your girlfriend. So nice of you to join us, Supergirl. I can’t say that I wasn’t expecting you. Because I was.”

Lillian Luthor stepped forward, her smile not reaching her eyes as she tossed a sonic grenade across the air where Supergirl caught it. Immediately, the high pitched waves pierced the superhero’s hearing, the pain coming unbidden to her face as she fell to her knees with a cry. Lillian strolled over casually, looking down at the woman she clearly despised. It hadn’t been hard for her to see that her daughter felt something for this alien, she had seen it with her own eyes. And looking down at Supergirl, she suspected that the feeling was mutual. Even better.

“Well, that was easy. I had been hoping for more of a fight from your _friend._ Then again, your.. taste..in women was always questionable.”

At that, Lillian glanced back at Lena before her boot shot out, kicking into Supergirl’s ribs, doubling her over. The superhero fell back to the floor, the combination of the sonic waves tearing into her skull and the kick briefly stunning her.

“Don’t hurt her!!”

Lena surged forward, yelling out at her mother while the Cyborg wrapped his arms around her tightly. Lillian turned back to her briefly before she spoke, her tone cutting and precise like a surgeon.

“Sorry, she’s got to pay for what her cousin did to your brother.”

Lena tried to fight off the Cyborg to get to Supergirl, but found herself thrown to the ground. Dazed a little from the fall, she was still aware of her mother’s voice as the older Luthor addressed Supergirl on her knees, hands over her ears.

“And, quite honestly, this is personal now. I should have killed you when I had the chance the first time. Or the second time. But as they say, the third time's a charm.”

For her part, Supergirl struggled with dueling threats to her powers, the sonic wave amplifying pain while her strength decreased from the rapidly developing synthetic Kryptonite particles in the air. She knew she was on borrowed time when she flew here and it took all her strength and focus to move through the vortex of winter, unpredictable clouds buffeting her high and then plummeting her low. She could feel the tiny particles of synthetic Kryptonite stinging against her face, her speed fluctuating wildly. She had kicked herself into high gear right before she drilled a hole through the mountain to get here, flinching at the pain of the impact. She knew she didn’t have much longer before her powers would dwindle to nothing as the synthesized Kryptonite particles permeated her body. With her eyes on Lena, she gritted her teeth as she spoke.

“There is still time to stop this before this whole place explodes. I know that you’re using synthetic Kryptonite. But you’re just making it more unstable. It will blow any minute now.”

Lillian had started walking towards a vault in the middle of the room, her henchman dragging Supergirl with her. At Supergirl’s words, she turned around and smiled, this one reaching her eyes. Her voice was callously amused, uncaring.

“Oh, that’s even better. You and my dear dear daughter, going out together in a blaze of glory. How romantic.”

The sonic grenade still vibrated pain through Supergirl’s body, throwing off her senses and keeping her from raising her fists in fight. It was like a migraine hurricane, waves surging over her brain, drowning out everything as she stumbled. Metallo and the Cyborg held Supergirl up as she struggled against it all, gritting out her words.

“Lillian, leave Lena out of this, she hasn’t done anything wrong. She’s innocent.”

In an instant, Lillian’s eyes turned cold as she backhanded Supergirl, hard and fast, like a sniper who had done this many times before. Her eyes fell to the blood on her own hand, surprised, until she looked at the superhero’s mouth, a fresh cut forming on her bottom lip. Her voice dripped venom.

“Huh, that’s a familiar look for you, isn’t it? I always seem to be drawing alien blood despite how vile I find it.”

With this, Lilian’s face relaxed into a smile, her hand reaching out to a strand of Supergirl’s hair, an almost intimate act made profane by the time and the place. She looked at the superhero, pain on her face, trying to fight the grip of two men who held her steady. Lillian twisted that lock of blonde hair in her fingers, cocking her head to the side.

“Lena always was a curious child, brought into my family by her father, the product of an affair with some lowly secretary. Oh, I fought it, I didn’t want her, another child to take attention away from my Lex. But charity starts at home, right?”

The sonic grenade continued to issue its high pitched whine and Supergirl winced at the pain, feeling her powers draining at the same time as the grip on her arms tightened. She was having a hard time focusing, but she endured, her eyes locked on the Luthor matriarch, defiant.

“But you see, Supergirl, I was now her mother and I did to her what I do best. I molded her in the Luthor image. I guided her. I influenced her. I _taught_ her. But a mother’s love can only go so far, the rest she did all on her own. You don’t think she came here with me under duress, do you? She was a willing participant in this whole thing, how do you think I got you to come here to me? It was her idea. ‘ _What better way to lure Supergirl here than me_ ’, she said. Clever girl. It worked.”

Lillian smiled at Supergirl and continued, her head held high.

“I’m actually sort of proud that she’s fooled you into thinking she’s innocent. That you and Kara Danvers ‘believe in her’. How sweet. My darling Lena’s always been a fine actress. She would try to hide things from me, but, what can I say, a mother’s intuition is always right. So, let me guess, she’s confessed that she has feelings for one or both of you, made you care about her.”

Lillian watched the superhero carefully, raising an eyebrow at the fleeting look in Supergirl’s eye. The Luthor matriarch was nothing if not observant, calculating, precise. She smiled and nodded.

“Mm hmm. The sooner you realize it’s a mistake to trust her, Supergirl, the easier it will be to say goodbye.”

Supergirl clinched her jaw and shook her head, her words labored by the pain.

“If Lena’s guilty, then take her with you. Leave me and take her.”

At this, Lillian threw her head back and laughed before her eyes settled back on the superhero, a smile still on her lips.

“If there’s one thing I love more than my daughter, it’s seeing you suffer. What better way to do that then to destroy you and the person you care about at the same time. Two for one deal. Besides..”

At this, Lillian came over and ran a finger across Supergirl’s chin, smearing her blood as the superhero jerked back at the touch. She could feel the synthetic Kryptonite burning against her skin like miniscule drops of acid, sapping her power with every passing moment. Soon enough, she’d be left limp, helpless, drained. Soon enough, everything would go dark.

“You and your kind need pay for what you’ve done to the Luthors and to this place you so undeservingly call home. I’m going to send you back to the stars in pieces, Supergirl. The earth is ours.”

With that, Lillian Luthor nodded and the Cyborg and Metallo commenced punching, pummeling Supergirl, dragging her towards the secure vault as Lena Luthor lay forgotten on the cold concrete floor.

***

With a quick swipe of a DEO-designed code key that reverse read previously entered coordinates, Alex Danvers slipped into the side door by the bay of the storage facility unseen. She wiped the snow from her face, her black wool beanie pulled down low against the weather. She quietly crept along the steel walls, behind trucks and shipping containers her eyes catching on movement in the center of the room. She checked her weapon, checked her gear, checked her most precious cargo and glanced at the mechanical timepiece on her arm, the only thing counting down how many minutes they had remaining before the unstable synthetic Kryptonite blew up.

Agent Danvers had a plan that required stealth rather than a show of force, singular action rather than waves of agents barreling in. There was too much at risk for a full assault, this required delicate, precise action. They didn’t have that kind of time, even J’onn reluctantly agreed, as he went to secure all possible exits first. She had to trust this plan would work but hated that it relied on the one person she trusted the least.

Alex went low, crawling under a large black truck on her elbows, her eyes taking in the scene and formulating her approach. She could see people gathered together and her target, a podium rising out of the floor, slightly hidden from the group by a shipping container. On top of it, a steel black box sat with a hovering green orb of synthetic Kryptonite suspended above it, held in place by electromagnetic forces and radiating a beam of pale green out and upwards into the sky.

Alex pushed up her shirt sleeve and reviewed the specs taped securely to her forearm one last time, before she glanced back up at the commotion. Her breath caught when she saw her sister on her knees, hands over her ears trying to drown out a high pitched sound. Lena Luthor was thrown to the ground and lay just yards away from the _Virgula Divinia_ , throwing off its deadly, concentrated power.

“...this is personal now…”

Lillian’s voice wafted over the edge of the sonic din and Alex shimmied forward, scurrying towards a container. The others were preoccupied and Alex hoped that Kara could keep them that way without getting hurt. She moved towards the podium and her eyes caught a flash of green. On the floor, Lena Luthor shook her head, clearing it from the daze and brushing the hair out of her eyes. At that moment, the agent and the supposed hostile locked eyes, before Lena glanced back at her mother, at Supergirl and then back to Alex. She took a breath, about to yell out when Alex held up a finger to her lips and pointed to the black box.

Alex had struggled with this plan from the first start as she talked it over with J’onn and Winn in the command pit. Everything about it felt wrong, went against her instincts, made her feel frustrated and out of control. But there was little choice now. She needed Lena and if the woman Kara said she believed in made another choice, went a different path and sided with the Luthors, Alex was prepared to take them all out at once to save her sister. She had a backup plan just in case, one she trusted more than the woman lying in her family’s own den of evil. That same woman now looked at her, nodding back and crawling towards the podium, meeting the DEO agent there at the same time. They both stood, staring at the _Virgula Divina_ , time ticking slowly away before they looked at each other again, Alex’s voice quiet but urgent. It was now or never.

“Lena, what’s it going to be? Your family or Supergirl?”

Alex watched as Lena did not hesitate, did not look over her shoulder, did not falter. The CEO looked down at the box and cleared her throat, her eyes glancing briefly at the agent before returning to the device. She spoke quickly as her fingers searched for the hidden catch near the base of the box.

“This is an early Luthor Corporation prototype, my company re-engineered it recently to remove some of the more lethal technology and run it off of a hydrogen cell. The dark energy coil in this old model was designed to do exactly what it’s doing - use Kryptonite as both energy source and dispersant to destroy Superman.”

Alex looked at her, knowing what she just said, narrowing her eyes before she glanced over at Lillian and her sister, still preoccupied over the din of the sonic grenade. Both Metallo and the Cyborg held Supergirl up and Alex tried not to focus on the pain that was evident on her face. Lena opened the catch and the interior components looked like watch gears, al gleaming silver, black, and gold. Alex gave Lena the next clue, testing.

“That Kryptonite from your office is synthetic and its ionization levels are breaking down rapidly. It’s highly unstable and about to blow.”

Lena looked up from the device and took in a breath, her eyes glancing back, brows coming together in concern before she turned back and nodded, her attention now on the inner workings of the box.

“If what you say is true about the ionization levels dropping, then we need to adjust the dark energy coil’s per unit volume setting according to the equation of state. Then we need to reverse the transductor between the Kryptonite source and fit a hydrogen core here. I don’t suppose you have one of those, do you, Agent Danvers?”

Alex raised an eyebrow at the other woman who raised her own back. Let it not be said that these two women did not duel well with a lift of their sculpted brows. Alex sighed and reached into her belt pouch, pulling out a cartridge like a shotgun shell and letting it fall into Lena Luthor’s outstretched palm. Maybe one day, if they survived, she tell Lena how she came about securing an L-Corp hydrogen core, but now was not the time. Alex’s eyes checked back to her sister, watching Lillian Luthor play with her hair which was something she never thought she’d see. She quickly glanced at her watch and whispered.

“Hurry up, we’ve only got a few more minutes before this whole thing goes up and I’m not about to lose Supergirl to your mother.”

Lena kept her eyes steady on her work as her fingers adjusted a mechanical setting deep inside, her jaw clenching as she cocked her head to the side.

“Neither am I.”

They looked at each other briefly before Lena inserted the hydrogen core into the spare energy source socket. The Kryptonite orb remained suspended above it, cracks appearing in the surface. Lena leaned closer, fingers finding two thin coil transductors and beginning the process of reversing the connections. Alex leaned over too, watching her carefully. Either this worked and they all would be saved or Lena Luthor was one hell of an actress acting out a last scene to its tragic finale. This was it, it was now or never.

Just as Lena made the switch and rerouted the energy source, the collapsing synthetic Kryptonite orb became encased in white light, suspended and secure, the cracks filled now in like glue. Alex watched as the green beam of light upwards turned a rich gold, casting itself brilliantly throughout the entire facility, filtering everything to the hue of a sun. At the same time, both women turned towards Lillian and Supergirl just as the two men holding her began raining fists against the woman of steel, crying out in pain. Alex yelled first, drawing her weapon and rushing forward.

“Supergirl!”

At the sound of her sister’s voice, Supergirl’s head turned, catching a glance of Alex rushing towards her before another punch from the Cyborg sent her sprawling across the floor. The sonic wave kept hitting her still as she clutched her side, her body curled up and woozy. Just then, at just the right time, Supergirl looked up and saw Lena looking at her, her face drawn and afraid. Their eyes locked, a familiar tableau from another time, another place, that fleeting glance sparked between them again. She saw, rather than heard, Lena scream something before Metallo’s boot landed hard against the back of her head, dazing her.

The two Cadmus men moved towards Supergirl, ready to finish the job as Lillian looked on from a safe distance. Alex was about to join the fight, weapon at the ready. All at once, the sonic wave stopped and everything was quiet. All eyes turned towards the device, now in the hands of Lena Luthor who had screwed off the top and popped out the battery, shrugging at them as she tossed it aside. Everyone took a breath and then turned back, surprised to see Supergirl standing and at the ready, the golden light of hydrogen bathing her as her hands turned to fists. She even managed a small smile before punching the Cyborg across the storage facility, his body smashing into a storage container. Metallo rushed into the void, throwing a punch before Supergirl picked him up easily, throwing him into the glass vault and shattering the windows with his body. Her elbow came back against the oncoming Cyborg, knocking his jaw back and his body to the ground. Just as Metallo was about to swing Lex’s atomic axe into Supergirl’s body, Alex fired off a shot from her favorite gun, the one she had recently secured, the one she now loved as much as she would a favored child. Her aim was true.

Quietly, off to the side, Lillian backed up, moving away from the vault and the fight. Her hand caught the Cyborg by the coat before she looked over at her daughter, shaking her head.

“It’s time to leave.”

****

Supergirl stood in the golden glow in middle of the cold mountain facility, tall and sure, eyes still vigilant and alert. Wind and snow from where she punched a hole in layers of granite continued to whip around her, her cape billowing behind her as she shook the hair out of her eyes, hands still in fists from the fight. With a quick wipe of the back of her hand, she smudged away the blood from her lower lip, the last remnant of her depleted power struggle. Breathing heavily, she only calmed when she saw that Alex and Lena were safe, the reversed engineered _Virgula Divinia_ device now held the Kryptonite in a stabilized stasis, now useless, now harmless and now refracting hydrogen outward like a golden filter over everything. Supergirl was once again full of power, solid, whole. Her eyes locked with Lena’s and softened, the light hitting them just right, blue like a flame.

Alex breathed out a sigh of relief and looked over at Lena, suddenly caught between the two, each focused on the other. Lena had defied her mother yet again to save Supergirl, had dismantled the device that stole some of what made Kara special from her. She begrudgingly had to admit that maybe Lena was who her sister wanted her to be. She watched as Lena Luthor now stood mesmerized by Supergirl, the look on her face was evident. Fear and concern for Supergirl’s well-being was slowly replaced by one of wonder, of something softer.

“Go on.”

Alex said softly, her words breaking the spell just a little. Lena looked over at her briefly before she rushed to Supergirl, unable to slow the need to be near. Lena let her body fall against Supergirl’s side, eliciting an exhale from the superhero while one of those strong arms wrapped around and held her waist tight. Lena searched Supergirl’s eyes, seeing something lingering in them, vigilance remaining, her breath still coming heavy from the fight and the pain she had endured. For all intents and purposes, they were the only two people in the room in this moment.

“Supergirl...”

Lena’s voice was quiet, catching Supergirl’s attention as blue eyes fell upon her, one final labored breath exhaled before it steadied. Blonde hair still swept around her shoulders, her cape danced across her back, everything was quiet. Lena gently reached down and took the superhero’s free hand, still in a fist, her fingers coaxing it to release and the strong body against her to relax just a little. They both felt a spark pass between their skin at the contact, the memory lighting up in a tingle.

Lena’s eyes went to Supergirl’s, and then to her mouth and her lip, the wound from her mother still bleeding a little but healing. Tenderly, Lena reached up, letting the tip of her finger brush against that same lip, trying to soothe it while also inexplicably driven towards it like a moth to flame. Everything slowed down, everything was quiet, the earth stopped spinning, the snow stopped falling, time stood still yet again. Supergirl leaned down, letting her lips capture Lena’s in a kiss that was as soft as a summer cloud, wispy and full, the taste of relief and hunger and gentle rain all rolled into one and it took her breath away. When Supergirl pulled back, Lena’s eyes fluttered open and she gasped, blue eyes sparked and a small, oh so familiar, smile was now spreading across those same lips.

“Oh my god...it’s you.”

Lena’s voice was barely above a whisper as she looked up at the woman still holding her in the middle of her family’s vault of hate. All of a sudden, the most and least obvious truth of came spilling out between them and it was now plain as day, as simple as taking a breath, as warm as a million tiny suns rising in the pink-gold dawn. Everything clicked into place, everything made sense, the right door opened at the right time. With a bigger smile, the superhero leaned her forehead against Lena’s and nodded, quiet, relieved words falling softly in the space between them like pure white snow.

“Yes, it’s me...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/wbGIRJsFf-Q


	12. White Winter Hymnal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Dark-clad agents milled around taking notes, assembling items for photographing, or stringing C-2 detonators across one of Lex Luthor’s secret mountain vaults. The DEO was efficient in clean up operations and clandestine intelligence gathering, scouring the vault’s contents, cataloging technology, and dismantling and disarming in a coordinated effort. Agents carefully boxed up the _Virgula Divinia_ , now powered down from its lethal intent, now powerless in channeling the weight of water and air into a vortex of winter white and toxic green. The world started spinning again.

Director Henshaw kept an eye on the work, his hands on his hips, his face showing the grim hint of distress at missing Lillian Luthor’s escape. He had arrived inside just as Alex had shot Metallo, his focus shifting to assessing immediate danger inside the facility and with the Danvers sisters. He had a feeling that the worst was yet to come with Cadmus now that Lillian was gone into the night. With a sigh, he turned his agency’s attention on recovery of items of value and destroying the rest of this nest of menace. He glanced over at Supergirl and Agent Danvers, both standing off to the side. He knew they would all have to be ready, vigilant, on guard. No one was safe yet.

“So, how are you feeling?”

Alex spoke carefully, softly to her sister, her eyes scanning the face of someone she knew so well and yet had the ability to surprise her in a way like no other. Alex felt relief with a certain weightiness to it: Supergirl survived another attempt by Cadmus and yet. And yet the threat remained, would they be able to keep this win streak up against Lillian Luthor and that family’s single-minded hate against aliens in general, her sister in particular. And now came the complication of Lena Luthor, both an unexpected force for good against Cadmus (for now?) and a threat of a different kind for Kara. Alex Danvers was trying to practice the art of being cautiously supportive, cautiously optimistic, cautiously vigilant on behalf of her sister, the girl who fell from the stars into her life. It suited her well, but a persistent unease remained just the same.

Kara’s watchful eyes kept scanning the facility, watching movements and listening in on conversations among agents as they talked of the Luthors in ways that made her uncomfortable. With crossed arms, she couldn’t help but let her eyes fall on Lena Luthor every so often, the tired-looking CEO recounting the night to Detective Sawyer and another NCPD officer as they took notes and asked questions. She knew it was necessary to tie up loose ends and gather as much intel as possible, but Kara felt the pull towards the dark haired woman as if a magnet. She took a breath and looked back at her sister, her face still serious and slightly tense.

“I’m fine. No lasting effects of the Kryptonite.”

Alex sighed, trying again as she reached out and let her hand fall gently in the center of her sister’s chest, feeling warmth under the red letter S on her suit. _El mayarah_. She wanted to close the distance this day brought between them because she knew that when she and Kara were aligned, they could do anything.

“I meant here, Kara.”

The agent watched her sister relax just a little, her shoulders dropping slightly as their eyes found each other. Kara blew out a breath and ran her hand through her hair.

“I’m still working through this whole day, Alex, all of it. I can’t say I’m ready to talk about it all just yet.”

Alex looked down, her hand moving from her sister to her own forehead to rub against it before she shifted, catching her sister’s eyes again.

“Kara, I’m really sorry about what I said earlier, in the garage. It came out wrong and I know it hurt you which is something I never want to do.”

At that, Kara came closer, putting her hand on the agent’s arm, a small smile coming to her lips, though her eyes were still cloudy blue.

“Alex, I know. I know. You were worried about me, I get it. But I’m a big girl. If I can handle Lillian Luthor, I can handle my own sister.”

Alex’s shook her head, murmuring quietly.

“You shouldn’t have to handle your own sister. I’m on your side and I always will be. I’m sorry.”

Kara pulled her sister into a hug, wrapping her arms around her and closing her eyes. It was hard to explain how to feel so completely connected to someone like she did with Alex and some of her friends while also always feeling like no matter how much she tried to blend in, she would always be someone other, someone who didn’t quite fit on this earth. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, she was made of distant stars and her heart beat to a different gravity and pull. Kara Zor-El would always be an alien here and that meant she carried that otherness with her, just behind her closed eyes. But that also meant that she carried her family’s legacy inside too and she was stronger, was better, when she felt her heart connect her here on this plant. She smiled against Alex’s shoulder, before she spoke quietly, her eyes finding a set of green across the room. She took in a breath, the air on earth tasted electric when it came to Lena Luthor.

“I know you are, Alex. I know. We can talk more tomorrow, yes?”

They pulled back from each other, smiles mirroring the feeling of being anchored to each other, no matter what. Alex looked hopeful, letting a smile cross her lips, when she saw her sister’s attention on two approaching figures.

“I’d like that. So, Lena Luthor...”

Kara ducked her head a bit, trying to hide the smile just a little because she was not quite ready to let this feeling out for all to see. She glanced at Alex before she watched Detective Sawyer and Lena walking towards them.

“Yeah, that, um, that’s something we can talk about more too.”

Alex nodded before she turned to the two women joining their circle, her eyes catching Maggie’s before she turned to the CEO. The facts were clear: Lena Luthor disarmed a device her brother and mother built to destroy Kryptonians very specifically - Supergirl and Superman. It was clear that the dark haired woman, looking tired in front of her, was smart, was capable and quite possibly in love with her sister. That muddied the water all the same. Alex was grateful and still protective at the same time which was a hard place to be when you loved someone as much as she did Kara. How to be cautious and encouraging all at once? How to balance fear and trust? How to reconcile a name like Luthor with the softening sapphire of Kara’s eyes at the woman whose gaze lingered on the superhero before that same Luthor tucked it back out of reach. Alex Danvers understood, more than most, this feeling.

“We’re done here, Agent Danvers. I think they about to finish up and want us out of here soon, the demo prep is almost ready.”

Maggie Sawyer nodded as she spoke, looking among the three women, her eyes taking it all in as she took note of the range of emotions that each were or were not showing. It clearly had been a long, stressful night for all, given the statements Lena Luthor had provided to NCPD and Director Henshaw’s gruff fact-based acknowledgements. She and Alex would have a lot to talk about this weekend, to be sure. The DEO agent was looking at Lena, her voice quiet as she nodded.

“What you did for Supergirl was..it meant the world to me. I owe you.”

Lena took a deep breath, the wave of everything falling over her. There was so much of this night that she would have to deal with on so many levels. She was exhausted and trying to keep it all together, the damage her mother always inflicted required so many stitches, so many reset bones, so much repair and as much as she appreciated the concern coming from the two law enforcement women, her anchor at the moment was a set of soft blue eyes. She smiled carefully, pulling her coat further around her from the chill, from the winter that still edged around her.

“You don’t owe me, Agent Danvers, that’s not how this works. I did what was right.”

They held each other eyes before Alex nodded and smiled, both coming to an understanding for now. It would take time for both of them, building a history and trust and respect against the lingering backdrop of a last name and all it entailed would only come with time and careful, cautious steps.

“Please, call me Alex. And even so, thank you. This one here means a lot to us. And to National City.”

Alex’s eyes shifted to Supergirl, who had been quietly watching the exchange. They all turned to her as she shifted, a small smile gracing her lips. If you looked close enough, if you knew what to look for, you would see a shimmering gold just under the surface of the last daughter from Krypton. The only one tuned into that frequency was also quiet, her green eyes noticing and swallowing just a bit. To still her tingling hands, Supergirl put them on her hips before her eyes found Lena’s and then went to Alex and Maggie’s.

“If you’ll excuse us, I’d like to get Ms. Luthor out of here. It’s been a long night for everyone.”

Alex smiled at the formalities, going with it as Detective Sawyer pulled against the agent’s jacket. It was time for all of them to go and Maggie nodded, smiling as well.

“Yep, we all need some sleep and a long weekend. Be careful out there, Supergirl, Ms. Luthor.”

They all nodded before Supergirl took Lena’s elbow, gently leading her from the group. Maggie sided up against the agent, bumping her elbow into the taller woman’s side. Alex looked down at her, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she spoke.

“Yes, Detective Sawyer?”

The detective just shrugged, her face dimpled into a smile as her eyes playfully looked at Alex.

“Did I call that or what? _You_ owe _me_ , Danvers.”

Alex turned to face her, hands on hips as her eyebrow raised, smile still sliding across her face.

“Oh, I owe you, huh? No more of that vegan stuff. Got something specific in mind?”

Maggie’s eyes went from mirth to mischief to something else just as quickly, her voice lowering.

“I’ve got a lot of specifics in mind, Agent Danvers, trust me.”

The two women stood there, pondering that thought very carefully, until Director Henshaw cleared his throat as he approached. They looked at him as he stopped, crossing his arms to survey the scene around them and finalize last minute details before the DEO blew the entire facility from the side of the mountain. They all knew that this was just the latest salvo in Cadmus’ war and it wasn’t over yet. All eyes watched as their Super and a Luthor made their way out the bay doors before the martian spoke their shared thoughts.

“I have a feeling this isn’t the last time we’ll be wrong about Lena Luthor. One way or another.”

***

Outside, the night was dark and cloudless, finally. Snow still covered the ground, sparkling and clean against the moon’s shine. The clear, crisp air filled Kara’s lungs and she itched to be off the ground, looking down at a blanket of white across the mountains and further, to the streets of National City. From that perspective, she could breathe in fully and feel free to fly as fast as she wanted. Winter air felt less heavy and Kara Zor-El wanted to feel light and unweighted against a day and night that had been anything but. She couldn’t keep the smile off her face for just a moment, soaking in fresh air and letting go of the things she heard, the words that were said in that mountain hole carved by Lex Luthor and used by his mother for ill intent. Now, outside in the mountains, Kara wanted a taste of clean white snow to wash out the dark oil of Lillian Luthor’s words. She felt a squeeze against her arm, bringing her attention back to the shorter woman at her side with a little smile on her face. Lena spoke quietly, her words coming out with a puff of white into the cold air.

 

“So..what did you have in mind, Supergirl?”

Kara ducked her head a bit, trying to hide the shy smile that had formed at Lena’s words. She shifted, her cape dancing just a little in the wind, before she looked back at Lena. So much had happened, it felt like forever ago that they had stood together in the CEO’s L-Corp office and admitted that there was..something..between them. Kara had realized it earlier, when she felt that glow just under her ribs seep out and shimmer in response to the woman who stood before her now. When you are born from the dust of different stars, the way the cosmos speaks through you to another is always surprising. Kara had been waiting for that sign, that feeling since she had landed on earth, the folklore of Krypton actualized in a shimmer of gold for the right eyes to see. This was why she knew it wasn’t to be with all the others, with James, Mon-El, with anyone until now. We only shine when the cosmos gets it just right.

“I was, um, I was thinking that it might be quicker if I took you home..through the air?”

Kara glanced at the other woman, gauging her reaction. Of course, Lena Luthor could get a ride down the snowy mountain from a truck in the DEO or NCPD convoy, but she had a feeling that the dark haired woman wanted a little distance and space from those who were still on the hunt for a Luthor and still suspicious of her despite all.

“Oh yeah? Is this where you convince me that flying is your favorite thing?”

A blush crept along Kara’s face as she chuckled, her hands reaching out without thought to pull the collar of the grey coat up around Lena’s neck to ward off the night chill. She smiled down at the other woman.

“I was hoping you might give me a chance. Would that be alright?”

Lena looked at her, a smile dancing across her lips. It was a little jolting, to be looking at Supergirl and seeing Kara Danvers just under the surface. It still took her breath away just a little bit, that brilliant secret now shining true in blue eyes focused on her. Lena had to admit that this entire day, this night, this woman from another star had reached in and turned everything upside down, in a good way. This whole thing, what had been growing between them, the unspoken truth that had come out was undeniable and a little overwhelming. Lena was not someone who got easily overwhelmed, but she was still raw and a little shaky from what had happened and what still remained to happen. She knew that the Luthors never gave up, no matter the odds, and she had learned that she shared that same legacy, for better or for worse. So she nodded, her lips still in a smile, and let the other part of her heart that wasn’t constantly battling her DNA to lead her words.

“Yes, please. I trust you to take me where you want to be.”

Lena pointed up in the air and at that, Kara smiled, her body coming closer, the warmth of it a tangible thing that Lena could feel despite the winter around them. Kara reached out, carefully gathering her up into strong arms as Lena instinctively wrapped her arms around Supergirl’s neck until she was tucked tight against a super warm body. Kara easily balanced the weight and prepared for take off, shifting a bit before her mouth found Lena’s ear, a warm breath against it that made the CEO shiver, the cold having nothing to do with it.

“Hold on. I’ve got you.”

 

And like that whisper, Lena found herself softly lifted up into the night air, gently carried higher and higher. She kept her face tucked into Supergirl’s neck, for selfish reasons and for reasons related to heights and acceleration. It felt like being weightless and free, it felt nothing like any other flying she had done and she wasn’t prepared for how safe she felt and how thrilling it was to dip and glide through the air. She opened her eyes and turned her head, Supergirl’s arms holding her entire body securely against her own, the rushing wind echoing in her ears.

Lena could see white across the land as the mountains turned to farmlands just outside of the city laid out like sparkling little jewels. As they dipped gently through the lingering light gusts of a jet stream that had moved on from its winter whirl, she took a breath in as the skyline of National City appeared. She could see the streets strung in lines with streetlights blinking, could see large towers of dark with a few lights on at this hour, could even see L-Corp rising in the distance. From this vantage point, from this view above the world, everything felt quiet and new and clean in the winter blanket below.

She caught Supergirl looking at her, checking to make sure she was okay and so she smiled back and nodded, her eyes wide at the feeling. It felt like letting go without fear of hitting the ground and for once, just this once, Lena Luthor decided she wanted this feeling just for this moment instead of thinking about how this could all end. But her mother’s voice played at the edges of her mind. T _he sooner you realize it’s a mistake to trust her, Supergirl, the easier it will be to say goodbye_. Insidious, cutting words that made her heart beat faster like a race against time, a race against something else pulling at her. Kara’s arms held her closer at that moment, her voice brought Lena back, lips pressed softly against her ear to be heard over the rushing wind. Blonde hair covered her momentarily, and she closed her eyes against the softness and all it promised.

“I’ve still got you, Lena. You’re safe.”

And for a moment, Lena believed her, knew it was true. She kept herself buried in warm skin and blonde hair and the scent of fresh linen and clouds. She knew it would be too much to ask to stay this way forever but she’d take this feeling for as long as it lasted. Words tickled against her ear again, vibrating down through her body.

“Show me which one is yours.”

Supergirl pulled back and slowed down, waiting for Lena to blink open her eyes and take a breath, gaining her bearing again from the view above National City. She oriented first to L-Corp and then to a cluster of smaller buildings to the east, her own apartment building coming into sharp relief as she pointed and the superhero glided them gently through the maze, bringing them ever lower until she softly landed on the sidewalk in front, her boots sinking into the snow. Supergirl carried her through it up the steps and under the building’s awning, carefully setting her down but keeping hands on her until she was steady. Blue eyes searched her own.

“Okay?”

Lena took in a breath, nodding and shakily running a hand through her hair to get it out of her face. Was she okay? She was a lot of things right now to be honest. Solid ground felt harder than she remembered and she instantly missed the warmth she just had. Now she knew why flying was something the woman standing in front of her loved, why someone not of this earth would seek out a sanctuary from it, far above it all. It made sense for something to be both scary and thrilling at the same time and Lena was someone who was not immune to that pull. Here, after everything that had happened, Lena Luthor knew she wanted more of that shimmering gold hue she saw just at the edges of her periphery. She reached out, her hand finding Supergirl’s, letting the shimmer spark.

“Stay with me..Kara? Please?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/gml-nAJGRbY


	13. Stars All Seem To Weep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE212 'Luthors' : Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

A mountain. An ocean. This world. Certain structures. Certain elements. Certain feelings. Her name. All are heavy, all have weight. But not everything that feels heavy is a burden, all weights are not created equal, gravity can be a blessing. When consciousness arrived for Lena Luthor, it came in the form of a solid weight holding her down, covering her back, pressed up against her, and as warm as a bath. It came in the form of a body, half on her and half off, breathing in when she did, breathing out in rhythm. It came in the form of golden hair covering her face, a cape of red draped across her body, an arm tucking her close. It came with the feeling of being safe, of waking up to a new day without a startle, of being where she wanted to be.

For Lena, this was new - she slept restlessly most of the time, a product of history and vigilance and her name, and when she had shared her bed (with women, with a few men - most by choice, a few less so), she never slept well, never welcomed the heaviness of someone else. Lena didn’t like the feeling of being trapped, of having no escape, of being too close. This didn’t mean she was without feelings, without a history of caring and being cared for - she had forged that herself, outside of the Luthor family, in private ways. She was successful in her work life, by any measure, and that meant building relationships, partnerships, professional trust. Her private life was exactly that, private, and there was a depth of feelings few knew or she let see. Lena did her best to counter the weight of her history and the pull of dark Luthor gravity as best she could. She was always revolving around light and dark, two steps forward, one step back. She knew this about herself, knew what she was capable of on all accounts.

But now? Right now, she kept her eyes closed and savored this feeling, the feeling of having slept like a baby, deep and unburdened, and of being held, not as hostage, but as treasured. It felt like the London morning of her dreams, surprisingly warm and sunny. After the night they had all had, she welcomed every single atom of this feeling. And so, Lena took a few precious moments to remember how she got from point A to point B, how Supergirl ended up sharing her private world.

_“Stay with me..Kara? Please?”_

_She hadn’t meant to ask that, in that way, with that look on her face but she had just flown in the arms of the woman standing in front of her and she had just barely kept her mother’s evil intent against this superhero at bay and she had seen a shimmer in the eyes that looked at her now, blue and gold and soft. Lena was not used to asking for things that meant something to her, that gave her away. She led two lives most times, her work and what it took to get where she was. And her life in the morning when she first woke, to reclaim each day away from her name, to be who she wanted to be and not what others expected her to be. So, in front of her building after a long day and a long night and a close call and a free fall with Supergirl, she asked for what she wanted most._

_Kara looked at her and smiled, her hands again moving to Lena’s coat, making sure it kept the other woman warm. When she realized what she was doing, Kara pulled back, self-conscious in a way Lena was not used to seeing from her in that suit of blue. Kara’s eyes softened, and it wasn’t a debate and there was no hesitation, just a nod and that smile._

_“Of course. Let’s get you inside, you’re cold.”_

_Lena had let them into her apartment with her touch code after the superhero had scanned it and deemed it safe, neither wanting to talk about why it might not be. Lena slowly turned on low lights and watched Kara take in her surroundings, sleek and clean like her office but with more personal touches of the woman who shakily removed her coat. Flowers, of course, but also tasteful paintings, woven tapestries on the wall, photography, small tchotchkes from around the world - all much more colorful, much warmer, much softer than the stark white L-Corp office._

_Kara lifted her eyes to catch Lena’s, a small smile of wonder on the superhero’s face as she stood just in the apartment, trying to find something to do with her hands. Her fingers edged around her side and played at the fabric of her cape nervously. It was a little jarring to see Supergirl or really, Kara Danvers, in this context, in her home, her voice unmistakably soft._

_“I bet it feels good to be home after all that, doesn’t it?”_

_Lena ran a hand through her hair and rubbed her eyes, suddenly exhausted and spent. She leaned against the edge of the couch and smiled. This was her sanctuary, her place of refuge, some place of her very own where the rest of the world could not touch her, unless it was by invitation._

_“It does. Immensely. Thank you.”_

_Kara smiled and looked down, before her eyes found Lena’s again._

_“Of course, that’s what friends are for.”_

_Lena felt compelled, by exhaustion, by selfish desires, by the view she had had from high above National City of winter white, to correct that statement in some way or another. She walked over to where Kara was standing and took her hand, the one that had been worrying at her cape. That spark again and she caught Kara’s eyes, that soft shimmer glowing just under the surface of the superhero. She made sure her voice conveyed what she was feeling, that her words had the right depth, the right weight._

_“I’ve never had a friend like you, Kara. Never.”_

_Kara held her gaze, steady and sure, seemingly remembering herself and what all had transpired. The superhero moved closer and Lena could feel warmth radiating and the scent of distant stars and fresh linen before arms moved around her again in an embrace that brought her close, tucked in against skin. And Lena let herself be held in these arms again, truly and she returned it, taking in a deep breath and closing her eyes. Right now, nothing could hurt her, her mother couldn't get to her here, and Kara Danvers was safe, Supergirl was alive, and she never wanted this feeling to end. She felt herself swayed gently, Kara moving their bodies slowly side to side, lulling her as exhaustion kicked in. She pressed her face into Kara's neck and she didn't care that she wanted this more than she dared say out loud, lest it vanish or be taken away. The last thing she remembered as they moved was the softest voice against her hair, a warm breath, and a low hum._

_"Mmm, now you do, now you do."_

***

Kara stirred, rays of sun falling on her face in just the right way and it felt so good. Her powers had been drained and she had needed to recharge, needed a good sleep and a shot of gold to get her back to feeling like herself. She kept her eyes closed and smiled lazily. And then awareness kicked in. Kara quickly realized that she was not in her own bed and that what she held was not her extra pillows but was the warm, awake body of Lena Luthor shifting under her. Kara’s senses were all suddenly on fire, alive, all of them, and it felt like a wave of energy, a power surge, rolling over her, sparking.

“Oh..I’m sorry..I, um..”

An exhaled string of morning roughened words came out as Kara pulled back, away, despite her body wanting to keep clinging to Lena like a lifeline. She watched a dark eyebrow arch up and a green eye blink open, looking at her, a smile curving against the one side of Lena’s face that she could see. Another wave made her entire body tingle with potential.

“I’m not complaining, Kara. It’s okay.”

Kara reached up and gathered her hair, pushing it over her shoulder and out of both of their faces. She held herself up a bit on an elbow, making sure her weight wasn’t entirely on Lena Luthor as it had been for who knows how long in the night, now discretely untangling their legs. She tried to shake the sleep from her head, but it felt like a dream.

Kara wished she could say that she regretted how they ended up in this position, but that would be a lie. She had held Lena for as long as she dared when they got back safe, rocking her back and forth in her arms as they stood in the CEO’s living room, dim lights and the night and a bone tired feeling making everything hazy. When Lena dozed off against her body, she had carefully lifted her and carried her to the bedroom. She had debated waking and negotiating what it meant to stay, but in the end, she had chosen to simply lay the CEO in her own bed and had sat on the edge of the bed, alone in the dark, vigilant against any threats real or imagined.

  
Kara fought her own internal war in the darkest moments before dawn and in the end, succumbed to sleep but only under her own personal conditions which included making sure that her body would be between Lena Luthor and anything that might come at them. It didn’t help that once she had gently moved near, the CEO had instinctively curled towards her and what was she to do, really (really?). She had only allowed herself this if and only if she woke up first. Now, looking at Lena in her sleep rumpled hair, dark against the white winter pillows, Kara realized she would never win against this. So, she just smiled down at Lena instead.

“Hi.”

Lena turned over so she was fully facing the superhero and Kara felt it unfair that someone could look like that in the morning, dark and soft and honestly, breathtakingly beautiful. There were many reasons Kara found herself drawn to Lena Luthor, she could make a list if needed for one of Winn’s data models. But she wasn’t immune to beauty and a certain intangible constant on this earth and Lena struck all the right chords.

Kara wasn’t blind, but she also wasn’t unaware of all the other reasons that Lena Luthor affected her, definable and undefinable, thrumming through her Kryptonian body. The cosmos was large, it had weight, it had truths unknown and Kara had started mapping that out for herself. People born on this earth and Lena specifically had a certain sway and hum that she could not describe, could not articulate but it struck a note in the larger symphony that Kara had been writing since she landed here. All those maps, all those journals, all that stargazing had been in search of this feeling, of understanding the grand mystery of it all. She couldn’t help but glow, to shine, when she was with Lena and then there was her voice.

“Hi. You look like the most perfect, surprising sunrise right now, did you know that, Kara? All gold and warm...”

The superhero held her breath as Lena’s hand came to her face, fingers gently, tentatively brushing against her jaw, tracing her chin and up to her lip. She tried to keep still, despite the thrumming power just under the surface, urging her hands to action so she bit her bottom lip instead. Kara felt Lena inhale a breath and move under her, pressing into her as those green eyes darkened. The tip of Lena’s finger found the faintest shadow of a scar on Kara’s bottom lip from the night before, the repair and recovery on its way. Lena looked at her lip and then back into Kara’s eye before she hushed out words.

“I am so, so sorry for this, for what she did to you, what she’s done. What she will do.”

Kara closed her eyes and shook her head, a small smile on her lips before her eyes opened and found Lena’s. The memory of what had happened and what was said by Lillian Luthor came back to her. While she, as Supergirl, had endured physical pain, how did that measure against what Lillian had done to Lena over the years, the words and ways she had tried to break down the woman who looked at her now. She could see that it felt heavy, that the Luthor name was trying to break the spell between them and Kara was not going to have it. Not now. Not after she figured out the answer, had found the way, had realized how the cosmos was trying to tell her something.

“Don’t you dare take on what she did to me, that isn’t your fault, it’s not yours to carry, Lena. It’s not.”

Kara watched as movie frames of emotion played across Lena’s face, her normally cool reserve unmasked and disarmed in this late morning sun shine as they shared the same space. She had figured out how to read the woman looking back at her, watching for silent tells and the way Lena’s eyes told her more than her mouth would ever say. Her hands tingled for want of touch and Kara couldn’t help herself, her own fingers moving to thread through dark hair spilled across the pillow before moving up to trace a strong, dark eyebrow, the one she had grown immensely fond of over time. It made her own lips tingle as well, the wave of energy propelling. She could feel Lena’s hands moving into her hair, pulling her down, soft voice pleading between them.

“Could you please kiss me…”

And really, was there any other choice (really?) because her own gravity and that thrum moving through Kara’s body made the decision for her. Her lips found Lena’s and they were pillow soft, welcoming and full and Kara breathed into that kiss. It wasn’t like the night before, when she had kissed Lena in relief and in the heat of the moment. This kiss pulled at her something deep inside her, her hand moving to Lena’s face, to her hair as gentle as she could, and when Lena’s mouth opened to take in her bottom lip, she inhaled deeply, trying to corral the energy moving through her body. She chased Lena’s mouth as the kiss deepened, feeling soft, wet heat returned against her tongue and threatening to consume her. Lena’s hand was in her hair, the other against her shoulder, both pulling her down, wave after wave of touch setting off a sparking storm inside of her. The way Lena’s body moved under hers made every inch of skin tingle.

Kara pulled back, reluctantly and with great effort, her eyes still closed tight, the sheet next to Lena twisted in her fist. She took several deep breaths, shaking against the strain, against how the power surging in her Kryptonian body made it so much more difficult to control in these situations. Kara had learned the hard way that the shimmer and wave underneath her skin was both a blessing and a curse when her feelings and her body both wanted what they wanted. She opened her eyes only when she felt Lena’s fingertips touching against her face, softly, gently, over her cheeks and brows. Her voice came out more raw than she intended.

“I’m..I’m sorry, Lena..I don’t want to hurt you..”

Lena’s eyes held hers and didn’t look away as her touch continued to soothe against the superhero’s face, down her neck and back up. Lena was looking at her like she was reading a book, figuring out the plot, and connecting the dots. There was no judgment, just curiosity and something else underneath that made Kara close her eyes again for a different reason. That look in Lena’s eyes, that look, made the heat radiate out from a place just under her ribs to the tips of her fingers so she grabbed the sheets on either side of the CEO into fists, letting her head fall and taking in breaths. A curtain of blonde hair fell on either side of Lena’s face.

“Hey...hey...come back here, Kara..”

At Lena’s words, Kara opened her eyes again, dark green finding hers and holding them steady. Lena’s voice was gentle, her hands still connected to her and keeping her present, grounded like gravity.

“I’m right here...you’re not hurting me..”

For Kara, the struggle to control herself with Lena was real, was the downside of the power she possessed on earth. If she wasn’t careful, she could break a bone without trying, could bruise with a whisper light touch. It was much harder to control that shimmering wave when that feeling inside was a thin line between want and need. Like when she got angry, Kara was still trying to master the intensity of her feelings with the way her body reacted. It was also harder when she was Supergirl, or in the suit that gave her subconscious permission to unleash her powers. She exhaled again and looked at Lena, her words quiet.

“But I might if you keep looking at me like that..”

Lena nodded a bit and shifted her gaze a little, in the most subtle way, but Kara noticed and her hands relaxed a bit in the sheets. Lena let one hand stay on her cheek, fingers gently connected.

“Is that why I scare you?”

It was one of the reasons, the biggest one to be honest, but it was a heavy one. Kara shifted back a bit, pulling away as she breathed deeply, using a hand to get the hair out of their faces.

“I’m sorry...I just wasn’t expecting..this. And it’s harder for me when I’m..well, when I’m still feeling like Supergirl.”

Lena just kept looking at her softly, not moving and being very careful not to stir up the golden hints of sparks she could feel slipping out of her body here and there. That part was new, was unexpected and Kara was trying to hold on to the cosmos inside her, for now. The CEO’s voice was as gentle as a morning cloud.

“You are..you are so beautiful right now, Kara. The way you glow..”

And Kara could not help but smile at that because Lena’s own lips were curving into one, mirroring hers. She wanted to let this woman see all of her, all of what made her uniquely her, what made Kara Zor-El who she was. Part of that also meant that she wanted to feel more of that wave inside, the one that took her to the edge and scared her because she had never felt that way with anyone else. Lena Luthor did this to her and it was a mystery for the why and the how of it. Kara just knew that this was the right door to open, she would just have to step through it carefully even when her alien heart felt human and wanted to jump in more quickly. There would be time. She let her finger touch against Lena’s dark eyebrow and smiled a little wider.

“Only for you, it seems.”

Lena smiled and raised that same eyebrow, before Kara’s eyes softened, her voice shifting back into the familiar.

“Do you think that maybe we could see how Kara Danvers might handle Lena Luthor on an official date?”

She could feel Lena chuckle under her, nodding seriously with a smile on her face.

“Lena Luthor on a date is way more dangerous, Miss Danvers.”

Kara laughed as she sat up, shaking out her hair and getting her cape out of the way. She looked back down at the CEO laying in her bed, still darkly beautiful even in the late morning. The sun streaming in from the window and playing across her face was becoming on her. She was breathtaking, really, and Kara could see her point.

“I’ll have to take my chances, I guess, and keep a close eye on you.”

They smiled at each other, taking a moment to linger just a little bit too long before the moment was broken by a cell phone ring, the device tucked discreetly behind Kara’s back. She let her head drop and before looking back at Lena, who was smiling and shaking her head back and forth as she spoke.

“I swear Alex has the best and the worst timing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/-3RCG5N563s


	14. Great Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

From far above, unweighted and empty-armed and touching the edge of clear atmosphere just before space, National City and its surrounding looked like a tree, branches angling here and there, some straight, some curving. Kara flew as high as she dared, wanting to touch the lip of this world, to find the boundary between the stars and Earth. How far could she reach before it was too much, where was the line between who she was and what she wanted, when would she fall back to the ground? Kara closed her eyes and shot higher, burning off the sparks under her skin, breathing in thinning air to clear out her lungs, the same ones that had been full, full of Lena Luthor, not long before. From far above, National City melted away just like the snow below that was starting to drip from tree branches, running rivulets like rivers through the clearing streets. It all felt so far away right now, the distance increasing with her speed, thoughts of dark-hair, green eyes, and those lips spinning out of her head and into the ether. She flew higher still.

**

_It was with great reluctance and superhuman ability that Kara had pried herself from Lena Luthor’s apartment, from the woman who looked at her like she could rearrange the stars for Kara in ways that reminded her of what she wanted and what she had lost. After Alex had called, her tone unreadable and her request to see Kara vague, they had both risen from the bed, self-consciously moving past and around each other. The late morning sun brought reality with it and it felt like a spell had been broken, the outside world crashing in, spinning on._

_Lena had reassured her quietly that she would be fine, she’d bring in a security detail from L-Corp, she would handle it (it being the unspoken threat of her own mother). Kara had reluctantly nodded, not trusting herself to speak much as she let her ears scan the city, searching for that cold drip of venom from Lillian’s tongue on the air and finding nothing._

_Kara paced a bit as she assessed threats, real or imagined, and watched Lena move through her kitchen starting coffee. Her hair was still sleep-messy, her face now clean, her clothes changed into something soft and casual - jeans and a black sweater. Now, as Lena leaned against the kitchen counter, Kara felt her lips curve a bit at the stark, electric contrast between work Lena and home Lena. This did not make it any easier and she didn’t want to leave, not with Lillian Luthor on the loose, but she also knew she couldn’t stay, not when her hands tingled for want of flight or something else._

_They would need to talk of course, about Cadmus and Lillian, about Lena now knowing she was Supergirl, and about what was happening between them. That would have to wait until they were on neutral ground and Kara felt steady again, clear-headed, or as much as she could be both when it came to Lena Luthor. She watched as the other woman swept her unruly hair into a loose dark knot before the Lena’s eyes found hers._

_“When will I see you again, Kara?”_

_Lena’s voice was quiet, careful, reserved in the full light of the noon hour and with distance between them now from what had happened earlier. Kara crossed her arms across her chest to keep herself grounded, wanting to close the distance while also feeling her feet want to spring, to be free. She nodded, her eyes a little cloudy from wanting to let the woman know that nothing had changed except a complete shifting of the earth under Kara’s feet and the sound the cosmos was now making just under her ribs. How could she keep everything in place when everything was changing?_

_“Soon, I promise. Sooner if someone tries to hurt you.”_

_She had not wanted her voice to sound like that, like the sharp promise was to herself and not to Lena or that she’d literally move or destroy mountains if she needed to at the first sign of that someone trying to hurt Lena. Her eyes shifted down before she started to pace again, body thrumming with electricity, her hand running through her hair, Lena’s large apartment feeling warm and confining at the same time. She felt caged in a way she was not used to, feeling powerful and powerless at the same time and wanting to fight both feelings._

_The mix of those feelings combined with how her body was reacting was throwing her off balance, making her panic in a way few saw except for Alex. This feeling, of wanting something so much that the fear of losing it is almost as bad, this feeling, was hard. And it was harder than she expected, when she realized what it would mean to fall for someone like Lena Luthor and be Supergirl and be Kara Danvers and be Kara Zor-El, each feeling separate yet connected by the same blood now thrumming in her. This struggle caused sparks of a different kind, different color just under her skin. When she caught Lena’s gaze on her, it didn’t help that the dark haired woman watched her closely and there was that look again, soft green calling her, unbidden._

_Kara’s eyes darted to the windows, the sky, the sun, and back to Lena, fingers unconsciously curling into her palms before the other woman realized what was happening. She watched Lena close her eyes and adjust, her gaze shifting subtly from encouraging the spark to reassuring the glow. She slowly walked over to Kara and put her hand on her arm, gently stopping the motion of Kara’s relentless energy. Her voice was soft._

_“Hey...hey...it’s okay...you’re okay...I’m safe.”_

_Kara stopped and blew out a breath, her eyes finding Lena’s as she willed her body to cooperate. Simple words of comfort from Lena threatened her equilibrium, a hand on her arm calmed at the same time her heart raced, a look took her breath away. Lena Luthor was dangerous for the very fact that she could read Kara too well, affect her too much, now knew her weaknesses, her secret, and she could bring Kara hurtling back to earth and the hard ground. This was always the risk, wasn’t it, of being known, of being vulnerable, of being open to someone here on this earth, of trusting that one’s truth would not be used against one’s heart. If Lena Luthor ever betrayed her…_

_“I won’t..go anywhere, Kara. I’ll be here when you’re ready. Trust me.”_

_Lena let her hand slip down and take Kara’s, bringing it up to brush her lips gently against fingers. Kara wasn’t sure where the softness comes from in Lena, how her voice finds the right volume and timber, or how she knows what to say or do with her. This was what also scared her about this Luthor, if she was being honest with herself. Kara’s voice was quiet, trying not to give too much away, too much emotion, too much of what she really wanted to say. Her hands began to vibrate again, sparking under the surface like a wildfire in waiting._

_“I do trust you, Lena.”_

_Lena’s eyes held Kara and she nodded, her voice quiet as Lena’s hand let go of the superhero’s, helping make it easier for Kara._

_“I can tell you have to go. You need to go. It’s okay.”_

_Kara just nodded her head and didn’t trust her words anymore right now, there was too much to consider, too much vibration in the tips of her fingers urging her forward or out, whichever came first. She pulled herself from Lena’s gravity, striding towards the apartment balcony, her cape feeling like a magnet holding her back. She took one last look over her shoulder, Lena’s dark hair, dark sweater, absorbing the sunlight that streamed in through the windows. Kara took a deep breath and let go, released the lock, released herself into the air, the taste of flight too tempting to turn back now._

***

_Maggie Sawyer stretched, a smile spreading across her lips as she watched Alex Danvers slip out of bed in the mid-morning light, the taller woman throwing a loose shirt over her head on the way to the bathroom. There had been a tired fall into Alex’s bed after a long day and a long night, each barely able to keep their eyes open. Maggie had curled up against the side of Alex’s warm body and pressed her mouth into a warmer neck, leaving it there as sleep took them away. Consciousness had come for Maggie by way of a soft body half on her back and half off, stirring against her as the sun started streaming into the windows. Alex’s arm held her tight and her face was burrowed deep into the back of Maggie’s neck. Gentle lips against her nape woke her further and Alex’s wandering hand at her hip pushed at fabric in search of skin made it clear what Alex wanted. Everything was slow, everything was gentle. This was how their morning started, their first true morning together, and Maggie made sure Alex enjoyed Saturdays as much as she did._

_On the nightstand, a phone buzzed, catching Maggie’s attention momentarily while Alex came back towards the bed with a smile and a look on her face that said she wasn’t quite done with the detective just yet, not by a long shot. Alex crawled back in, her hands already beginning to wander yet again. Maggie leaned over, just out of reach of Alex and picked up the phone, holding it up and raising her eyebrows mischievously._

_“Do you want me to tell J’onn that you’re occupied? That Agent Danvers has her hands full at the moment?”_

_Alex smiled at her, letting her mouth fall on Maggie’s bare shoulder and biting a little before she grabbed the phone. Her voice dipped into Maggie’s ear before Alex’s eyes danced at her._

_“You’re funny. You should do stand up at the next FOP dance.”_

_Maggie smiled back and closed her eyes, pulling the taller detective on top of her as Alex pressed the phone to her ear, trying to sound semi-professional and semi-failing as Maggie’s hands wandered down over curves, pulling hips into her._

_“Danvers.”_

_Maggie’s lips found Alex’s pulse point on her neck and her tongue flicked out, smiling when Alex sucked in a breath as Maggie’s legs moved apart to accommodate Alex’s hips better._

_“No sir, now is a good time, but um, can you hang on one minute please?”_

_Alex fumbled to press mute before she pulled up a bit, catching Maggie’s eyes with her own, giving her a semi-stern look._

_“Maggie, this man can read my mind, do you really want him knowing what I’m thinking about doing to you right now? Behave.”_

_Maggie chuckled, stilling her body and hands as she looked up at Alex, smiling._

_“Mmmm, I love when you give me orders, Agent Danvers.”_

_Alex narrowed her eyes, a sultry smile coming to her lips as she pressed a finger against Maggie’s lips._

_“Hush, you.”_

_Maggie just cocked her head to the side and nipped at that same finger before Alex gave her a look, reluctantly rolling over and off Maggie while she still had the willpower to do so. She clicked the phone back on, slapping a wayward hand on her thigh away._

_“Sorry, Sir. Maggie needed me..for something..to do, for me to do something. So, what’s up?”_

_Maggie’s eyebrows raised high as she pressed a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. She rolled onto her side, gathering up the sheets and watching Alex listen to the DEO director’s deep voice,, the agent’s face suddenly becoming serious._

_“Are you sure? How?”_

_Maggie watched as Alex’s hand went to her head, covering her eyes as she listened. Alex nodded a few times and Maggie could tell it was serious and that it clearly had her attention. Alex Danvers got this certain look on her face, this tone in her voice that Maggie recognized as associated with a certain family member._

_“Fuck. Do you want me to tell her, J’onn?”_

_Alex let her eyes find Maggie before her attention went back to the phone and Maggied moved closer, watching the concern fall over Alex’s face. With a final nod, Alex switched off the call and sat up slowly. Maggie’s brows knit together as she looked over at Alex._

_“Alex, what is it?”_

_The agent took a breath and blew it out, shaking her head a bit before she looked at Maggie and then down at the phone, hardness coming into her voice._

_“It’s Lillian. She has the alien registry. Cadmus now has a list of every alien, where they live, where they work, what car they drive, their family members’ names, everything, all their vital information.”_

_Maggie sat up, her hand going to Alex’s shoulder as she wrapped the sheets around herself. She looked as Alex’s eyes fell to her phone, her jaw and mouth clenching as her fingers scrolled through her contacts. Maggie was quiet before she spoke._

_“How?”_

_Alex found the right number and looked back at Maggie, her head shaking._

_“J’onn doesn’t know exactly how right now, but Winn thinks someone managed to get a scrub-bug or earworm device on the DEO’s mainframe. They’re still assessing what else was compromised. I need to call Kara.”_

_Maggie nodded, her eyes concerned as well. She pulled the sheets over her shoulders to ward off the chill._

_“Of course. Does J’onn think this was an inside job?”_

_Alex looked at her, her eyes guarded. She didn’t want to go down that road again, they had already had that doubt, about traitors in their midst, once before with the White Martian. No, her thoughts turned to who had the kind of sophisticated technology to pull data off from their DEO firewalled server, the one also secured by a top-secret scripting application Winn developed. Her thoughts turned, of course, in one direction and the most obvious in her mind._

_“He didn’t say, but I have a hunch.”_

_Maggie could see a small fire behind Alex’s brown eyes and she laid a hand on Alex’s to keep her from making any sudden movements. She knew what Alex was thinking._

_“Alex, now we don’t know..”_

_The agent turned her body, facing Maggie and waving her hand a bit as she spoke, the anger rising._

_“Maggie, stop. You’ve taken her side from the start.”_

_Maggie shook her head, letting her voice soften in spite of Alex’s fire._

_“This isn’t about sides..”_

_“It is, Maggie. It is about sides and I will always choose Kara’s side and my family over a Luthor any damn day. Why is it so hard for you to see that Lena Luthor is helping Cadmus?”_

_“Because we don’t know that, Alex. We don’t know. It could be someone else entirely.”_

_Alex shook her head back and forth, putting up her palm to stop Maggie from continuing. She sighed before Alex spoke, her voice still hard._

_“I know enough and I am not going to let my sister or Supergirl go on “believing” in Lena Luthor. She may have staged this whole thing as one big distraction for the DEO to get in somehow and plan something bigger, some endgame we don’t know yet. I can’t take that risk, Maggie, I won’t.”_

_Maggie let her eyes soften, knowing that once Alex had her mind made up, it was sometimes impossible to change it. Alex was stubborn, protective, and loyal. Family meant the world to her and Maggie was learning that broken trust and betrayal of any sort affected the Danvers sisters in equal but separate ways. Was it possible that the fear of Lena Luthor betraying Kara, Supergirl drove Alex, and maybe Kara too, to view everything in that light regardless of what the truth might be?_

_“She’s with her right now, you know.”_

_Maggie didn’t have to say what they both knew was true, what was obvious from the night before when they had left together. Supergirl wasn’t about to leave Lena out of her sight with Lillian on the loose and Lena had looked like she needed nothing but the superhero next to her after all had been said and done. Alex looked at her, her voice quieter, resigned._

_“Yes. And Lena Luthor knows my sister is Supergirl.”_

**

A long black car pulled into the parking garage just past noon, the darkness in the structure contrasting with the bright sun outside that had sent the melting snow outside ablaze in sparkled whiteness. Tires crunched through greying slush and then over grayer concrete, leaving a wet track as it neared the elevator and stopped. Black boots hit the ground and stopped as a hand reached back into the back seat for a black bag. A code panel next to the elevator was activated, long fingers in black gloved hands punching in a random-generated set of numbers. The air was crisp and tasted cold, the last bit of winter hanging on just before turning towards thaw. The elevator door opened and closed, and the ascent began, quietly climbing higher and higher upwards until it reached the very top, the last possible stop in the sky. A ding signaled release, an opened door, another path.

“Ms. Luthor...Lena. It’s nice to see you again. HR sent me as your security detail.”

Unwinding a soft wool scarf of black and white and red, Lena was greeted on the penthouse floor of her office at L-Corp on a deserted Saturday afternoon by another figure clad in black. She stopped as the elevator doors closed behind her and pulled off her aviators. Her face betrayed nothing.

“Jeremiah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/_kphZAp6RZ0


	15. No Light No Light

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

The _Tiergarten Schönbrunn_ was once a victorian menagerie where those confined to iron cages were admired by aristocratic guests and the well-heeled, the inhabitants prized for exotic plumage and dangerous teeth. Gardens and walkways surrounded colorful structures and stone walls, animals kept at a safe distance from picnics on broad lawns. When she was ten, Lena Luthor accompanied her father on a business trip to Vienna and begged to see the famous zoo, to walk along the same stone paths she had seen in old picture books from the Luthor library, She had delighted in the bright yellow pavilion and the stone fountains with lilies, the clovered grass. But what had caught her attention, what made her stand unmoving, eyes wide, was a solitary black spotted jaguar in an enclosure that was altogether too small to contain that kind of power.

Lena had watched the animal pace back and forth, smoothly turning its head from side to side, golden eyes looking for an escape, for freedom. It tugged something deep inside her, confinement and lack of choice and the need to be free, and the young girl had gasped when the animals eyes found her. While other zoo patrons milled around behind her, when they commented upon silly things, taunted words in german, Lena stood transfixed and quiet. She only blinked when the jaguar’s mouth opened and sharp teeth were bared in a growl. Even when caged, this sleek animal showed its prowess in other ways, fought with a reminder of the teeth that would come with freedom. She remembered that thought now, the feeling that sunk inside her then as a reminder that not all fights were won quickly, that the promise of a bite could do the job as well.

“What do you want, Jeremiah?”

Lena’s tone was even as she walked into her office, Jeremiah Danvers following behind. She hung up her coat, leaving her in the jeans, sweater, and soft wool scarf from earlier in the day when she had left her building, when a superhero had taken flight out of her apartment. She gathered her thoughts as she turned her back and moved towards her desk to sit, going about her business as if this visit was of no consequence. The daylight outside was brilliant, the sky as blue as a memory from this morning.

“I need something from you, Lena.”

Lena pulled out her tablet and notepad, setting up her work area before her eyes found the man that she knew to be Kara Danver’s adopted father, Alex’s father. The way their families had been intertwined further complicated this. Her voice knowingly dropped, someone always wanted something from her.

“Of course you do.”

The dark haired man pulled something out of his pocket and set it on Lena’s white desk, the small device making a metallic click as it hit the surface. Jeremiah looked at her, his voice hard.

“I have a proposition for you, Lena, one I think you won’t want to refuse. Your mother sends her regards, by the way.”

Lena didn’t react, her green eyes holding steady. When she didn’t make any further acknowledgements, Jeremiah continued, pointing at the small device.

“This represents the opportunity to compromise, Lena. You see, if I had left this up to your mother, she would have blown up all of National City, aliens and humans alike, as one final act. I can re-direct that energy, so to speak, and the information on this earworm gives us all a little something that we want.”

Lena let her eyes fall on the black device, before she looked up.

“Go on.”

Jeremiah tapped his finger on it as he spoke.

“This is the National Alien Registry from the DEO. I have it now and I’m going to give it to your mother. In exchange for helping Cadmus round up and forcibly deport all the aliens in National City and beyond off this planet, the humans will be spared. And I get to keep one alien here on earth. I’m sure you can guess which one I want.”

Lena looked at Jeremiah’s face, his face, his jaw set hard. She tried to decipher what else was in play now before she nodded and spoke.

“Supergirl.”

“Yes, and that’s where you come in, Lena. You have a part to play in this and a compromise to make, too.”

Lena willed her breath to come in evenly, to keep her eyes unreadable and steady.

“So what exactly are we talking about?”

“I know L-Corp has developed an open source code to mask data port signatures and promote the free access of all data and information across gov and private platforms. Yes, I’ve read about your libertarian attitudes towards open data for the greater good in classifed L-Corp documents. How very philanthropic of you, Lena.”

Lena raised a dark eyebrow but did not comment before Jeremiah continued.  
“I need you to override a new DEO corecode language locking access to anything transferred to private industry port signature profiles. That’s all.”

Lena looked at him and folded her hands in front of her, leaning in and letting her eyes hold Jeremiah’s. She knew this wasn’t all, it never was and never would be. She smiled, not letting it reach her eyes and making sure her teeth showed. She spoke in a low tone across the desk.

“I’m curious, Jeremiah. Let’s say I do this for you. What makes you think Mother will hold up her end of the deal? Do you really think she intends to spare Supergirl? My mother is very good at negotiating, at persuading people to do what she wants. We are both well aware of that.”

Jeremiah nodded, his dark eyes casting a shadow before he answered.

“Yes we are. But she won’t have a choice and I have a plan.”

Lena Luthor sat back in her chair and crossed her arms, slowly shaking her head side to side.

“If you have a plan to save Supergirl already, why do you need me?”

Jeremiah leaned forward, his hand touching the device before he looked at Lena and spoke.

“This is where we come to your compromise, Lena. If you don’t decrypt the alien registry, I am going to turn over this “L-Corp prototype” to the DEO and explain that Lena Luthor has been part of a larger plot by Cadmus to kill Supergirl, but lucky me, I escaped and am here to help save the day against Lena and Lillian’s plans. Do you really think the DEO, its agents, Supergirl are going to believe a Luthor over me?”

Lena kept her eyes forward, holding tight to her arms to keep her hands from giving her away.

“And if I do help you?”

“You help me, and Supergirl...Kara..will never know we had this conversation. I save the day and your involvement is never known. But..”

Lena tried to stay still, her eyes like a jaguar, dangerously scanning her surroundings for a way out before Jeremiah continued. Once again, her mother had used things that were said, had used her feelings against her.

“But in exchange for that, you, Lena Luthor, will stay far far away from Kara Danvers, you’ll forget you ever knew her, you’ll stay the hell away from my daughter. Or I’ll tell her how you’ve been helping your dear mother all along to get at Supergirl, to get at her sister and the DEO, to get at me. All that Luthor technology that Lilian’s been using on me, turning me into this.”

Jeremiah stood, pulling back the synthetic skin over his enhanced arm and then pointing to his head.

“You are responsible for this. You Luthors are cut from the same cloth, Lillian told me that. Renaming this place L-Corp and pretending to be something you are not isn’t going to change that fact. Even if Kara and the others found out the truth about you, no one would change their mind. You don’t get second chances, Lena. You have until tomorrow morning make your choice.”

Jeremiah started to walk away before turned and looked back at her, a small, sad smile on his face.

“And Lena? No one is going to believe you if you try to tell them that you are doing the wrong thing for the right reason, that you’re doing something for someone you love. Trust me.”

Lena watched Jeremiah Danver’s back go as he walked out of her L-Corp office, the door closing with a click. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding and let her eyes fall on the earworm device, sitting silently like a bomb before she picked it up and looked at it in the palm of her hand before setting it back down. She shakily pushed a few unruly dark strands of hair from her face, quietly turning her chair towards the windows behind her and standing. She let her eyes scan the sky for a way out as she paced down the length of windows, her head turning over every piece and move like the chess strategies she learned as a child. With a deep inhale, Lena searched the sky far above the city for the right shade of bright, bright blue.

***

Kara’s feet hit the ground running, the slight impact shaking the concrete behind her building. It took her no time to race up to her apartment before anyone saw anything but a barely perceptible blur of blue and red. She had changed into her softest shirt and sweater, dark pants contrasting against the camel colored cardigan. A knock at the door came as she swept her hair up into a knot, twisted, loose and casual. With a clearer head from earlier, the thinned atmosphere, the bright sun, and her speed peeled back layers, washed over her until she felt steady and solid. If nothing else, the time Kara spent in the air burned off all of those sparks under her surface and helped her breath again. She couldn’t help but smile as she saw Alex standing behind the door.

“You look..different.”

Alex spoke as she took off her coat and carefully looked at her while Kara turned to make tea. Her voice was not exactly the playful tone she had come to expect from her sister so she turned her head and smiled.

“I’ve been flying. I had to get some, um, stuff out of my system, after everything. So what’s up? You said you wanted to talk.”

Alex nodded carefully, eyes taking her in as Kara turned back to reach for a few cups, the tea, honey for herself, a lemon for Alex. They stood together at the kitchen island, leaning against it as the warm drinks steeped and they prepared their cups. Alex ran a hand through her hair before she pointed to her left.

“Kara, can we sit down?”

Kara’s brows came together as Alex led the way to her couch in the living room, carefully sitting to face each other. She reached out and put a hand on Alex’s arm.

“Alex, what is it?”

Alex nodded slowly, her eyes steady on Kara’s face, voice quiet.

“I’m afraid that Cadmus stole the National Alien Registry from the DEO.”

Kara’s mouth opened to say something, but shut again, her eyes serious. Alex kept speaking as the tea steamed in their hands.

“We’re trying to figure out what their next move is so we can stop it.”

Kara nodded as her mind raced at the thought of the harm that could be done with that registry in the hands of Cadmus. Those listed could be in immediate danger for systematic elimination, whole families at risk. It never stopped with Lillian Luthor, did it. This game of cat and mouse with the DEO and Supergirl, of alien hatred and bigotry against all citizens of earth, of the damage a Luthor could do unless stopped for good. She knew it was going to come to that at some point, there would be a resolution to this one day. One day, Lillian Luthor or Supergirl would win this battle and one of them would likely end up dead. At that thought, her mind also shifted to a soft image of dark hair, dark brow, green eyes, that look.

“Ok. I think we need to see if Lena can find a few crumbs at L-Corp that might lead us in a direction. She could maybe keep digging through the company audits and financials she started on for anything suspicious.”

Alex shook her head slowly, her face betraying nothing of what was under the surface.

“Kara, we’re not going to tell Lena Luthor anything about this.”

Kara’s brows came together again as she set her mug aside and cocked her head at her sister.

“Why wouldn’t we talk to Lena about this? She might find something that leads us to Lillian.”

“We are not going to discuss Cadmus or Supergirl with Lena Luthor, at all, per DEO directive. Understood?”

That last word and the tone of voice made Kara stop and narrow her eyes.

“Alex, what are you trying to say? Aliens are in danger and Lena might be able to help. I don’t understand.”

“What I am saying, Kara, is that Lena knows you are Supergirl and we have never faced an enemy more dangerous in Cadmus. So we owe it to ourselves to look at every angle. Even if it makes us uncomfortable.”

Kara searched Alex’s face as she spoke, her voice confused.

“What does that even mean, Alex?”

Alex leaned towards her, her eyes firing a bit.

“It means that I don’t trust Cadmus and I don’t trust Lena Luthor. I see clearly now and I will do what I have to to protect us, now that she knows about you.”

Kara blew out a breath and sat back, her arms crossing as she stared at Alex. She gathered herself before she spoke, words coming out and sharpening.

“So that’s what this is about, isn’t it. You disapprove of me and Lena and you can’t stand that I would share one of the most important things about myself with her. That I would take her side on this and not yours in keeping secrets. You have never trusted her, even after everything she has done. She saved my life.. again.. last night, Alex. What is it going to take? Huh?”

Kara stood and fumed, her eyes narrowing at Alex as she continued.

“I want this one thing, this one thing just for me, just for me and not anyone else in this city. This isn’t about not trusting Lena, it’s about you not trusting me. You refuse to entertain the possibility that Lena Luthor is worth believing in because you are so afraid she might hurt me that you won’t even let me make my own choices or take care of myself.”

Alex stood and came closer, trying to keep her voice steady.

“And you refuse to believe that it is even remotely possible that Lena Luthor might actually be out to hurt you and that your feelings for her are going to put you at risk. Kara, I have chosen sides in this and it’s yours.”

Kara shook her head, letting her arms fall in frustration as her words were quiet and pleading.

“Then act like it. Believe in me.”

Alex softened her eyes and let her hand fall on Kara’s shoulder, shaking her head slightly.

“We think Lena helped steal the alien registry from the DEO, Kara. She’s using you. Trust me, please.”

Kara just looked at her, her eyes slowly blinking at wetness that had started to form from their words. She hugged herself and looked at her sister, unsteady yet again. She didn’t know what to believe anymore and it was starting to take its toll, the whiplash of emotions feeling like jet streams pushing her down and a north wind freezing her sideways. Alex caught her eyes and spoke softly, her hand going to Kara’s face and brushing away a tear.

“Kara. We are family and I love you. I will always believe in you and in us.”

***

Kara sat against the window of her apartment, her breath fogging the glass before it cleared and repeated as she looked out, as the light started to fade in National City. She wrapped the soft blue blanket around her shoulders tighter. She agreed, before Alex left that she’d stay put tonight and they’d go to J’onn tomorrow and work through a plan, together. She tried not to feel like her own apartment was too small, to confined for her thoughts. Kara watched as golden lights began to glow in windows across town, Saturday dinner traffic starting down below, people’s murmured conversations in the background. She put her head in her hand and closed her eyes, letting memories of thin air in her lungs wash over her. She inhaled a breath that tasted electric just before her ears picked up a ding on her phone.

With a sigh, Kara reached over to the window seat pillow and brought the device up so she could see. A notification on her screen stopped her heart momentarily.

**_*****************************************************_ **  
**_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: lena@lcorp.com_ **

**_*****************************************************_ **

Kara’s fingertip hovered over the notification, a pinprick of something dancing on her skin as she pressed to bring the email forward, scrolling as she read.

_To: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com)_  
_From: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)_  
_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:_

_Kara, I was just thinking about you. The sunset came too early tonight, didn’t it? I wonder what it would look like from far above National City, how the earth bends on that kind of horizon and the sun dips down. Wouldn’t that be something to see?_

_When I was a child, my father (yes, Lionel, but ‘Daddy’ to me before that term just would not do in our household) took me to the zoo in Vienna and I fell in love with darkness itself. She was a gorgeous black spotted jaguar and I could not take my eyes off of her. I could tell that she wanted nothing more than to escape from her enclosure, her eyes were a haunted shade of gold, if there is such a thing. I was still a child, of course, but I thought, would anyone blame me if I unlocked the gate and freed her? I spent who knows how long trying to figure out how to let this magnificent animal go and not feeling an ounce of regret if she were to bite the first person she saw when she was free, even if that was me. I thought of her tonight for the first time in a long time. I’m not sure why I’m telling you this, Kara, but I thought you might understand._

_I am also writing to let you know that I am going on a trip tomorrow morning, to the other side of the world. I have some business to attend to and I did not want you worrying about me. I am not sure how long I’ll be gone, things have become complicated and I need to find a resolution one way or another._

_...sorry, this is a long shot and I don’t know know why I am asking and maybe I will delete this before I hit send, but if you get this email, if you get this now, if you are not busy, if you want, can I come see you before I leave? I want to see Kara Danvers where she’s most at home, where she’s free…_

_-LL_

**

Kara took a breath, her pulse racing at the words and at her thoughts. Her head told her one thing and it sounded a lot like Alex, like J’onn, like everyone speaking in her ear. But her heart, her tender superhero heart, the one Kara Danvers and Supergirl and Kara Zor-El all shared, told her something else. This push and pull made her think of who she would bite first, if she were that caged jaguar with golden dreams of freedom. Her fingers sparked.

She hit reply.

_To: Lena Luthor (lena@l-corp.com)_  
_From: Kara Danvers (thatdanversgirl@gmail.com)_  
_Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:_

_yes, please - K_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/dUqnaJN5x-A


	16. Tempest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

By the time winter ends, no one is sad to see it go, no one misses the cold, the snow, and the deep, deep ache for the promises of all things green and living. It’s like a distant memory, like it never happened. Yet spring is a fragile, unpredictable thing, prone to indecision, delicate pink beauty on the trees, damp gray chills, yellow buttercups, and violent, violent winds. But that space between winter and spring, that time spent anxiously waiting for one thing to end and another to begin brings with it its own form of ambivalence, of hopes in limbo, of being at the mercy of this earth. Perhaps it was better to be at the mercy of mother nature, though, than of other people and Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers both felt the suffocating press of choices forced upon them by others. Tides turn, oceans rise and fall, seasons change.

_As Lena made her way down the hallway to Kara’s apartment, she longed with a winter’s ache for something she knew she might never have, not now. The web of lies and truths spun between her and Jeremiah Danvers and ultimately, tied back to her mother, threatened to choke and suffocate Lena as sure as wildfire through winter-dried tinder. There were no good choices based on the board she was playing. What were her options if Jeremiah was telling the truth about some or all of what he said? What if he were lying about everything? There were two choices laid in front of her earlier: Help Cadmus, lose Kara or Defy Cadmus, lose Kara. Her thoughts were tangled in knots, each path, each move leading to losing Kara Danvers one way or another. It was that conclusion, that threat of an imminent checkmate, that drove Lena forward as her hand lifted to knock on a closed door._

_Kara sat quietly at her window, her arms hugged around her knees as her head turned over everything she knew to be true and where doubt lurked like the freeze point between rain and ice, never quite knowing if the road ahead was black ice. If what Alex was saying was true and Lena was helping Cadmus, then she had no other choice but to stop her. And if Lena was helping Cadmus, then what that meant for her, for them, was just as sharply painful to consider, if not moreso. But if what Alex had said wasn’t true, if Lena wasn’t involved with Cadmus and the alien registry, then what did that mean for her relationship with Alex? They had already found this sore spot, rubbed raw and bandaged over a few times. Would this drive a further wedge between them when she could ill-afford for any break in their connection. The Cadmus threat was real, lives were at stake, and Kara needed two people in her life to be solid, to be trusted: Alex and Lena Luthor. Kara closed her eyes in this state of no win options and took a breath, the air becoming electric with a faint knock at the door._

Sometimes, in that fragile, timeless space between winter and spring, the best laid plans give way to tilt of the earth spinning on and on.

***

Kara paused, her hand on the lock and exhaled before she opened the door. Lena Luthor stood quietly, soft red and white patterned wool scarf tucked under chin, hands in the pockets of her black coat, green eyes on her. She was all dark hair and crimson lips in the low light of the hallway, waiting, an unreadable look on her face. Kara couldn’t help but take in a breath, her senses already firing at the sight of the woman standing in front of her, her hands holding steady to the door as she let a small smile cross her lips. She couldn’t help it really, the cloudy thoughts from moments before were chased away by the pull of Lena Luthor. Kara’s voice was quiet, afraid to hear the sound of her own undoing.

“Hi...”

Lena dipped her head down before looking back up, her lips turning upwards in wonder as she tried to take in how soft Kara looked, how different, hair loosely up, golden strands dancing down along her neck. It took her by surprise to see Kara without her glasses, without the trappings of a hero’s garb - an acknowledgement of who Kara really was in her own element and at ease. She felt like she was looking at another side of Kara that few saw and it took her breath away. That didn’t make any of this easier, it didn’t strengthen her resolve, it didn’t solidify her decision, and if anything, Kara looking like she did right now tossed every plan she had made to the wind.

“Kara...I..”

Lena didn’t mean to say her name like that, not like the woman reaching out to take her arm and pull her gently into the apartment was the only thing keeping her from giving in or giving up. She was tired, of her family and the choices she was forced to make because of them. She was tired of always having to fight to stay one step ahead and never knowing if she would succumb to being someone or something she never wanted to be. Lena was tired of being caught between her name and her heart.

It did not help that Kara reached out for her arm, gently guiding her into her apartment as she shut the door behind her. It didn’t help that she turned her full attention on her as Kara’s hands reached up without thought to the collar of Lena’s coat. Kara’s eyes softened into a shade of blue she hadn’t seen before and that did it. Lena had come here tonight to say goodbye, had steeled herself for that, had a half-thought out plan of what she wanted to say to the woman standing in front of her now. Why was Kara a golden glow when all Lena felt was the pull of the dark, dark night?

“Please don’t look at me that way. You’re not making this easier.”

Kara listened to Lena’s whispered words, edged and shaky, and let her eyes fall on Lena’s mouth and back to her eyes, seeing a shine at the edges of dark green. She could tell Lena was struggling, that there was something pushing and pulling her under the surface. The last thing Kara was going to do was let go of Lena, not to make it harder, but to make it clear she wasn’t afraid anymore. Come what may. Kara was tired of fighting between what she felt just under her ribs and the unknown, she was tired of having to choose between the truth of the moment and the possibility of a darker future. Alex said she saw things clearly, but so did she.

Looking at Lena right now, a war in those eyes, Kara’s thoughts turned to that caged jaguar of Lena’s memory and her lips parted. She would take Lena’s first bite, if it meant she could free Lena from the weight the other woman carrying right now. Her head slowly shook back and forth, eyes never leaving Lena’s as her hands stayed buried in wool.

“I’m not going anywhere, Lena. I’m right here.”

Sometimes, all it takes is a little tenderness to break the lock. Lena’s hands reached up and took Kara’s wrists, pushing her back up against the door and coming in close, her eyes flashing at the momentary surprise on Kara’s face. Lena wanted someone to take all this away from her, to force her hand, to end a struggle that took her further away from what she truly wanted. Her mother told her time and time again that she follow in their footsteps, that she would always been seen through the lens of her family history. Lena felt trapped, again, by no good choices and the threat of losing her only true way out. It would be easier to let herself sink into being who everything thought she was anyway. Untrustworthy...guilty...evil. But Kara’s eyes held her with a gentleness that felt crushing, Kara looked at her like she wasn’t a Luthor, like Kara believed in the possibility of her, no matter what. She craved that look in a way that made her want break things because it was too much, too open, too good. Lena’s voice cracked a little, eyes shining.

“Why do you believe in me, Kara...”

Kara didn’t struggle, she didn’t need too and they both knew. This was about letting Lena go, of holding her safe not through force, but by being tender enough to absorb her urge to fight or to take flight. Kara knew this well so she let Lena push her weight into her body and keep her wrists trapped against the door until she could hear Lena’s heart stop racing. She never broke eye contact and softened further, letting the glow under her skin warm between them. There was really only one answer to Lena’s question and it was a thread that connected Kara Danvers to Supergirl to Kara Zor-El. She turned her head slightly, watching Lena’s eyes search hers as she whispered.

“Because you need me to, Lena. Because I do.”

Lena closed her eyes and her head dipped down, loosening her grip on Kara’s wrists until she felt Kara’s hands slip down a little, fingers lacing into hers against the door as heat spread. All she thought about was not where she would sink her teeth, but what it would mean to be free. Her choices took her further away from that possibility. _Help Cadmus, lose Kara. Defy Cadmus, lose Kara._ When Lena looked back up, Kara still regarded her gently, stayed still but connected where all the parts of their bodies touched. Lena shook her head, her voice a little hoarse. She needed to say this even if she could not promise it wouldn’t happen.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Kara. I...”

Kara leaned in when Lena’s eyes closed again unable to say more, when she felt hands trembling in hers, when she saw the wetness that had threatened to spill from green eyes slowly, slowly fall. She carefully let herself get close, pressing her cheek first against that warm trail to soak it up, before she burrowed under wool and against Lena’s neck. She let soft words tumble into dark hair just behind an ear, knowing that what she said was true even if Lena proved her wrong.

“I know you don’t, I know you don’t.”

Lena let her head fall against Kara’s shoulder and took a shuddering breath, before she felt herself turned slowly, her back now against the door. Kara’s weight pressed into her, grounding, as Kara’s hands released hers to find their way to Lena’s face. Lena opened her eyes and Kara’s soft features framed by blonde tendrils were still there, blue never fading, that golden glow slowly covering her skin. And then Kara leaned down, her lips finding Lena’s, gentle at first, a promise. Everything about it made Lena feel like she could fly.

Sometimes all it takes is a little tenderness to break down another wall and the way Kara’s soft lips felt against her own brought back the urge to break. She let her hands wander to Kara’s neck, strands of blonde hair and warm skin before her nails scratched lightly. She wanted more, she wanted to consume, so she pressed forward and opened her mouth, pulling Kara’s full bottom lip in. She heard Kara inhale shakily at the contact between them and let her own body press back. The kiss deepened, turned hungry, and Lena couldn’t help but respond, leading and then chasing and then leading again. She couldn’t quite get enough of Kara’s taste on her tongue, sweet and warm like spring.

Kara felt herself falling again, the air underneath her feeling weightless and thin so she grounded herself by leaning further into Lena’s body. Her hands tingled as they held Lena’s face and when Kara heard a small sound coming from the back of Lena’s throat as they kissed, she shuddered, her hands suddenly set free. She pulled at the buttons of Lena’s coat, popping them off with fingers too strong as she pushed it off shoulders, their lips never breaking contact. Her mouth wanted access to the warmth of Lena’s neck so she slowed her hand, shaking at the strain to gently pull against a wool scarf until it came undone and fell to the floor with the coat. Lena’s hands went to her hair and Kara felt herself pulled into the space between where shoulder met the curve of Lena’s neck, inhaling deeply and getting lost in the smell of jasmine and the night.

“Kara..”

Lena gave her access to her neck, her eyes tightly closed against lips along her pulse point, against the way Kara went from soft to insistent, from gentle to a little rougher. She couldn’t help but gasp when she felt just the slightest edge of Kara’s teeth followed closely by her tongue and then warm breath in her ear. If she was going to be forced to choose between losing this woman forever and having this moment, Lena Luthor was torn. It didn’t help when she felt Kara’s hands on her waist, curving down the back of her jeans before lifting her up a bit and pressing her into the door. She could easily stay here, suspended in time, weightless and unbound, she could fall into Kara, she could easily fall, she could easily fall.

Suspended in that space, that space between winter and spring, between saying yes or saying no, heavier air fell. _Help Cadmus, lose Kara. Defy Cadmus, lose Kara_. Lena’s heart began to race, not from the closeness between their bodies, but from the possible distance ahead. She let her arms wrap around Kara and pull her closer, wanting everything to disappear. Lena felt Kara’s lips against her ear, the weight of her body, and murmured words trying to crowd out the swirl.

“You’re okay..I’m here...I’ve got you..Lena..”

Kara pressed into Lena’s body, breathing her in as her hands kept tingling, her face buried into the other woman’s neck. She felt a shift in the body against her, felt the spark still strong in her own and wrestled with the push and pull herself. Kara wanted to forget and it was really easy to do that when jasmine filled her senses, when Lena’s dark hair felt like a forest she could disappear in. Kara wanted this one thing she had for herself, this one thing that was her own, this place where the real world could not intrude. She could feel her own body shake from holding back and for the want of letting go. Kara heard Lena’s whispered words at the edge of that space in between.

“I’ve got you too, Kara..I’m not going anywhere...”

At that moment, the answer came, not like strike of lightening but like a gentle, warm rain. It covered Lena in its simplicity, each drop washing away doubt. Lena knew what she needed to do. But not everyone would come out of this unharmed and without a burden to bear. Compromises always meant that a pain came with a gain. Lena took a breath, not wanting to let go of this moment between them, but this could not wait. The truth never could.

“Kara, I’m sorry, but I need to tell you something.”

***

They sat quietly on Kara’s couch, the lights low as the darkness of the night continued to fall outside the window. Kara’s legs were curled under her at one end, a pillow in her lap and her fingers fiddling with the tag. She hadn’t looked at Lena in what felt like hours, her brows together in thought. She still retained a softness about her, despite everything, and it tore at Lena to watch Kara close her eyes before taking a deep breath and pushing hair from her face. The space between them felt artificial, felt like a loss, given that Lena could still taste Kara’s lips on hers from before. When Kara’s eyes found Lena’s again, her head fell into her hand as her elbow found the back of the couch. Her words were quiet.

“So you’ve known where my father was this whole time.”

Lena let her head turn to the side a little, determined to answer any question Kara had with the truth and nothing but as she waited for the other woman to absorb it all.

“Not exactly, Kara. I didn’t know for a fact that he was your father until today. I met Jeremiah only briefly years ago when I was younger and I assumed he was one of Lex’s employees. My mother told me that Jeremiah likely helped Supergirl escape from a Cadmus black site..”

Lena caught herself talking about this as if it were someone else and nodded before she continued.

“That your father helped you escape after my mother drained your powers for the Medusa virus and came after the L-Corp isotope. I suspected Supergirl meant something to him to defy my mother. He confirmed that.”

_Lena stood at her window, looking out into the night sky just after Supergirl had left, after they had fought about her mother’s true intent. That was the night she confirmed what she suspected when Lillian Luthor had come back into her life again on that Thanksgiving day._

_“You’re in charge of Cadmus.”_

_Her mother didn’t blink, standing in her office with a hand casually in her coat. Her voice dripped in that tone she had come to hate._

_“Is this the part where you lecture me, like you’d lecture Lex?”_

_She turned and at that moment, resolved to play her mother’s game, sliding into a performance that was convincing._

_“No. What you said before, there was truth in that.”_

_Lena watched as Lillian carefully studied her, always trying to read her daughter’s mind and motives. She held her mother’s gaze and stood her ground. Lena had gotten better at this game, practice had made her stronger at hiding the truth from Lillian. And now that Supergirl, someone she had just come to know, someone who had looked at her like she did earlier in the day when she fought the Cyborg in the L-Corp lobby, that look Supergirl had given her, it changed the game for Lena then and possibly, forever._

_“Ask me for my help and I’ll give it to you.”_

_Lillian’s brow raised and her voice was slightly dubious._

_“It’s that easy?”_

_Lena raised her own brows back and let her voice drop as she opened up the box that contained what her mother wanted. She gave away nothing about the fact that she had already switched the isotope and she would see this performance out until the end._

_“It’s that easy.”_

_Lillian’s eyes lit up unbelieving, her full focus on the isotope before she looked back at Lena._

_“I didn’t think you believed in the cause.”_

_Lena shook her head with a little smile on her face, letting her brow raise. She knew that this was only the start with her mother, that there would be more to come, that she would be forced into hard choices, that the Luthors played to win or die trying, whichever came first._

_“Then maybe it’s time you got to know your daughter a little better.”_

_Lena then walked across her office to the bar and pulled out a bottle of Chateau Margaux, a 2009 Balthazar and began to uncork it, turning back to smile at her mother. She watched Lillian glance at the bottle and much like the isotope, her eyes lit up._

_“Maybe this wine will be more to your liking, Mother. I think it’s time we talked, caught up after all this time. Tell me how I can help Cadmus.”_

***

Kara nodded and stayed quiet, her eyes closing just a little at the memory and shock of seeing her father in that warehouse, of begging him to come with her. It broke her heart when she had to tell Alex, the look of desperate hope in her sister’s eyes. This brought it all back up to the surface again and what it all now meant. It also brought back the last conversation she had with Alex, about the registry. The fact was that it had been taken from the DEO, by whom was another matter. Alex believed it to be Lena, Lena claimed it was Jeremiah. She could not imagine Alex ever believing it would be Jeremiah and she herself was torn by the bombshell Lena had dropped and once again, found herself in that space between. Her words were pained, but careful.

“So, if what you’ve told me is true, what are our options?”

Lena tried not to flinch at the _if_ as she watched Kara, the emotions moving across her soft features in a way she wished she could change. She kept a bit of space between them, sitting near the other end of the couch, her body turned towards Kara, one leg under her. She had told Kara everything about her conversation with Jeremiah, what was said, the plans Cadmus had, the choices on the table, the ultimatum she was given. On the endtable next to them sat the little black metal earworm containing the registry, its dull sinister shine out of place among Kara’s things, out of place in her home.

It had not been easy, this conversation, but the only way she was going to take away the power Jeremiah and Lillian were holding over her was to tell Kara everything. If she was going to lose Kara because of this, it would not be because she was someone who failed to be true, who failed to be the person worthy of Kara Danver’s belief in her. Now, whether Kara believed what she had told her now, that was another story and one she could only leave up to the woman who looked at her with impossible blue eyes, her brows still crinkled from the push and pull of this.

“Kara, he was bluffing. The device he gave me to decode, the one sitting there, doesn’t contain the alien registry. I think he already gave it to my mother.”

Kara’s eyes went wide, confused. She pushed the pillow off her lap and leaned it.

“So you decoded it?”

Lena nodded, her eyes steady.

“Yes. And the files were nothing more than payroll and purchasing logs from some steel factory. I also scanned the port signatures and there’s no evidence of government server activity. This wasn’t used at the DEO.”

Kara just shook her head, bewildered. She pushed the hair out of her face and stood, trying to figure out what this meant. How did the pieces fit together?

“But why would he do that to you, Lena? Knowing you’d find out that it wasn't the registry. I’m not..following.”

Lena looked up at her as Kara crossed her arms and felt cloudy. This space between truth and the unknown was starting to get jumbled, there were too many threads to follow and dots to connect. She went back to what she knew to be true: The actual alien registry was taken from the DEO. Either Lena took it or Jeremiah took it or someone else all together took it. She reached down and picked up the useless earworm and turned it over in her hand. Was this thing part of the ruse by Jeremiah or by Lena? Who was telling the truth? What was everyone’s motive? When was Cadmus really going to strike and how? She watched Lena’s eyes fall down to the hands in her lap before the other woman spoke, looking back up at Kara.

“Sometimes people do the wrong thing for the right reasons. I think my mother has something Jeremiah wants and helping her is the only way to get it. He made a deal with me for the same thing.”

Lena stood and carefully let her fingers touch against Kara’s sweatered arm. After everything, she needed to make sure that wasn’t about to throw her out of her apartment or her life. They needed each other, now more than ever and she let her eyes find Kara’s and she let her words quietly fall between them.

“He just didn’t count on me telling you the truth.”

Kara couldn’t help herself and her eyes softened. She could see that Lena needed her to believe in this truth and so much of her did. So much. And yet why was there that little bit of doubt still there. Was it because she didn’t trust Lena Luthor completely or that she didn’t trust Jeremiah? If she went to Alex and the DEO, to J’onn with this conversation, what would that do to them, especially if Lena was right and Jeremiah was involved somehow? If Jeremiah was helping Cadmus, why? She let her arms drop to her sides, wishing for an open window to fly far out into the night in search of a jasmine memory.

“What does my father want?”

Lena took a breath, noticing the little cues of Kara’s distress manifesting just under the surface. She hated this, but she completely understood what Jeremiah wanted and could not blame him. This was why she almost booked that flight to Dubai for the next morning. She had already put Supergirl and Kara Danvers in danger and they barely escaped. As long as Lillian was alive, Kara would always be in danger, more now that Lillian knew there was..something..between them, something personal, something special. It seemed the easiest thing to do, to fly away across the world so she could not be used as a weapon or a pawn in Lillian Luthor’s game.

But she had just told Kara, when they were closer, when their bodies were touching, that she wasn’t going anywhere and that was the only truth she could hold on to right now. She would figure out a way to help stop Jeremiah and Lillian, even if it cost her, even if she could see the flicker of doubt, that little waver in Kara’s eyes that felt like a deep paper cut to her heart.

“It's simple, Kara. He wants you and Alex to be safe. From my mother. From me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/Kyy1vdOrsOs


	17. All That We Perceive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

Sunday mornings always come too early, not quite the finale to the weekend but instead that sinking feeling that it didn’t last long enough. The perfect Sunday was either dark and cozy and rainy or a bright sunny start, anything worked really. Sleeping in. Newspaper in bed. Coffee. Dozing back asleep. Being woken back up by a warm hand wandering. Finally getting out of bed when hunger, for food, made it impossible to ignore. Sundays meant one more full day of no plans, no meetings, no work ahead and it was pretty much Maggie Sawyer’s favorite day of the week, after Friday nights and all of Saturdays. Loving your job meant not feeling bad about cheating on it by loving weekends more.

It also meant that any interruptions to that routine, to savoring Sunday mornings, especially now that she and Alex had established a few new favorite things for that time of the day, made Maggie cranky. Emails on Sundays made her grumble. Phone calls on Sunday made her growl. And work-related texts that buzzed at inopportune times made Maggie want to throw her phone across the room. Luckily, she was a professional and luckily, the woman smirking next to her, naked and sated, understood when duty called. Maggie rolled over and fumbled with her phone, her brows coming together a bit as she looked at it.

_Sorry to bother, Detective Sawyer, but you said I could get in touch if I needed something. Can you meet me at the Pour Oevre in a hour? It’s urgent that I speak to you. Alone._

The perfectly composed text matched the voice she knew from several previous encounters with a certain dark haired CEO. So Lena Luthor was reaching out to her on a Sunday morning after a whirlwind of a weekend, after another new threat from Cadmus had emerged, and after Alex Danvers had told her sister in no uncertain terms that Lena was a prime suspect in the agent’s eyes. Despite what her girlfriend thought, Maggie had a bit of a soft spot for the underdog in most cases. While she was sure very few had ever considered Lena Luthor an underdog often or ever, she knew that this woman faced an uphill battle. Plus, Maggie was a true believer in innocence until proven guilty and honestly, she wasn’t blind. She saw how Lena looked at Kara Danvers and at Supergirl and how Kara looked back at her, she knew that look. Maggie wanted to believe and Sundays were good days for believing in things.

***

The coffee shop was unusually empty at 930 in the morning, that lull between the early birds, the weekly coffee klatch crowds, and the students who parked it the rest of the day. Maggie let her eyes scan the room as she stood in line until she spotted her in the far corner, tucked in a quiet nook away from others. As she waited for her latte, she watched Lena Luthor from afar, trying to gather as much information as she could. She couldn’t help it, really, she was an observer, she watched people, noticed her surroundings. It’s what made Maggie a good detective. Alex complained that it made her too good at poker the one time they played for real money. Maggie smiled at that easy $50.

Lena was dressed in casual black slacks and a plum sweater, her hair knotted behind her head in a loose bun. She was scanning her tablet, dark reading glasses on her face, legs crossed, and every so often, she reached for her cup to take a sip. Alone and at a distance, Maggie could see Lena’s body was relaxed and at ease, though occasionally her brows would come together as she scrolled down the screen or picked up a paper from the table. A neat stack of files were next to her, a pen and pad at the ready for notes. As if she could feel Maggie’s eyes on her, she looked up at the same time Maggie noticed a slight shake in Lena’s hand as she brought the cup to her lips. With a nod of her head and a small upturn at the corners of her mouth, Lena Luthor greeted the detective from afar. Maggie got her drink and ambled over.

“Good morning, Detective Sawyer.”

Maggie smiled as she sat down in the chair next to Lena, setting her coffee down and shrugging off her leather jacket.

“I’m just Maggie on Sunday mornings, Ms. Luthor.”

Lena’s lips smiled a bit and nodded back, her hands folding in her lap.

“And I’m just Lena, please. Thank you for agreeing to meet. If this could have waited, I would not have disturbed you on your time off, especially after...all that happened.”

Maggie watched the other woman carefully, noting that her eyes fell a little to her hands as her words hesitated in trying to describe the last 36 hours. Lena inhaled a breath before she looked up, a tight smile on her face. Maggie sipped her coffee, savoring its creaminess and the warmth of the cup in her hands as she spoke.

“Well, I assumed it was important, you don’t quite strike me as the casual weekend texting type.”

She watched as Lena relaxed when she saw that Maggie was smiling, joking even, with the woman she arrested during that time and who had been busted out of jail less than an hour later by a man high on Kryptonite and the woman who had subsequently saved Supergirl with the help of her very own girlfriend, Alex. So, you know, she could understand if Lena Luthor’s smile came shakily after all that. And of course, Maggie was curious about how much of Lena’s look away with a different smile on her face was because of other weekend time spent with a certain Kara Danvers.

“Yes, well, never let it be said that we Luthors ever do anything casually.”

Maggie couldn’t help but chuckle at that, relieved when Lena’s smile was accompanied by a head nod and some eyebrow action that sort of looked like a wink. Poor Kara, she might actually be the underdog in this situation with this woman. That conversation could wait since there was likely a very good reason Lena invited her here this morning that had nothing to do with anything casual. Maggie set her coffee on the table, glancing at the files on the table, spreadsheets and financials and logs, before she sat back in her chair.

“So what can I help you with, Lena?”

Lena sighed and glanced around them, making sure their conversation was private. Maggie could see she was gathering her thoughts, a bit of tension coming back to the edges of her eyes. She pulled her chair a little closer to Maggie’s and put the tablet between them, plugging in an earbud. Maggie’s eyes glanced down at the black and white video feed, her eyebrows raised back at Lena right away.

“I think it’s better if you watched this first. And trust me, I fully recognize the irony. As you likely know by now, my mother isn’t done with this. Unfortunately.”

Maggie didn’t give anything away, not yet, about knowing that Cadmus had the alien registry from the DEO. She’d let Lena do the talking, or showing, as it may be. Also, she had already found out the hard way that a Luthor video feed wasn’t always what is seemed to be. Trust, but verify was one of the few things Maggie felt the 40th president of the US got right. She put in the ear bud and pressed play.

Maggie watched a full-length movie play out across the small screen, starring Lena Luthor and a dark figure that transformed into Alex Danver’s long-lost father, the one she had seen in pictures at each of the sisters’ houses, the one fondly recalled, the one whose absence haunted Alex’s eyes in a way Maggie could never soothe. As she listened, her hand went to her head, taking in the verbal game of chess and following each move between the two. She watched Lena’s body language, the slight shake to her hand when the ultimatum came down and saw Lena quickly hide it from the man across the desk. When the video ended with a long scene of Lena pacing back and forth in front of her office windows, it hit Maggie. This wasn’t an elaborate act for the camera by either of the two, it was too raw and too real. Regardless of who might be lying about what during that conversation, Maggie realized there was one truth coming out of this. Her words were low as she looked at Lena.

“This is going to going to kill Alex. Does Kara know? Has she seen this?”

Lena took in a deep breath and nodded her head, her eyes holding Maggie’s steady, a deep pain edging along green as she spoke.

“I told her. Last night. Everything. But I..can’t show her this. She still, deep down, wants to believe in Jeremiah and I can’t blame her. Supergi...Kara..once told me she understood what it was like to be disillusioned by our parents. She and I share that, Maggie.”

Lena paused, her eyes looking up a little before coming back to meet the detective’s.

“I don’t know anything about Kara’s biological parents, but being adopted can complicate those feelings. Sometimes it turns out well, other times...not. When the people we count on to be good, to be what every child should have, turn out to to be something quite the opposite, it’s shattering.”

Maggie softened her eyes and nodded as Lena looked at her, letting a small part of herself show through green eyes.

“But, Maggie, there’s always a small part of us, that child we used to be, who keeps holding out hope that every bad thing we know to be true about our families will turn out to be a lie. We still want to believe. Kara wants to believe. I am sure Alex would too.”

Maggie closed her eyes and shook it, rubbing her hands over closed lids. What this meant was that Jeremiah was going to show up in the Danvers sisters’ lives after being gone for decades. It meant that Alex was going to be over the moon and so so happy to see him. That haunted look of loss Alex held would be gone, filled with relief and a sense of completeness that the return of a missing piece of your heart could only bring.

It would also mean something very different for Kara, knowing that what she just saw on video might be true, that Jeremiah might be double-crossing them all in the service of Cadmus. It also meant that Lena Luthor would forever be suspect, in Alex’s eyes, and maybe in Kara’s too, because of exactly what she just said. Alex and Kara would want to believe in Jeremiah and it would be easy to find someone else to blame. Lena must understand this, that she may bear the burden of Jeremiah’s betrayal if it came to pass. Or Lena was hiding something. There was only one way to tell. Maggie blinked her eyes open and decided to gamble.

“Do you love her, Lena? Do you love Kara?”

She watched Lena’s mouth open to say something before it closed again, perhaps an instinctive denial, catching the woman off guard. Lena took a deep breath before taking off her glasses to look back at Maggie, steady, but with a softening around the edges.

“I wish I could say no, Maggie. That would make things so much easier. Kara wouldn’t have a target on her back from my mother, from Cadmus, because of me. I almost took Jeremiah up on his offer. Not to help Cadmus, but to stay as far away from her as possible, to protect her.”

Maggie leaned forward at the measured, logical response from Lena, her forearms resting on her knees before she looked back at the dark haired woman.

“Perhaps you underestimate Kara. I’ve learned never to do that with the Danvers sisters. But do you think it’s fair for you alone to decide whether Kara deserves a chance to be loved or to love someone in return?”

Lena’s brows came together, shaking her head as she spoke, her voice rising just a little.

“Maggie, as long as she’s involved with a Luthor, she’s in danger. How is that fair?”

Maggie shook her head back and forth, a soft smile coming to her face. When feelings take over from your head, it’s hard to keep from showing your cards, it’s hard to keep the tells from coming out in subtle ways, the words chosen, the tone of voice, the way a body reacts.

“Lena, do you love her?”

Exasperated, Lena blew out a breath. The normally composed woman’s hands shook as she leaned towards Maggie.

“Yes! That’s the problem.”

“Here’s the deal, Lena. Kara is one of a kind, she’s in a class all her own with a heart bigger than this planet can hold. She deserves to be happy after everything she has lost, after everything she has sacrificed. Is she happy when she’s with you? Does she look at you like you make her whole world light up?”

Maggie regarded Lena, watching as the dark haired woman tried not to show the emotions that were flashing across her face. It was too late, Maggie saw what she needed to see so she spoke softly.

“Lena, I don’t care what your last name is. Kara deserves to know love and so do you. It’s that simple.”

Lena’s eyes held hers as her features softened, her voice dropping to a whisper.

“What if she gets hurt because of me, because of who I am?”

Maggie smiled, reaching over to put her hand on Lena’s arm and holding green eyes that looked scared.

“But what if she doesn’t? What if Kara gets to feel loved and you do too? What if you both get a chance to be happy together? You have a say in what happens here, your name isn’t your destiny, Lena. I believe that.”

Lena took a shaky breath, looking like she wanted to believe what Maggie said was true. She wondered if Lena had ever felt unburdened by what she carried, if she had ever thought of herself not as a Luthor, but as a woman who had a chance to feel free, to just love someone like Kara Danvers without fear of what may come. Maggie knew Lena was smart, clearly, that she could handle herself in all kinds of situations, she had proved that. But when it came to Kara, Maggie could tell that there was an internal struggle between what she wanted and what she thought she could have. She watched as Lena nodded to herself before she looked back at Maggie, trying to collect herself.

“Ok.”

Maggie smiled, knowing that she had gotten through but that Lena would be processing everything that she had said another time. She watched as the dark haired woman pointed to the tablet on the table between them to get them back to the matter at hand. Cadmus. Jeremiah. The alien registry. Lena’s voice was now back to business.

“What do we need to do to help Kara and Alex with what’s coming next?”

Maggie cocked her head to the side, her face going back to worry as she nodded.

“That’s a tough one. Until Jeremiah shows his face, we’re kind of between a rock and a hard place. We know Cadmus has the alien registry so something is coming, we just don’t know when or where.”

At that, Lena’s brows came together as she reached for one of the folders, pulling out a log sheet as she put her glasses back on.

“I’ve been doing some digging into old Luthor Corporation financials trying to untangle it all and make sure that there aren’t hidden assets or avenues for my mother to exploit. When Lex was in charge, he liked having lots of options, lots of outs to any plan he made. Clearly, my mother found one of them in that mountain.”

Maggie reached for her coffee as her eyes looked over the papers Lena held. That mountain was still fresh in her mind and likely still a sore spot for Lena given that she almost lost Supergirl to her mother again.

“Jeremiah talked about Cadmus’ plan to forcibly deport aliens. If he were telling the truth, how would something like that work?”

Lena’s hand went to her chin in thought, her eyes pondering that very fact.

“My mother likes to dream big so we’re not talking about Uber-ing a bunch of aliens to another city. It would have to be something on a grand scale to get them off the planet. And she’d have to have help with that kind of technology and the resources to do it. It would be hard to hide all of that. I haven’t come up with anything specific yet, no trail of crumbs to follow, but I feel like I’m getting close.”

Maggie nodded, glancing at her phone and seeing a few texts before she looked back at Lena.

“So, how did you leave things with Kara?”

At the name, Maggie watched a small smile come to Lena’s lips unbidden. She took in a deep breath before she responded, her hand unconsciously going to her neck.

“We both decided to call Jeremiah’s bluff. I told her I was prepared to handle the repercussions of his threat to implicate me. The device he gave me didn’t contain the registry so how Cadmus got it is still a mystery. But Kara was torn about telling Alex everything and worried about what my mother will do and how she can save everyone. She’s got a lot on her shoulders, Maggie. I need to figure out my mother’s next move so I can help her.”

Maggie nodded as she crossed her legs at the ankles, stretching a bit before she spoke.

“Ok, so I think we hold tight until we know more. I hate not telling Alex about Jeremiah, but I can’t tell if he’s the same man she thinks he is or if Cadmus has changed him completely. We need more evidence one way or another about his true intent so Alex isn’t hurt needlessly. I just need to be prepared to support Alex no matter how this turns out.”

Lena nodded, her eyes catching Maggie’s as she reached out to touch the detective’s arm.

“We’ll be there for both of them when the time comes. I know you care very much about Alex, I can see that.”

Maggie smiled fondly.

“Yes, we will. And here’s a tip, it’s very hard to hide one’s feelings about either of those two women.”

Maggie watched Lena smile at that and duck her head a bit, still cautious about opening up too much. Lena Luthor may be many things to many people, but Maggie knew when someone was bluffing, knew when someone was trying to hide something. But Lena couldn’t hide her feelings for Kara Danvers very well, try as she might, because it was written on the softening of her eyes, the release of a held breath, the smile that reached her eyes, all of the tiny micro-cues put off by someone who was clearly in love. Maggie was a good detective because she watched and listened well, was open to all possibilities, spotted patterns just under the surface, and put pieces together that others overlooked. She smiled back at Lena, before jerking her thumb towards the door.

“I need to get out of here before Alex sends a search party. We’ve got some Sunday afternoon plans that involve trying to forget Monday is tomorrow.”

Lena raised an eyebrow as she smiled back.

“I’d hate to keep you any longer when a Danvers awaits.”

“Exactly, you got it. Please keep me in the loop if you find anything on your end, Lena. You have my number.”

Lena stood when Maggie did, holding out her hand to shake before they left. Maggie’s eyebrows scrunched up at the gesture and instead, she went in for a full hug, smiling when Lena stiffly accepted it before relaxing a little. Lena gave her a smile, as if in wonder, when she pulled away to leave. She heard Lena call out.

“Maggie?”

The shorter woman turned around, zipping up her coat as she looked at Lena Luthor, the softened edges of her face framed by dark hair was becoming on her. Yes, Kara Danvers would have her hands full with this one. Lena’s voice was quiet, lacking pretense.

“Thank you. For...believing…”

Maggie smiled, her eyes finding those of a woman who likely had few in her life that she trusted for good reason, that thought she was worth believing in, that saw her for who she was and not who she could turn out to be. The thing about Sunday mornings was that it was a new day all the same, and maybe sometimes it felt like a beginning rather than an end. Sundays were all about believing in second changes and the benefit of the doubt and in underdogs. What if that Sunday feeling lasted all week until everything felt like the best day to be alive? What if? Maggie turned and waved as she left Lena Luthor to believe in the possibility of making a girl who fell from the stars happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/ZKfEzadyrO0


	18. Rollercoasters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

History has never been kind to those on the wrong side of it, or so the saying goes. But what did that mean really? What was the wrong side and why? History remembered evil and good equally, it recorded acts of injustice and of compassion with the same pen. The right side of history could only be defined far into the future and by an imperfect measure at best - one’s appetite for overlooking injustice or one’s drive to fight against it in ways large and small, recognized or unrecorded. Kara Zor-El was learning enough on Earth to know that people were too unpredictable when it came to doing what was right and her own compass was uncomfortably swayed on occasion by the past, her own history clouding her thoughts.

_The grass was so green and the trees were odd, but what Kara remembered most about the house she grew up in on earth was the smell of the ocean, its salty breath, the way its waves sounded out the rhythm of the earth. It was supposed to be a place where she was safe after a long journey, after waking up alone and without her family. It was jarring, to go from saying goodbye to her parents, to waking up on a completely different planet, to walking across a lawn and into the home of the Danvers, without a clear direction for the future and a distant but painful memory of the past. Who would she become on Earth, how could she fit in?_

_The moment she remembers most, the moment she decided to write the story of her own history felt like nothing she would ever be able to describe in words. She felt the water on her face as she fell further and further under, weighted down by tonnage and steel, as if drowning and she remained under, now weightlessly floating. And something inside of her, a spark just under her ribs, told her to rise, to rise and become. She breathed in oxygen, heavy and lung-filling, throwing her arm up and over, pulling herself up and out, until she stood, triumphant in the dark night and then lit up for all to see on the wing of a plane. She could be special, she could be a force for good in her own right._

_“What if people figure out who you are,_ what _you are?”_

_Her history included this painful reminder from Alex, scared out of her mind after the plane crash. Her history included hiding who she was, hiding how she was special, hiding the most important thing about her on this planet. Her history included the incredibly deep pain and shame that she felt when Alex told her never to be special again. That moment, too, would never leave her, that feeling of being so so far from home and so so different that the one person she cared most about could not even bridge that chasm._

Inside the DEO building, there was a skeleton crew on late weekend mornings, monitoring and watching, always watching for danger outward. Kara walked down the quiet, dark halls deep inside the back offices below the command pit. This was where the labs were located, where the servers were, where the ‘prisoners’ were held locked away, for good reason in most cases but perhaps not in all. It felt a little unsteady and unsettling to know that most in this building considered every alien as potentially dangerous. Her own sister had believed that for a long time, before experience and compassion and the ones she loved - Kara and Maggie and J’onn - helped inform a more nuanced view. But still, Kara could not help but feel the push and pull of what it meant to work for an organization where threats were always external, where it was ‘them or they’, ‘those aliens’ that were held in a separate and distant space. Kara wondered if the same people who looked outward at aliens would be as quick to sense a more internal threat. J’onn’s first words to her came back.

_Welcome to the DEO. We monitor and protect the earth from extraterrestrial presence and/or invasion. That means you._

Where her Sunday had started in bright light, Kara rounded the corner down the stairs where no light penetrated as she sought out the one who had said those very words to her in her not-so-distant past. She tried not to remember her very first visit to the DEO, when she was shocked to see her sister there and when J’onn inadvertently placed a burden upon her shoulders she felt to this day.

_What we do know is this: your pod pulled Ft. Rozz with you. When it crashed, the alien convicts, the worst criminals in the galaxy, t_ _hey all escaped. And you brought them here._

Her history had added weight and it always would. Those first days of coming out as who she was were painful in ways she was still processing, ways that manifested in anger and sadness in the present. Her own sister’s involvement in the DEO trying to dissuade her from being super felt like a betrayal, but even worse, when it was coming from someone she had shared an early life with, someone she had trusted. Like Jeremiah. Like the man who had kept her hidden all in the name of keeping her safe. Jeremiah forever changed how she viewed the world, how it was filtered through glasses and memories and a history. Jeremiah.

And yet. And yet, when it all felt too heavy, when she felt herself drowning, she went back to that moment she pulled herself from the water and stood on a plane’s wing, strong and hopeful and ready to face whatever may come. Kara Zor-El didn’t come to earth to make history, but she had and she couldn’t do what she did if she didn’t believe that what she felt and what she knew to be right were true. This is what made Kara a superhero and if that meant she was the only one who could bear the weight of all of that, it was good that she was built for such things and it was good that her heart believed, in extraordinary amounts.

“Kara, I’m surprised to see you here on a Sunday.”

J’onn looked up from his desk as Kara paused in the doorway, a pile of notes about Cadmus and the inventory from the mountain was strewn around him. So much had changed between them too, from that early painful distrust to the growing knowledge of who and what J’onn was and how and why he had come into her life and Alex’s. He was likely the best and worst person for this conversation, but she had no choice. She had had a restless night with no sleep, despite everything. Her mind and heart were preoccupied by two people right now and she wanted a little more clarity and distance. J’onn was usually good for both of those things.

“Well, you know me, always working on the weekends.”

J’onn smiled as he leaned back and pointed to a chair across the desk.

“Kara, you only work on the weekends when I call you in and I definitely didn’t call you in. Everything’s quiet on the Cadmus front right now.”

Kara sat, her eyes looking down to her hands before she looked back at him.

“Except for that whole stolen alien registry thing.”

J’onn’s smile faded as he nodded.

“Yes, that is still a threat, but they have been quiet and we haven’t heard any backchannel chatter from them.”

“Did you figure out how it was taken?”

The director reached over and pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to Kara. He watched as she looked it over, scanning the numbers and the meaning.

“Winn just finished this post-incident report a few hours ago. It looks like DEO servers were accessed from the outside and the information downloaded through a backhole reverse script that bypassed Winn’s added security application. We haven’t identified the who and where yet, but we know it was a private industry masked IP.”

Kara looked up at J’onn, her brows coming together.

“So someone hacked in and used a script to decode the application that Winn installed and was able to transfer information from the DEO’s federal port to a private port?”

J’onn’s eyes narrowed.

“That’s a very specific and accurate way of describing what happened, Kara. What do you know?”

Kara took a breath before she spoke, not quite sure how to lay out what she knew from what she suspected to what might all be untrue.

“I’m still putting some pieces together since Alex told me what happened, but who do you think would have that kind of capability and knowledge, J’onn?”

“Very few. Because it takes two concurrent processes, according to Winn’s analysis, and it would have to be the right person or persons to initiate both.”

Kara nodded as the director laid out a few papers and sketched out the concepts as he talked.

“First, it would have to be someone who knew how to get into the DEO servers in the first place given our firewall layers, how we’ve distributed the servers, and randomly arrayed the network access switches. It’s an intricate web of security pass through ports that require overriding Winn’s application. Only someone with a working knowledge of the DEO would know what to do and where to find it once they got in.”

Kara nodded as she brought her chair closer to the desk and the DEO director continued.

“Winn also said that it would also have to be someone who knew could reverse script the pass through port switches in order to download the content from a government server port to a private industry one.”

J’onn pulled out another folder and dropped it on the desk in front of Kara. It didn’t take X-ray vision to see that the world L-Corp and Lena Luthor were written all over the documents inside.

“And according to this, your friend Lena Luthor and her company developed an open source corecode that does exactly that. Is that why you have intimate knowledge of the port to port security layer?”

Kara looked at him and sighed. It hadn’t been very long since their last disagreement about a certain Luthor, right before Kara fly into a mountain to save that very same woman. J’onn had made his feelings known about Lena, even referring to her as a hostile. Despite all of that, Kara knew he responded well to facts and reason, even if his protective feelings for her and Alex were strong. The people on this earth held sway over Kryptonian and Martian alike and they were not immune to their pull.

“Yes, Lena told me about that code, she wrote it. But that doesn’t mean she is responsible for this. It is open source which could mean anyone.”

“I didn’t imply she was responsible, Kara. You asked me who had the ability and knowledge to take the alien registry from the DEO. Lena might have the key to one part of getting that information, but she would need help with the other. We didn’t just store a copy of the registry on the C drive and hope no one would remember what that was. It was buried deep and only someone who has intimate knowledge of our servers could find it.”

Kara put her hand to her face, rubbing against her brow as she thought back to her conversation with Lena. Jeremiah had come to her on Saturday afternoon with a device to decode, purportedly holding the registry. Lena said she decoded it before she came over to see Kara last night. But the port scripting and the DEO server hack had to occur at the same time for data to be transferred at all. The timing just wasn’t right yet in her head. Kara looked back down at the paper and found a scrawled note and timestamp.

“Wait, it says that the information was downloaded and decoded Saturday morning at 6:38am.”

J’onn nodded, his hands folded together on the desk in front of him.

“Yes, Agent Vasquez got the alert and called Winn in when she noted a down spike in the performance load on the Sea-Server where our data backups from DEO main is maintained.”

Kara sat looking at him before she took a breath, knowing what this meant, what it meant for the past and for the future and how it would affect everyone close to her. She closed her eyes, almost wishing for a pair of glasses that could block out the face of someone who would change the course of people’s lives, hers included. When she opened them, she found J’onn waiting patiently. Kara’s words were quiet.

“Lena Luthor couldn’t have been involved in stealing the alien registry, J’onn. I was with her when the DEO servers were hacked. She didn’t leave her bed.”

J’onn’s expression didn’t change as he nodded once before he spoke.

“But you have an idea of who might have been involved.”

Kara sighed, her eyes full of pain as she looked back at the man, the Martian who had been as close to the Danvers as anyone could be. She hated that she had to share this because it would hurt him as much as it was hurting her.

“Jeremiah.”

****

Sunday nights came faster than the morning and Kara had watched the setting sun from high atop CatCo, the horizon dipping from yellow to orange to shades of purple until the sky succumbed to the darkness. She didn’t know how long she sat up there, eyes fixed to the west as a warmer wind blew from the south. Right now, the compass in Kara’s head and in her heart couldn’t find true north, even if she tried. She and J’onn had stayed at the DEO, had talked through the hows and whys and what to dos, both landing on the same conclusion of waiting until the older Danvers showed himself, if he ever would again. He had been elusive for years so finding him now was not going to be any easier. Kara let her arms hug her knees as the wind pulled at her cape and her hair whipped across her face.

Sometimes, it was easier to be Supergirl than it was to be Kara and today was one of those days. When she left the DEO, she scoured the city to find ways to settle her hands, to help, to be someone who mattered and made a difference in a way that brought that same feeling up of standing atop a plane’s wing. Car crashes to disrupt, fires to put out, a collapsing roof to shore up, a missing child found, a car jacking avoided. It felt good and felt easy to be an ordinary superhero doing ordinary superhero things for ordinary people. No one was trying to exterminate aliens and no one was about to betray his family for the wrong reasons. Supergirl could just exist in a more normal moment, could forget the past or pretend the future wasn’t coming and just be. It was that simple.

When she finally went back to her apartment, it felt lonely and dark. She showered, ate, sat on her couch and tried to read a book, flipped through the channels aimlessly and finally gave up. In the dim light of her bedroom, Kara stared at the ceiling, willing sleep to come but knowing it wouldn’t. Just as she was about to get back up again and do something, anything to settle herself, the air became electric. Her phone rang.

“Hello.”

“Kara?”

“Yes, it’s me...”

“Is it okay that I called you? It’s late.”

“Of course, it’s okay. You found my number, huh?”

“I did, just now. You’re quite sneaky to have left it under my pillow.”

“Wow, no one has ever called me sneaky and meant it.”

“It was also quite..sweet, Kara. You leaving me a little note like that.”

“Ah..well..I meant it..”

“Now you have my number and you can call me ‘whenever you need me’ too.”

“So, you called because you need me?”

“I called because I missed you.”

“You miss me?”

“I do.”

“Back at you.”

“Are you doing okay?”

“Mostly, yes. And you’re a big reason for that.”

“I am?”

“Yes, you are...can I tell you something?”

“Please do.”

“When I was growing up, here, with the Danvers, we lived by the ocean. It was the most amazing place I had seen on earth. The water was so clear, the sky so blue, the grass so green. It was the perfect place for me to be, I had space to explore, I had the best view of the stars that you can imagine. The first time I ever flew was from the roof of that house and I knew that I would never get tired of that feeling, of being free. Where I was from, I didn’t have those kinds of powers and my mother, my birth mother, told me that when I got to Earth, I would be changed. And she was right. What I didn’t realize, until recently, was that that feeling, of being free to become the person I am now came with some pretty heavy strings attached.….”

“...and I have to be so, so careful, always. People depend on me, they count on me, they trust me. I once lost that trust from them and I have never felt as lonely as I did then, except for once. When I came here, I was alone for a long long time and when people lost faith in me, it reminded me of floating in space with no anchor, endlessly floating and nothing keeping me from just..drifting..away. Now that I’m here, I realize that I need something from people too. I need to trust them as much as they do me. And that is so hard, Lena, so hard when everyone is so..human..so flawed and I used to think I was built differently, but I’m not. I keep thinking I have it down, that I know who to trust and why, but then something happens that makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong. I’ve got all these superpowers and none of it matters when it comes to that. Why can’t it be easier for once, why can’t it not hurt so much..”

“Oh Kara...I am so, so sorry...”

“Lena, I really really need to trust you and I’m scared of what would happen if I do.”

“Kara... What if you let yourself trust me and I made you happy? What if we both trusted each other, right here, right now, because we both need that? What if Kara Danvers decided Lena Luthor was someone she wanted to take a chance on?”

“Lena....”

“...I’m still here, Kara..”

“I know you are. I like that feeling, of you being..here..”

“We could be happy...”

“..we could...”

“..you deserve to be happy, Kara…”

“..so do you..”

“..mmhmm..”

“...stay with me?..please..until I fall asleep..”

“..I’m not going anywhere, Kara..I promise….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JF3Xt44VGXo&t=615s


	19. You Know Me Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

Time is a strange thing, speeding up and slowing down depending upon the beat of a heart or the tilt of the earth. Monday turned into Tuesday turned into the next and the next, blending together in that blurred way that life sometimes does when it is busy, or overwhelming, or when the wait for something drags the hours along, slow and steady. The buses ran on schedule, cars stopped and started in time to the blinking stoplights, and the people of National City had started the workday as if nothing special had happened over the weekend. By Thursday, the weekends felt like bookends heavily weighted on one side.The ground was wet with puddles from melting snow and the sun warmed up enough for light winter jackets to be enough. The pace was neither hurried nor slow, shops opened their doors, buildings bustled with the new arrivals and departures, kids reluctantly went to school and the world spun on.

For Kara, the days sped by in ways that felt exhausting all the same, the product of being busy at work trying to keep up with Snapper’s demands and trying to hold everything together. It also meant pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. She bought coffee and donuts at Noonan’s, coaxing reluctant smiles from Sammy the barista in the mornings, had lunches with Winn and James, put her head down to work in the afternoons until her eyes grew tired. But the nights slowed down and Kara’s thoughts were full of a different sort, clouded and dark for very different reasons.

Lena Luthor occupied a place in the night and all the spaces in between. Kara felt herself pulled in a way that was new, caught in the middle of wanting and holding back for reasons she was still working out. She wanted to see Lena, wanted more of that spark just under the surface, and more of those eyes on hers. And yet, every time she found herself itching to go out in search of the woman who was so close, just across the the city, she hesitated. It was a paralyzing feeling when she knew she wanted to go, that she should reach out, but her feet would not take her there. It should be so easy, after what they had shared last weekend, but it wasn’t and now time had passed between a phone call in the night, whispered possibilities, heartache, and the every day of a work week passing.

Without Alex as a sounding board about her feelings for Lena, especially now after what happened, Kara was left to navigate alone what it all meant. Lena had asked for trust and Kara was so, so close to trusting herself on this. But the specter of Cadmus and Jeremiah and her disconnect with Alex drove a wedge in what she wanted and what she could give. It was why she hadn’t pressed call on her phone when she thumbed through her phone, Lena’s name now added. It was why she hadn’t texted, even easier, or why she hadn’t emailed. Inertia felt foreign and new to Kara and she hated it. Time, that eternal disruptor, inserting distance and space into the equation between two objects drawn together by other forces.

So, late in the day Thursday, Kara found herself distracted, trying to bridge the gap between her work life at CatCo, the threats she knew an alien registry in the hands of Cadmus would create, and the woman who pulled her towards the night with promises of jasmine and flight.

“Excuse me.”

Kara, deep in thought and her eyes drawn to her notes, almost walked into a body in CatCo’s workspace. The air sparked on her tongue before the name slipped out of her mouth.

“Lena?”

And then said woman turned, her dark hair pulled into a bun, black dress, deep fuchsia coat, red lips, and green eyes that held hers. Kara watched a small smile come across Lena’s face and the whole weekend, all those feelings, came rushing back to her with the physical manifestation of her thoughts. It took her breath away and threw Kara off balance. Lena’s voice was soft.

“She said with surprise in her voice for some reason.”

It wasn’t an accusation, but more of an acknowledgement that sometimes crossing the distance between time and space meant that one object moved forward when another could not. Those words meant: _I’m not going anywhere so don’t be surprised when I come to you, don’t be surprised to see me reaching out to you when you pull away_. For Lena, the last few days between when she had quietly ended a phone call with Kara after soft words had turned to silence and sleep and this moment had been..challenging. That was the best word to describe desire delayed.

The days at L-Corp, the meetings, the phone calls, the report reviews, the audits, all of the business of Lena’s day crawled at a snail’s pace. Usually, she found her days moving along at a quick clip with Jess’ scheduling and the volume of work she had, but not this week. Work, uncharacteristically, felt like a barrier between her and her life, like a slog to get through as she waited for something else. Her nights sped by too quickly when she finally made it back to her apartment exhausted. She’d no sooner kick off her heels and pour a glass of wine before the clock would hit eleven, too late to reach out, too early to give up.

Lena wanted Kara to find her way back to her when she was ready so she waited, until she could not. Lena Luthor, after all, did not get where she was by luck alone and her strength came from knowing when to play the right cards at the right time. But this wasn’t strategy. When it came to Kara, her heart was in charge and her feelings spilled out now without control, she couldn’t hide how she felt with Kara, not anymore at least. Once she realized what she wanted, once Maggie had given her a fresh perspective on what it meant to love someone like Kara Danvers, Lena could not shake it. She had spent so many years keeping this part of herself hidden for good reason. She kept what she wanted, the feelings she had for others, safe from her family’s reach, and now that it had escaped, she never wanted to lock it away again. This certainty about Kara was what drove Lena to CatCo and what drove her to be the one who risked first. _Don’t be surprised to see me reaching out to you._

Kara looked at her, a small spark igniting with Lena’s full attention on her. There was something different, something more open about Lena and she could feel it vibrating under her skin and it disrupted her train of thought. Days of not seeing Lena after the kind of weekend they had and the emotional intensity of it rattled Kara as words of contrition softly fell from lips.

“Lena, I’m so sorry...I meant to call...there’s just a lot going on..”

Lena eyes softened as she looked at Kara, shaking her head a little.

“That’s okay, you don’t need to explain.”

“Ah..okay…”

Kara let out a breath and dropped her head before she reached up and adjusted her glasses, her eyes lifting to Lena’s. It was a little disorienting to be Kara Danvers, the reporter at CatCo, standing here at work with Lena Luthor who now knew she was Supergirl and who had also been with her when she was most herself, Kara Zor-El. Juggling all these interconnected identities, these personas, made her feel unsteady, especially now when the feelings that Lena brought out in her transcended them all. She could tell that struggle was visible and when Lena looked at her, she knew the other woman could see it too. Lena’s hand reached out towards her.

“Is everything okay?”

Kara shook her head and moved a little closer making sure their conversation was not overheard in the bustle of a newsroom, before her eyes fell to the floor. Everything that Lena had said was true, everything came to pass, and it was too much. When she looked up again, Lena’s brows were together, concerned. Kara let out a single sighed, weary word.

“Jeremiah.”

And really, all she needed to do was say that name and Lena knew what that meant. Perhaps not all of it, not the details of it, not the abject sorrow and disappointment that came with it, but Lena, more than anyone, would understand how it felt to be disillusioned by a parent when you wanted to believe otherwise.

“Oh Kara..”

Lena couldn’t help it when her hand reached out and rested against Kara’s arm, her fingers squeezing gently through the soft wool blazer and connecting to the woman who held her gaze through resigned eyes. Lena looked around and let her hand slip down to Kara’s tugging in the direction of CatCo’s elevator bank as she spoke.

“Let me take you somewhere away from here..please?”

It was an offer to leave this place, momentarily, leave the eyes and ears of a reporting firm for some privacy, for some space alone together. Kara took another deep breath before she nodded. Snapper and his persistent demands could wait until tomorrow, she needed some time to clear her head and Lena’s hand in hers became an escape she could not refuse. They rode the elevator down in silence and she could feel Lena’s eyes on her, watching carefully, but not prying. Kara closed her own briefly, remembering Tuesday and forgetting what day it was all at the same time. Time was a strange thing, a way to forget or remember when the other was preferred.

***  
_The forest was dark, still, and quiet when Kara let her hearing search for Alex. The train had passed over with her hastily repaired tracks and all she remembered was the deafening whoosh of the engine and cars over her head as she held so many fragile pieces together. Kara and Alex had already dealt with the reunion, with the flood of emotions, with the hope, with the doubt and in the middle of a night time forest with Cadmus looming, Kara exhaled a deep breath and concentrated. Alex. Where had she burrowed into the trees as she chased Lillian Luthor, the cyborg, and her own father. As Kara held her breath hovering above the tall, dark trees, she heard the actual breaking of a heart, the way the cracks in Alex’s delicate, strong organ split and hope leaked out among the leaves and melting snow. Kara landed softly so as not to startle the woman who knelt, crying among the barren trees._

_“Hey...hey...Alex..I’m here…”_

_Instinctively, Kara wrapped her cape and her arms around her sister and pulled her close, absorbing the silent sobs of a woman as strong as she was, perhaps stronger because she wasn’t fueled by the sun. Alex always tried to keep her emotions in check but allowed herself to lean against and be held by her sister, in full Supergirl regalia, as the bitter tears leached out of her eyes. She had believed, so strongly, so surely, that Jeremiah was good, was the father she had missed for so long. And now, in the middle of a quiet stand of tall trees and her alien adopted sister, Alex felt more alone than she could have even imagined._

_“He..he said he did it for me..he said I was the best part of him..”_

_Alex choked out the words, trying to compose herself as Kara kept her arms around her. The younger woman just nodded her head against a shoulder, letting her arms hold Alex tighter as she spoke quietly, haltingly in a state of shock._

_“He betrayed everyone that I love, Kara...and he said he did that for me..for our family..and I let him go...”_

_Kara pulled her arms tighter around Alex, her own mind whirling at what had happened and the distress Alex was feeling. She whispered against her sister’s hair._

_“It’s okay, Alex..you did what was right..”_

_She felt Alex shake her head violently and draw in a deeper breath._

_“I didn’t, Kara. I could have..stopped..him..shot him...and I couldn’t...he betrayed us all and I let him go..”_

_Kara held Alex steady, feeling the conflict and the struggle in the woman she considered just as strong, just a solid as anyone she knew. This was exactly what she was afraid of when Lena had told her of Jeremiah’s visit, she could have sketched out this exact scene in the woods of heartbreak and loss and betrayal..and family. Kara spoke quietly, her breath ascending high among the stark branches above them._

_“Alex, it’s not your fault. I promise. I promise…..”_

_And they stayed like that, silent in the woods as the night surrounded two women who had only each other, who were left to handle the aftermath of family disappointment and the deep, deep ache that came with the truth that not everyone could be as we wish them. Family was complicated._

***

Lena took them just down the street to a quiet cafe, a place that Jess had recommended she try, ducking them both into the warmed space. She let her hand linger against Kara’s lower back as she led her to a booth near the back, cozy and private. It felt easy, felt right for her hands to find purchase against Kara and she couldn’t really help herself, not when the other woman let herself be led and only nodded at the menu when Lena pointed with a finger and an eyebrow. Kara was so quiet and Lena wanted to take that weight away from her.

Tucked into the booth, Kara rested her elbows on the table, took off her glasses, and pressed her fingers against her eyelids until trails of comets appeared in the darkness. Lena waited patiently, sitting across the small booth quietly, as Kara took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

“It was horrible, Lena. And it’s not over yet.”

Lena nodded her head, she understood as much as anyone that things would never be over when it came to her mother and the plans she laid in the Luthor name, for misguided vengeance and small-minded bigotry. She reached out without thought and let her hand fall on Kara’s arm, feeling warmth just under the surface.

“I know and I’m so sorry, Kara. I can imagine how you feel.”

“I’m..I’m not worried about me, I’m worried about Alex..and I’m worried about all the..others.”

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Kara let a pained smile cross her lips as she shook her head and took a breath, pushing a strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail from her face. Honestly, she had spent enough time in her head going over what happened and she just wanted a moment where it didn’t exist. She wanted something to take it all away for a little bit, to close the distance that time and space had made.

“I do, but can we..just..”

When no other words came and Kara’s eyes told her all she needed to know, Lena nodded and let her eyes soften, her lips in a gentle smile.

“Of course. We can just.”

They held each other’s gaze until Lena let go of Kara’s arm when the server brought two drinks, sweetened fermented black tea, and a small plate of fruits, cheeses, charcuterie, breads to set between them. As she sat there looking across the table at Lena, Kara realized suddenly that she missed the contact, that it made everything better. She was quickly learning what the touch of the woman across from her could do to her, the spark it made and the way her body hummed in response. Kara had already had a taste of that spark unleashed, but now, the soothing comfort Lena had was equally craved. She wanted to forget about this week and what happened and come back to it tomorrow. Right now, she just needed what was right in front of her. Kara let her eyes hold Lena’s as she spoke softly.

“Thank you.”

Lena smiled, her head cocking a little to the side.

“For what?”

Kara smiled and looked down at the table, her fingers playing at the glass in front of her before she looked back at Lena. The truth was that Lena knew her well by now, could read her like a book and Kara needed someone who got it, who knew what every part of her needed and could put all the pieces together in just the right way. This was what she meant when she told Alex that she wanted one thing that was just for her, someone who let her just..be..who she was, let her be made of distant stars with a heart that was tender and strong at the same time. She needed and wanted someone who just knew how to do that and deep down, Lena Luthor was that someone.

“For being here. With me. For getting me out of the office and out of my head. For being you.”

Lena let out a little laugh and smiled back, watching the color just under the surface of Kara’s skin glow gold. She never wanted that light in Kara’s eyes as she smiled softly to dim and if she could be a part of why, she would.

“That’s what friends are for.”

Kara laughed a little before she reached out for Lena’s hand, wanting to re-establish the contact and the comfort and the hint of that distant star.

“You’re more than a friend, Lena. I hope you know that.”

Lena’s eyes held hers and softened, her voice quiet.

“Am I?”

Kara could see a flicker of something on Lena’s face, hope or doubt or both combined and she realized that this question had weight, that the woman across from her needed something from her too. They had talked of trust, they had talked of being happy, and Kara realized that Lena was reaching out to her and was opening herself up in a way she was sure few ever saw. Maybe it could be easier, maybe all it took was a choice to be happy, to trust something that felt like a rollercoaster, something that was scary and exhilarating all at once. Why couldn’t Kara choose to be brave and let that superhero heart of hers open up fully. Now, more than ever with what had happened and the uncertainty of what the future held for those she considered family, Kara needed to believe in something. Why not trust what she was feeling as her fingertips tingled at the current just under Lena’s skin? And Lena deserved to be happy too, to be hopeful, to believe.

“You are. Can you feel this?”

At that, Kara’s hands covered Lena’s across the table and she held her eyes, letting the golden feeling pass through her fingertips from that place just under her ribs. It vibrated at a low frequency and hummed to the rhythm of Lena’s heartbeat. Lena held her breath, she knew this feeling, it was the same thing she had felt when her lips had kissed Kara, when their bodies were in close contact, only it was more defined, focused. Lena's eyes went wide as she whispered.

“I can..”

Lena closed her eyes and concentrated, it felt like she was flying, like she was touching the stars, and what made Kara special was coursing through her body now, warming from the inside out and taking her breath away. It made her dizzy with its immensity, with its intensity and Lena gasped at the realization. She knew this was not science, was not biology, was nothing that could be quantified or described or predicted. This was the universe finding the right set of conditions to sing on an elemental level and she realized that what she was feeling was a symphony. When her eyes opened, she felt the cosmos thrumming through Kara’s smile and she never wanted that to end, wanted more.

“Kara…”

“Yes.”

Kara watched as the look on Lena’s face shifted and the other woman’s eyes darkened to a shade of emerald that reminded her of a pine forest, full of dark promises and secrets. The universe was made of light and dark, each with its own pull and attraction. Kara felt the shift under her fingers, a jolt coming under the surface where Lena’s body responded. She recognized that feeling from before when they had woken up together in Lena’s bed, when she struggled. It made Kara’s hands vibrate and her body want such that she had to swallow the sudden urge to break. Lena let a different kind of smile cross her lips at Kara’s response, dark attracting light. She watched Lena stand, drop a bill on the table, and lean over, her mouth coming dangerously close to Kara’s before it bypassed to her ear, jasmine and black hair and a tone of voice that made Kara close her eyes and press her hands to the table to hold steady.

“Come home with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/kcqRDD1KXaw


	20. Brave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE214/SE215 - 'Homecoming'/'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

Breathing was peculiar, in the way that blinking was, in the way that a body just did those things without thinking too much or really thinking at all. How many breaths were in a minute, how many inhalations and exhalations occupied an hour, when you counted up all the breaths taken from start to finish, what was the volume of a person, could it fill up a bucket or a pool or an ocean. Was it true that if you blinked, you might miss it all? These were, strangely, the thoughts Kara was having at this very moment as the long black car sped down National City’s streets. These were relevant, though, because she kept holding her breath without realizing as Lena sat just within reach in the back seat next to her. Kara also couldn’t keep her eyes off the expanse of skin along Lena’s legs as the dark haired woman shifted towards her. Kara kept her hands tucked under her own thighs to prevent them from wandering like they wanted.

“I’m very interested in what you’re thinking about right now, Kara.”

At the sound of Lena’s voice, Kara looked up from her reverie on Lena’s curves to find a dark eyebrow raised and a slow smile on red lips. She felt heat rush to her cheeks as she smiled back and trusted herself only to reach up and adjust her glasses. Her voice was quiet.

“I’m thinking about how you take my breath away, to be honest.”

Lena’s eyes darkened just a little as her hand reached over and her fingers lightly traced against Kara’s wrist before settling on top of her hand.

“You flatter me, Kara. And it will get you everywhere.”

Lena let out a quiet laugh and Kara smiled into it, feeling the thrum of Lena’s pulse on her skin. Earlier, Lena had called her car service as the server at the small restaurant packed up their order in a little box to go. They had said very little as they waited just in the vestibule for the L-corp car to pull up but the air between them cracked with potential. Now, as they car drove through the city streets and lights started blinking on in high rises, Kara focused on her lungs, the in and out of air, full of oxygen and sweet white flowers and the coming night. And then Lena shifted again, leaning over and letting her lips softly press against the warm skin of her cheek, just near her ear. She could hear Lena exhale against her so she closed her eyes, knowing if they didn’t get to their final destination quickly, she would have a hard time keeping her hands under control.

Just as Lena’s lips started a path down along her jaw and her head began swimming, a low ring came over the speakers in the back of car. Kara took a breath as Lena sighed and reluctantly pulled back, her eyes holding Kara’s steady as she pressed a button on the digital display embedded in the seat in front of her.

“Yes, Jess?”

Her assistant’s voice came into the car and Kara couldn’t help but think that for once, the interruption and bad timing was not her fault this time. It didn’t make it any easier, of course, and her other hand went without thought to her glasses, pushing them up out of habit as her eyes fell to the curve of Lena’s calf and traveled up. Kara felt the pull of want speeding up her own heart.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Ms. Luthor, but I felt this couldn’t wait.”

Lena’s fingers slipped under Kara’s palm and slid along the heel of her thumb and traced the lines in the center, noting the different patterns they formed. She kept her gaze on Kara’s face, drawing Kara in as she licked her lips.

“Go on, please.”

Kara could hear Jess take in a breath and papers shuffling on a desk, she could even hear the clock ticking above the assistant’s desk in the echoing L-Corp hallway and the janitor’s broom two floors down, every sense heightened inadvertently by the close proximity of the woman who held her eyes.

“You had asked me to pull together some files from 2007 in the Luthor Corporation archive. I cross referenced them with a recent billing invoice and with those files you printed out over the weekend. I think I found something that you’re going to want to see.”

Lena sat back a little and cocked her head, her eyebrow raised in thought.

“The records from that steel company?”

“Yes. I think I found something. Important.”

Lena exhaled and looked at Kara, nodding her head.

“I’ll be there shortly, Jess. Thanks.”

Bad timing, yes, very bad timing but some things could wait. Lena let go of her hand and leaned forward and pressed a button to slide down the divider to the front of the car.

“Chao-xing, change of plans. Can you take us to the office please?”

The woman driving found Kara’s eyes in the rearview mirror (in what Kara imagined to be sympathy and actually was) before she nodded to her boss.

“Of course, Ms. Luthor. Five minutes.”

The window divider came back up and the dark filled the back seat of the car again. The air was still electric and sparking, but suspended and heavy. Lena reached over and trailed her finger along Kara’s jaw, wiping away the lingering lipstick she had left. Kara held her breath again at the contact and the thought of the mark Lena left on her. Lena let a smile cross her lips before she leaned in close.

“I like taking your breath away, Kara.”

Kara nodded before she bit her lip and smiled back in the quiet of the car.

“You’re very good at it.”

Lena rested her hand on Kara’s arm, squeezing before her voice dropped low.

“I’m looking forward to getting very good at you.”

Kara shook her head, trying not to fall too far into Lena Luthor’s charms when their night had taken a turn. Lena smiled before she spoke again.

“I’m sorry, but I think this detour will be worth it.”

They held each other’s eyes as the black car wheeled into L-Corps underground garage, winding under layers of concrete before pulling up to the bank of private elevators. Kara took in a deep breath at that and opened her door, her lungs filling with the mild, damp cold of the garage and the melting snow and it helped her re-focus and clear her head a bit. She was around to the other side of the car before Lena had a chance to step out and Kara smiled, her hand reaching in to help Lena out, legs and heels followed by the dark-haired woman and those green eyes. Lena nodded at her, her face turning serious.

“This could be the break we need to find Cadmus and stop my mother.”

**

The building was quiet, with a few employees here and there finishing up for the day. Kara steadied herself, letting her body relax even as the vibration in her fingertips remained. Lena led the way off the elevator and down the long hall towards the familiar office of white at the end. They paused at Jess’ unoccupied desk and Lena looked around, her brows coming together at her assistant’s absence. Kara peered over the desk and saw that Jess’ belongings were gone from where she tucked her purse and commuter bag. Kara looked at Lena and shrugged.

“She must be in your office waiting.”

Lena nodded and they moved further down the hall as they approached Lena’s office. Just as Lena was about to reach for the door handle, Kara held up a hand and stepped in front, instinct taking over. She used her vision to scan the office, but found the office empty. While she opened the door, Kara let her hand fall to small of Lena’s back against her coat to lead her in. A rush of memories and feelings washed over Kara as she stepped inside and she couldn’t help but catch Lena’s eye.

Lena smiled as she made her way into her home away from home, setting down her purse on the couch and shrugging off her coat to hang on the metal tripod rack to the side. On her desk were several piles of paper and files and the video screen on her office wall was displaying several photos and drawings. Lena looked at her desk and found a bright yellow post it note on top of the pile, holding it up for Kara to see too.

_Be right back - Jess_

Kara peered at the video display of a large building and Lena started sorting through the papers that Jess had laid out and the notes recorded on a ledger. The night outside got darker and the lights of National City blinked on. Lena opened up her laptop and sat down, her eyes scanning documents and files.

“What is this?”

Lena looked up at the image and referenced her notes. Kara’s back was to her, a hand on her chin as she took in the photos of a building and schematics before looking over her shoulder when the other woman spoke.

“That’s an old naval facility Lex had in the Luthor Corporation portfolio that’s been shut down for ten years. But according to the notes here, L-Corp got billed for a metal shipment last month that was delivered there.”

Kara turned around, her brows coming together.

“Do you think this is where Cadmus is setting up shop?”

Lena let her eyes peer at the papers on her desk before she exhaled and stood, holding up an invoice.

“I do now and this confirms it. Kara, this is an invoice that came from the device that Jeremiah gave me. I didn’t see the connection until now.”

Kara came over near the desk as she strung together the information, her voice slightly perplexed.

“But that means that Jeremiah was actually giving you a clue to finding Cadmus?”

Lena let a small smile cross her lips as she shook her head.

“Yes, and he had to know I would give it to you.”

Kara’s hand went to her head at the thought. After the betrayal, after the hurt that Alex had endured, Jeremiah had done something she never thought would happen. He gave her a reason to believe, despite everything. Lena could see the energy flowing through Kara and a renewed sense of urgency. Just then, Kara’s phone rang and she pulled it out, looking at it before she answered, her voice switching to business.

“Maggie. What’s up?”

Lena watched as Kara listened, their eyes holding each others until Kara looked at the video display.

“Yes, of course she would.Your girlfriend is stubborn as we’ve established. But I have an idea of where she might be going. I’ll be in touch.”

Kara smiled into the phone, shaking her head as she listened just a little more.

“Yes, I’ll be careful, Maggie and yes, I’ll make sure Alex comes home safe so you can yell at her for going lone wolf on you. Talk to you soon.”

Kara put her phone away into her bag and moved closer to Lena’s desk, her eyes focused and steady. The air was charged and Kara’s feet wanted flight, needed to act. Alex was going to find Jeremiah on her own and confront Cadmus and the superhero underneath her skin wanted out. Lena reached over and took one of Kara’s hands, pulling her close and feeling the energy flowing warm and urgent.

“You need to go.”

Kara nodded as she reached up and took her glasses off.

“I do.”

Lena took in a breath as she watched the transformation begin to happen, feeling a shift in the power under her hands and in the woman standing in front of her. There was something different about Kara’s countenance, the way her body took on another form full of resolve and steel. It was mesmerizing to watch as Kara changed in the most subtle ways, she seemed taller, looked stronger, she became. Lena countered with softness as her hands reached up and held either side of Kara’s face, gently, feeling the pulsing warmth under her fingers as she whispered.

“Be safe and come back to me, please.”

Kara reached her arms around Lena’s waist, pulling the other woman close and letting her lips find Lena’s in a kiss that was equal parts desire and a promise, hard and sure and then slowing and then lingering before she pulled back. Kara waited until Lena caught her breath and opened her eyes again before she smiled down at her. The flush of red on Lena’s neck and cheeks might not be a lipstick mark, but Kara liked the shade on her just the same. Lena’s hands went to Kara’s shoulders and she shook her head, whispering in the space between them.

“You’re the breathtaking one now, Kara.

Kara just smiled as she gathered her bag and started for the door, not quite ready to fully transform into Supergirl in front of Lena just yet. Some things were better left to the imagination and quite honestly, that was a level of intimacy that Kara need a little more time with, getting used to another set of eyes on her as she became who she really was underneath it all. It wasn’t a secret anymore, Lena knew, but it was also something that still felt private, still felt exposing. She was still getting used to navigating who and how she was with Lena, all parts of her. There was time for this too. Kara turned back as her hand reached the office door handle, her eyes falling on Lena’s across the room.

“Thank you, Lena. For everything.”

Lena just nodded, a smile forming as she watched Kara leave. Her hand shook a little as it reached up and touched against her lips, the tender sting and taste of distant stars lingering.

***

If Lena thought she was going to be able to work after this evening, she was kidding herself. She had stayed at the office, nibbling on the carryout box contents from earlier, a glass of wine helping to wash it down. She double checked the documents against notes and files and was confident that Lillian had been using that shuttered naval facility for months, all under her nose. She resolved to make sure there were no other mole-holes and shadow casts in the company for Cadmus or anyone else to exploit. Part of turning L-Corp around meant ridding it of all its malignant spots and continuing to build its portfolio for good. This would keep her busy for the next quarter and beyond as she started sketching out plans to bring in additional auditors and investigative minds to assist.

While all that was good and well, the majority of her thoughts were occupied with Kara, with Supergirl and what might be happening with Cadmus and her mother. It felt a little helpless to not be able to do anything other than provide information, but sometimes that was enough to turn the tide. And frankly, it wasn’t like she could go home and sleep, waiting to hear word from Kara about what was happening. Lena stood, turning to look out the window and send her thoughts to the girl who was super. The stars were out blinking in the night sky and everything was dark far up, the milky way just an idea overshadowed by bright city lights. Lena fiddled with her phone before she sent a text.

_If you hear anything first, you’ll tell me, yes?_

Lena waited, her eyes on the sky until a ding on her phone came back.

_Of course I’m a wreck over here I wish I had insisted on going_

Lena nodded as she texted back to Maggie Sawyer, finding a kindred spirit in the night.

_Will this also be covered in Danvers 101 - how to wait patiently at the window for your hero’s return?_

_Ha yeah right before how to properly welcome them back with a stern talking to and hot sex_

Lena’s eyebrow raised at that and smiled.

_So many things to learn, so little time. Stay in touch please._

_Def. Hang in there they got this_

Lena let her eyes search the sky, hoping for the best and knowing that her mother was capable of bringing out the worst. She focused on the steely resolve she saw in Kara’s eyes and remembered how strong she was on all accounts, but it was Kara’s heart that could move mountains and stop planes and do the impossible. Maggie was right: Kara’s heart was bigger than this planet could hold and nothing could stop her. Lena believed in those odds, her money and her own heart betting on Supergirl and Kara Danvers every time.

In the glass window of her office, something caught her eye and she saw her office door opening in the reflection. She turned and spoke.

“There you are..oh..Alana..sorry, I was expecting Jess.”

The shorter woman walked in and nodded.

“I sent her home for the night. I told her you had called and said you wouldn’t be coming in after all, that you had your hands full with Kara Danvers for the night.”

Lena’s brows raised as her auxiliary assistant opened the door wider for two men to enter. It didn’t take too much for Lena to put two and two together. Sometimes a person’s loyalty was negotiable, that there was always a naming price. She made a mental note to fire any more of children of Lilian’s old board member friends on her staff when all was said and done. She had no patience for traitors. The two henchmen moved closer before Alana spoke again.

“Your mother sends her regards, by the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/600mOX_kp8s


	21. Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE215 - 'Exodus'. Canonish, with great liberties and justice for all.

There is both a comfort and a reward in something solid, in something that has mass when hands come into contact. This thing exists, it is not an idea or a feeling or a mystery, it is real and present and here. It also means that something with mass can be influenced by something with force. Newton comes in handy: The net force on an object is equal to the mass of the object multiplied by the acceleration of the object. So it would be easy to reduce two minutes down to an equation and explain simply that Supergirl applied the right amount of force to stop a massive space frigate accelerating at an ever increasing rate. It would be easy to calculate the Newtonian force Supergirl needed to accomplish this feat. It would be easy to say it was easy.

But how would one quantify the force of a heart that has lost so much and wishes to lose no more? What is the measure of an organ born to hold more than can be calculated, a heart meant to feel more than an equation can predict? When Kara’s hands first met the frigate as it climbed, she felt the mass in her shoulders and the mass in return felt her force, shuddering it throughout the its steel casing. More importantly, Kara found Alex after frantic comms from the DEO as she sped to the abandoned Luthor naval facility. The frigate was gaining speed, the path was clear, Alex and the aliens on board would be propelled into space and lost in two minutes.

Oh, there had been defensive mechanisms, torpedic missiles that blasted against her twice and caused her comms to go silent. But Kara’s main enemy was mass and acceleration and time. When her hands hit steel, she began applying force while her heart beat on, Alex mere feet away trapped inside. Kara looked at her as she strained against the massive ship and watched her nod and say a word she could read through the glass.

“Go..”

Kara nodded back and pushed against steel, her cape wildly cracking with the velocity of thinning air. Though she couldn’t hear it over the din of rushing air and adrenaline, she watched Alex say something in the ship’s cabin as her sister caught her eye.

“It’s up to her now.”

Kara’s brows came together as she strained and focused, as the acceleration and the mass continued while the force she applied had little effect. It was dark, high up in the atmosphere, above the clouds now. Once again, she felt herself almost touching the invisible ink between the earth, the place she called home, and infinity. Nothing was slowing down, nothing was stopping, mass continued onward and upward. For a moment, a brief moment that she was sure showed, Kara doubted and it was the loneliest feeling in the world. It scared her more than she could even imagine. She shook her head as fear gripped her heart.

“Come on..”

Alex mouthed the words and nodded her head and Kara strained, every single muscle and fiber in her body, in the body that was fueled by the sun in ways that were super, began to wear down. She tried not to let her eyes show how terrified she was that her force, that Kara’s Kryptonian physical force, was not going to be enough this time, that uncontrollable loss was going to overpower her again. Alex knew her better than anyone alive and Alex knew she would need more than the tangible to do this, more than the physical. Kara watched Alex’s hand press against the glass separating them, slapping at it for contact and so Kara reached out as she had so many other times in the past to the only one who could make her even stronger.

“You can do this!”

In that liminal space between saving her sister and losing her, Kara let herself unlock and release the brightness coming from between her ribs. She would not lose her heart again. As the wind whipped her hair and her cape and her body, Kara screamed into the cold, deafening void and her hands kept pushing against the frigate before she felt a minute slowing under her palms.

“You got this!”

She locked eyes with Alex as her sister nodded and believed in the impossible. Kara dug deep, releasing everything inside of her and focusing it forward, screaming again as her heart multiplied her force exponentially and the frigate began to strain against her, fusion engines becoming no match for a superhero. She needed one last push, one last burst before time became her infinite enemy. She yelled into the darkness, willing herself when her limit felt too close within reach.

“Come on, come on!”

As she pushed back, she started to feel real resistance, started to feel that she was overcoming as the engines started backfiring, slowing. Alex felt it too and she looked at Kara and nodded.

“Okay..”

Kara kept pushing until felt the frigate stop, felt it finally succumb to Kara and her heart and the fight she would put up against losing her family on this planet. The impossible became possible and it took everything Kara had before she slumped to hood of the ship, gasping for deep breaths in the thinned oxygen and from the fear. Alex looked at her and smiled, reaching her hand to the glass once more and all Kara could do was reach for the contact, blinking with relief before closing her eyes at the thought of how close they had come. It would be easy to talk about how hard this had been and it would be hard to describe how much of this was because of Kara’s special, special heart.

***

Alex commandeered the controls of the frigate and with Winn’s help landed it back to the abandoned naval facility launchpad, now teaming with DEO agents and NCPD officers. Kara kept a close eye and helped nudge the ship as needed as she flew at its side. When it was safely on the ground, Kara landed with a little more force than she wanted as her boots skidded on the pavement and she fell briefly to her knees, taking a moment to put her hands on the ground, on something solid.

“Supergirl..”

Maggie Sawyer had been watching the landing closely and quickly went to Kara’s side as her eyes scanned the huge ship and waited for its cargo bay door to open. Kara lifted her head and smiled when she felt Maggie’s hand on her shoulder.

“It’s okay, just misjudged the landing there.”

Maggie looked at her concerned, having heard only the briefest of info from Director Henshaw’s phone call when the DEO deployed. She was afraid to ask how close this one had been. Kara shook the hair out of her face and stood, running a hand once to get a few stray strands out of her eyes. They both turned when they heard a voice call out.

“Kara!”

And at that, Alex ran over and her arms went first around Kara, closing her eyes and hugging her hard before pulling Maggie into the sister sandwich. Kara smiled over Alex’s shoulder and took a deep breath, her entire body feeling drained. When Alex finally released them both, Maggie kept her arm around the agent’s waist, not wanting to let her go. Alex held Kara’s eyes and nodded, neither one of them having to say a word about what had happened.

“How you doing?”

Alex put her hand on Kara’s arm, checking in with her sister and knowing that it had taken a great deal out of her, had pushed her way beyond her limits such that Kara likely needed her sunbed to recharge. She watched as Kara put her hands on her hips, turning back to the naval facility to observe the investigation.

“I’m fine. Did they find Jeremiah or Lillian?”

Alex could tell Kara wasn’t being entirely truthful about how she was feeling, but she let it go as Maggie shook her head ruefully.

“Nope, they were all gone by the time we got here, looks like they left in a hot second once you blew it to bits. Dramatic exit, Danvers. I like it. Don’t do it again without me.”

Maggie gave a small smile up at Alex as they watched the captive aliens escorted off the ship and moved to a staging area to do vital checks and reunite with family. Alex’s eyes caught Kara’s as she turned back to them, her brow raising a little.

“Kara, how did you know where to find me?”

Kara was quiet before she answered, trying to find a way to tell her sister what she knew would be hard to explain.

“I knew because Jeremiah helped Lena, he gave her information about this place. Then Lena helped me find you. Alex, I know you don’t trust her, but..”

Alex held up her hand and shook her head, her eyes softening at Kara.

“Kara..Jeremiah turned on Lillian, right before I got on the ship, and he was helping me. He helped me. There is still good in his heart, I know it and I saw it.”

Relief settled over Kara as she listened and realized that there was something solid for Alex to hold on to, that underneath the damage that Cadmus had inflicted on him, Jeremiah was doing his best to fight. Alex came a little closer to Kara and nodded, her voice steady.

“If Lena helped you find Cadmus and Jeremiah was a part of that, then that’s enough for me. You believe in her and I trust you, Kara. With my life. And with who you choose to let into yours.”

A soft smile crossed Kara’s lips and she nodded before taking a deep, shaky breath. She spoke quietly, her voice unsteady as the toll from the ship encounter began to take its affect on her.

“I can’t do this without you..”

Alex shook her head and put her arms around her in a tight hug, softly murmuring against her sister’s hair.

“You don’t have to, Kara.”

They stood like that as the crime scene hustled around them and the sudden realization that they had almost lost each other settled in their bones. They were simply better together and there was no way either once was going to let the other go without a fight. It’s what made the Danver’s sisters strong and unstoppable as a force in this world.

Maggie smiled at both of them, glad they were safe and glad they had worked through their disagreement about Lena Luthor. She took out her cell phone, about to send a text to her new friend across town letting her know all was good when she saw a voice text on her screen.

“Hey, I hate to break up the love here, but there’s a certain CEO who has been blowing up my phone worried about you, Kara. She left a voice text a few minutes ago.”

Alex and Kara broke apart from their hug and Kara’s looked down before a smile crossed her lips and she came close to Maggie. They listened as the detective pressed play.

_“..oh..Alana..sorry, I was expecting Jess...I sent her home for the night. I told her you had called and said you wouldn’t be coming in after all, that you had your hands full with Kara Danvers for the night..Your mother sends her regards, by the way.”_

They all looked up startled at the unfamiliar voice and Kara’s eyes went wide. Before Alex and Maggie even had a chance to say anything, they felt the earth under their feet rock a little and Kara shot up into the night sky in a blink, speed and acceleration splitting the air above them.

***

Lena Luthor was a woman who had learned, the hard way, to take care of herself and to be prepared for an attack at all times. It was no way to live as a child, in constant fear of what someone else would do to you, and as Lena got older and wiser to the ways of the world, she made sure she could handle herself equally well with a weapon or with words. She naturally thought quickly on her feet and she had learned to use her whatever she had at her disposal to play offense or defense, any side of the board she was dealt. Now, high above National City, she wondered if any of that mattered anymore.

The feeling of falling, literally, was equal parts terrifying and liberating in a way she would have never guessed. Time stood still and the world passed at blur as Lena Luthor plummeted from her balcony at L-Corp. Two of her mother’s hired muscle had come towards her, one of them smiling, sinister in words and intent. _We just got word that Cadmus got the best of your other girlfriend, Supergirl. Blew her right out of the sky_. Lena had stumbled back a bit at the words, surprised by the only thing that could throw her off her game. With the men approaching, Lena felt herself go over the railing before she could even say anything.

The rush of air, the blurry weightlessness that felt like a river, the dark night and the thought of how it would suddenly and quickly go black filled Lena’s head. She tried not to focus on that, tried not to imagine how it might feel to no longer be. It seemed unfair, to lose everything at the same time she had realized exactly what she wanted: Kara Danvers. It seemed unfair to finally be free without the chance to truly feel what that meant. Time stood still and rushed by all at the same time and Lena let herself drift, arms out wide, to another time, another place. She was in London, on a bright sunny morning, sharing coffee, sharing breakfast. She was in London looking into the bluest eyes, the warmest smile, the softest person. Lena fell and closed her eyes, letting go, releasing the lock, freeing herself. She exhaled a single word from her lips as she descended.

“Kara…”

***

Kara’s heart beat with palpable fear, especially when she felt her own body slowing. It was as if the air was exerting some force against her and she could not fly fast enough to catch up to a feeling she had between her ribs. She rocketed carelessly through National City, weaving among skyscrapers, skimming past bridges and knocking paint off with her shoulder, and dodging monuments more or less. She knew time was once again her enemy, she had a sense that it was running out but not why. All she knew was that she needed to get to Lena Luthor. Now. She pushed herself to her limit and as she rounded L-Corp from the north, she heard a faint word, her name on the wind falling and falling and falling and falling.

For a brief moment, time stood still and rushed forward all at once like an ocean wave about to crash on the shore. Kara squinted and saw a figure that appeared to be floating, arms stretched out wide, dark hair wild in the night. She reached inside and channeled the spark between her ribs, fueled by the sun and stars, and plunged low until she was almost hitting the pavement, her own arms outstretched and scooping, reaching out, holding on.

With a warm body securely in her arms, with Lena Luthor mere feet from the ground, Kara blindly flew upward and away from the hard earth, from concrete and asphalt and everything that could damage a human body. She could hear Lena’s heart beating and felt her eyes on Kara, she could feel the body in her arms relax and Lena’s head tuck into her neck as if this were routine, as if this was how they flew now. All Kara could do was focus on getting somewhere safe, her body shaking at the strain and dwindling reserve of power. With one last push, Kara flew to where her body guided her like a familiar drive home and pushed open her own window, its hinges creaking. She got them as far as her couch, dropping Lena as gently as she could before she fell to her knees on the floor in front of it, her strength giving out altogether as if a light switch had been turned off.

All Kara could do was throw her arm over Lena’s thighs, her cheek pressed flat against the couch cushion as she drew in deep breaths. Her body thrummed from the strain she had endured from fighting the ship and from breaking the sound barrier to catch Lena and from the fact that she had nearly lost two of the most important people in her life right now. It felt a lot like shock and her hands shook against the warmth of Lena’s body and Kara closed her eyes at the images that replayed in her head of her worst fears coming true tonight.

“Hey...hey…Kara..”

Lena let her own unsteady hands go to the woman in front of her, one hand in Kara’s hair while the other pushed her own out of her face. She took a deep breath in and slowly blew it out, trying to center herself after the fall. Her ears were still full of the rush of air and the blood that had been flowing weightlessly in her body like a river. Her black dress was opened at the collar down the middle of her chest from the wind, her heels long lost, her hair loosened from the bun and now a tangle of dark lengths. She pushed the hair out of Kara’s eyes and let her hand keep combing through it, trying to ground herself in the moment and not in the near miss. While she had seen her share of danger, this was way too close, too close to everything going black and never again seeing the blue eyes that now looked up at her. She could see Kara was on the edge and all she wanted to do was feel something solid, something real. She looked down at the superhero, her eyes holding Kara’s steady as she murmured over and over again.

“It’s okay...it’s all okay...it’s okay..it’s okay..”

She felt like the more she said it, the more it took away that feeling of falling over an abyss full of black and never coming back. Lena felt Kara’s other arm reach out until she was hugging Lena’s legs, her face moving until it pressed against the black dress at Lena’s thigh. Blue eyes just kept looking at her, as if trying to memorize her face, as if Kara never wanted to let go. Lena felt warm breath as she moved both of her hands through Kara’s hair until the quietest, smallest voice came from the woman who could do super things, who could do amazing impossible things.

“I almost lost you..I almost lost Alex..and I can’t lose anyone else..not again..”

Lena closed her eyes and shook her head before she found Kara’s again. She made sure her words had weight, were real, were true.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kara...I’m right here.”

She took a deep breath and wanted nothing more than something solid for both of them, something that made it all feel real and whole and here. Lena sunk into the couch and pulled Kara with her, helping bring the superhero up from the floor until she could feel Kara’s weight settle on her. She wrapped her arms around her, hands sliding under a red cape and against Kara’s back, still feeling the shaky breaths coming. Lena burrowed her face up into Kara’s neck and found her ear, her eyes closing against the thought of infinite blackness.

“Just stay here, please Kara...cover me up...hold me down…keep me from falling away..”

Kara closed her eyes and tried to block out a speeding ship and a close call, wanting nothing more than to get lost in the woman under her. She inhaled jasmine and night air and Lena Luthor, unable to keep her mouth from opening against the skin where Lena’s neck met her shoulder. Kara tasted and pressed her lips and inhaled and exhaled, her own body softened by the loss of most of her powers, softened by the way Lena’s hands moved over her back and pulled her in. Kara’s body was also becoming more attuned to the way Lena moved under her, legs shifting apart to accommodate her body. Kara’s hand shakily reached down and found warm skin, pushing Lena’s black dress up her thigh. All she wanted was something solid and soft under her hands to forget the hard steel and thin air from earlier. Kara lifted her head up just a little, dizzy from it all, from the feelings that swirled inside and around her until she found Lena’s eyes, her voice full of emotion.

“I need..so much, Lena..I can’t lose you again..”

Lena reached up and pulled Kara mouth down to hers, opening herself to Kara’s lips and her tongue and the way she tasted like stars and a sunrise. She pressed her body up when she felt Kara’s hand move against the outside of her thigh, sure she felt sparks on the superhero’s fingertips. Kara kissed her softly at first until she couldn’t anymore, until the thought of loss drove her to want the entire world, to break everything open and devour as if it were her last meal. Lena let her body simply respond, follow where Kara was going. Her own hands had ideas as well, unable to stop from moving down and finding Kara’s hips to pull down and against her. She felt Kara’s weight shift under her hands, moving in a slow rhythm as they deepened the kiss until she heard her own name against her lips.

“Lena…”

Lena broke free briefly until their faces hovered mere inches apart, her hands moving up to the sides of Kara’s face, feeling heat, until blue eyes opened. With a curtain of blond hair around her face, Lena softened her words to a whisper and let her eyes tell Kara what she wanted to hear.

“You can have everything, Kara...anything you want…”

Kara breathed in, heavily, and her hands wanted so much, her mouth wanted just as much if not more. She could feel the warmth glowing between her ribs, could feel the way her fingers vibrated against the woman under her, she could see so far into the future it felt like the past and the present in one moment. Kara Zor-El came to this earth and became a superhero, did the impossible, sacrificed because it was the right thing to do. And still, the threat of losing it all in the blink of an eye would always remain. Loving humans meant one day losing them, but that day wasn’t today, that day wasn’t now. Kara leaned down and pressed her lips and teeth against the soft skin between Lena’s breasts, where her dress was open and where she could see forever and could hear a heart beating out a pattern just for her.

What if all she wanted, right now, was Lena Luthor and nothing else, what if she needed Lena Luthor so much it scared her? Kara’s head was swimming into the night and into the space between want and need and must have. Lena’s fingers went under her chin to pull her eyes back up, to connect, to be present in the moment. Kara’s eyes darkened at the look Lena was giving her, open and soft and granting permission. It made her hand grip Lena’s thigh a little harder and made her spark catch fire in a way that made Kara feel like a supernova.

“I want you, Lena...all of you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/OXBJnqn4l1s


	22. Nightswimming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE218 - 'Ace Reporter': Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

Once, years ago, when everything was still new, when it felt like the night would go on forever, Kara walked along the ocean with a moon so bright she watched her own shadow dance in the sand. Everything was blue-black and the waves kept her company, a retreat from the Danvers family rituals she was still learning, trying to figure out her place in their house and in their world. So the sand and the shore and the waves and the bright forever drum of the moon gave her time to breathe, time to be a girl from another planet slowly evolving into a woman on earth. 

Each step she took with feet sinking into the wet sand brought her closer to knowing herself, knowing who she was here as a once-stranger in a strange land. Kara was so far away from everyone that could have told her story, held her history, knew her joy. It could have been lonely, but it was far from it, it was the feeling of being alive, of being Kara Zor-El, in this moment, here, without holding on too tightly to the past. As the waves splashed against her ankles, Kara stopped and smiled, her hands quickly stripping out of what she was wearing until she stood in the night light and dove into the warm ocean. Floating weightlessly, Kara never felt more free, more alive, more of who she was becoming than that night, stripped of the burdens of this earth. Swimming in the ocean at night became one of her favorite things, right behind flying.

Now, as Kara leaned against the doorway, the low lights of her bedroom threw shadows on the wall and she took a breath at the darkness on the edge of her bed, pulling her further out like the tide. _ Dark attracts light _ . Kara tried not to feel self-conscious now that Supergirl was stripped away and she wore only a soft old t-shirt that skated along the tops of her thighs. Lena Luthor sat quietly on the edge of the bed, leaning back against her hands with legs crossed, her hair still wild from the night, black dress standing out in relief against Kara’s pale pink sheets. The ocean felt so close right now, the waves crashing in Kara’s ears before everything was quiet again and all she heard was Lena’s low voice saying her name.

“Kara…”

_ It had taken whatever remaining power Kara had to pull herself from the couch earlier, to pull herself away from Lena Luthor’s hands holding her close, to pull them towards her bedroom. Blood was thrumming through her body and she still didn’t trust her hands to be gentle enough, not yet. She wanted the world, but also wanted it to be perfect and without any pretenses of a superhero, she wanted a feeling as close to weightlessness and the ocean so if Lena looked at her, she would only see Kara Zor-El and not a cape. _

_ And so she had led Lena, barefooted and flushing red along the columns of her neck, from the couch and into her private space. Seeing her now framed dark against her sheets made Kara thankful for the few minutes she took to herself behind a closed door. She had looked into the mirror of her bathroom and saw her own reflection looking back, cheeks warmed red, hair in tangles around her shoulders, a letter across her chest in blues and reds and golds, and eyes burning with thoughts of the woman on the other side of the door. She had to smile, just a little, out of nerves, out of her own want so clear on her face, out of the turn of events from this morning to this evening. And it occurred to Kara, in that moment as she smiled back at herself, that she saw a glow just under her skin and that what she was feeling was happy. She was happy! _

In the doorway now, Kara blushed at the sound of her name on Lena’s lips and the look in her eyes. Being happy was one thing, being prepared for the full attention of Lena Luthor lounging on her bed like a panther was quite another. Lena sat forward and reached her hand out, Kara’s head dipping down before she smiled back and walked over, her fingers tingling as they touched against the warm skin of Lena’s palm. She was pulled again into Lena’s orbit and felt herself swimming further out. Kara let a soft word fall into that space.

“Hi…”

Lena laughed softly as her hands landed on Kara’s hips and she looked up with a smile that was equal parts amused and sultry.

“Hello you...”

Kara took a breath and smiled back, her hands starting to vibrate, well aware that golden light was glowing out all around her and unable to do anything about it. Not that she wanted to. Kara wanted Lena to see her, completely, wanted her to know who she was and not hide anything from her. Lena’s hands moved along the outside of her thighs, nails skimming bare skin, and she watched a favored brow raise as Lena’s words drifting up to her.

“I feel a little over-dressed, I must admit, Kara.”

Kara laughed softly as she found Lena’s shoulders, letting her forearms rest gently against the other woman.

“Lena, you’re in an amazing dress and I’m in...this..”

Lena’s hands moved up and drifted across Kara’s lower back and down along curves over boyshorts.

“Well, this is pretty amazing too, I have to say.”

Kara laughed and she really couldn’t help herself from leaning down and placing her lips on Lena’s eyebrow, letting her tongue taste because why not, she was happy and if Lena was the ocean, she was going to dive right into it per the sage advice of a certain long-lost publishing icon.

“Wow, I’ve been wanting to do that for.. awhile now....that eyebrow should be illegal, Lena. How do you even make it do what it does?”

Lena laughed, her hands drifting down the back of Kara’s thighs, nails lightly dragging. She turned her head and her lips found Kara’s wrist before she murmured.

“Superpowers. I’ve got several I’ve been keeping secret.”

Kara chuckled until she felt Lena’s mouth against the palm of her hand and Lena’s eyes caught hers. She took a breath and moved her hand over Lena’s mouth when she felt warm lips kissing over the swirls in her palm and her fingers twitched when Lena’s tongue ran between them. Kara could worry about her hands all night, what damage they could inflict if she wasn’t cautious even in her weakened state, what she was capable of if she wasn’t careful. Yes, she could worry. But as she watched Lena close her eyes and gently kiss each of her fingertips, Kara thought instead of the ways her hands could make Lena Luthor happy.

“Lena…”

Kara moved closer as Lena pulled her in until she felt Lena’s thighs press against one of her legs, holding her. Everywhere their skin came into contact, Kara could feel it prickle with potential. For a moment, she could hear the ocean, far in the distance, because that’s where her mind went until Lena’s soft word drifted up to her and smoky green eyes darkened.

“Yes..”

Kara reached out and moved her hands through Lena’s hair, smoothing dark tangles around her face before just the tips of her fingers fluttered over sculpted brows and jawline and soft skin. Because she could, Kara took the time to study Lena’s face like a work of art and because Lena let her with a smile, she could trace along lips with her thumb, could dive into green eyes while threading through dark hair at each temple. Because there was time, Kara could trail her fingers down the long column of Lena’s neck, could smile when she skimmed over and back across a beauty mark in the center, could take a deep breath when she felt Lena swallow under her fingers and felt the beat of her heart just under warm skin. Because she wanted, Kara let her eyes look further than where her hands stopped and she soaked in the woman in front of her in ways that were closer, more intimate, more visceral. Lena smiled up at her and that was all it took, really, to decide that yes, she was happy but she was also something else. Kara Zor-El was falling in love, hopelessly maybe, deeply probably, certainly yes.

_ “You can have everything, Kara…anything you want..” _

_ Lena had said these words in a whisper when she was held down by Supergirl, covered by Kara Danvers, so close to the woman who she had come to know as having so many sides to her, so complex that figuring out exactly why she loved Kara in the way she did was possibly impossible.  _

_ Here was a secret, here is something she told no one: Lena was fundamentally someone who had hope. That might sound silly, in light of where she came from and who she was now, but the fact of the matter was that Lena truly believed in the good of people, for better or for worse. Unfortunately, because she was who she was, a Luthor in name only, it had turned out mostly for the worse. But that didn’t change the fact that Lena still opened her heart time and time again in hopes that it was the right choice. Lena knew love existed, had felt it in the past with an old colleague she still felt fondly for despite the fact they had not worked out. There were a few others, too, Lena was not immune to knowing what love was and wanting it. _

_ “I want you, Lena...all of you…” _

_ So what made Kara Danvers different, special? Many things of course, many obvious things. Why was she willing to try again, to put her hope into with a woman who had so much to give to others, had a calling that put her at risk every day? Lena was hopeful, but she also carried the weight of the wary. And then Kara had placed her hands on hers in a restaurant and she felt a song on her skin. And then Kara had looked at her and told her she couldn’t lose anyone again, couldn’t lose her and Lena believed it. And then Kara kissed her so deeply she could taste another world of possibilities and that was it. Lena didn’t do well when she was forced to not feel what she was feeling, when her mother and family made it impossible to care without regret or regard for the consequences. And then there was Kara so close above her, pulling her up, her hand so warm and her blue eyes reminding her of London and the sky. She fell in love with Kara because how could she not? _

_ As Lena waited for Kara to unbecome from the superhero she was into something softer, she pulled the collar of her dress together for some semblance of modesty and leaned back on the bed, her hands sliding across pink sheets that brought a smile to her lips. They were the color of peonies in the springtime and Lena had to shake her head a little at the contrast she brought to Kara’s bedroom. She was a dark figure in that bed of flowers, her hair tangled from the fall, her black dress of the business day feeling a bit out of place among the soft colors and things in Kara’s room. Her eyes took in her surroundings and she noticed everything, putting the pieces together of a woman who led many lives but here pulled them all together.  _

_ When the door opened, Lena couldn’t help but breathe in deeply as Kara came out and leaned against the doorway wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt and her hair still long and swirled around her shoulders. No glasses, no cape, no vestiges of a reporter or a superhero, just Kara and the way she glowed golden that made Lena say her name in wonder. Lena drank in the sight and wanted more.  _

_ Light attracts dark. _

Lena kept Kara close with her hands, not wanting to let go just in case the woman standing in front of her would fly away suddenly, would disappear into the night. Kara had been touching her so gently she wondered if it might be a dream, if this was what stardust felt like. Kara’s eyes on her felt like a trail of heated air on her skin everywhere she looked, affecting the beat of her heart and raising blood to the surface when she felt warmth settle across and between her breasts. She could feel Kara’s hands hesitating along her neck but saw and felt where her eyes wandered and stayed. Lena ducked her head a little to catch Kara’s gaze and smiled at red blushing along Kara’s neck and cheeks. 

“See something you like?”

Lena watched Kara take a breath as she looked back at her and and nodded. 

“I like everything I see, Lena. I always have..”

Kara’s eyes moved back to where they had been and Lena smiled softly, taking Kara’s hands, pulling herself up from the bed and turning around slowly. She could feel Kara’s eyes roam down her back and Lena was really liked knowing where Kara looked at her just from the warmth that came with it. It was an unexpected side effect of the girl who fell from the stars and it would explain so much about those early days, when they had just met and began their friendship. She had felt warmth when Kara looked at her back then and it had been real. Lena gazed across the bed colored of peonies and wanted to shed her own darkness and fall into all that softness with Kara. She reached up and touched the back of her neck where a zipper lay, looking her shoulder and finding Kara’s eyes.

“Will you?”

Lena felt Kara’s body come closer, felt heat press against her wherever their bodies touched and where one of Kara’s arms came around her, palm settling against her stomach. She sucked in a breath when she felt Kara’s lips on the back of her neck and for a moment, wanted nothing but that feeling. The scent of fresh linen and the stars and Kara filled her head and she reached an arm around to pull Kara to her tighter, her knees a little weak as Kara swept the hair away from her neck for better access. Warm breath and words came against her ear as the zipper moved down her back.

“Remember when I told you that you scared me, Lena?”

Lena closed her eyes and leaned her head to the side, feeling Kara’s fingers skimming down along her spine, skipping over each ridge, and their bodies starting to sway together without trying.

“Yes.”

“I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not scared of what you do to me, how you make me want to set you free.”

Lena felt her dress pushed off of one shoulder and Kara’s mouth replacing it, teeth coming out against her skin gently and she gasped. Lena wanted all the time in the world right now to find all the surprising curves and angles of Kara Danvers, the ways in which she was unexpected, gentle yet strong, soft yet hungry, giving and taking at all the right times. Fleeting thoughts of Vienna made Lena turn around in Kara’s arms, wanting Kara’s eyes on hers until it became too much. Lena shrugged out of her dress and let it fall to the floor, her body now warmed all over. Kara’s eyes devoured her skin while her hands resisted traveling over black bra, black lace. Lena smiled again, this time in a way that matched the heat coming from Kara.

“Then set me free, Kara.”

_ The ocean was unpredictable at night, warm and swaying one minute and pounding surf the next. Kara had learned when to swim with the tide and when to drift and the way the water changed the moon’s light to ripples multiplied across its massive surface. She could see the stars well with her head just bobbing above the surface, the beach further from her sight. She could dive under and hold her breath, feeling gravity pull her down and then up, her body and its powers an equal match to the power of the ocean. This wasn’t drowning, this was living and Kara Zor-El wanted everything this whole world had to give. _

_ Kara couldn’t help herself, really, because her eyes and her hands and her body all wanted the same thing and that was Lena Luthor. There was no more denying that, no use in trying to fight it, it wasn’t a secret and Kara lived in a world where Lena was an ocean of darkness that pulled her in. She wasn’t surprised when Lena learned that some of what made Kara special here on earth, her powers and the glow under her skin, could be felt in ways she couldn’t hide anymore. She couldn’t help it that when she looked at something, someone she wanted, a trace of warm light touched that object, that person.  _

_ And so when Lena had turned and asked her to unzip her dress, Kara couldn’t hide where her eyes fell and when she felt how Lena pressed back against her, encouraged their hips to sway, it made Kara want in ways that were unfamiliar yet not. That was the power Lena Luthor now had over her, to drive her mouth and her hands and her body and her eyes to devour or break or take or give, anything that Lena wanted. Lena brought things to the surface that were always there, but kept at a distance. Kara already knew the toll it took to keep certain things, certain thoughts hidden and she didn’t want that to happen again. When Lena turned in her arms and her dress fell away, Kara felt that familiar struggle between worrying what her hands would do and what she wanted. And then Lena caught her eye and looked at her in a way that made the choice easy. _

_ “Then set me free, Kara.” _

Kara’s eyes darkened to the blue of night and her hands went to the sides of Lena’s face, her mouth falling into and against the other woman in a kiss that was rough and wet and deep. Lena followed, her own lips encouraging, pushing Kara to kiss her more, harder. The taste of sweet tea and the ocean and Lena filled her senses and Kara reached her arms around bare skin, feeling her hands vibrate against all that softness. Somewhere in the middle of that kiss, Lena’s hands found her shirt and impatiently pulled it up until all Kara could do was help her pull it off and throw it across the room. When Lena’s hands went into her hair and she heard low sounds urging her on, Kara easily picked Lena up, renewed now in strength by other means, and they fell together back into her bed, never breaking contact. Lena’s hands were now the dangerous ones, sliding down her bare back and pulling her in, finding her hips and making space for Kara to fit between her own. What Lena was doing with her mouth, the noises she was making, the way she was kissing her and moving under her and what her hands were doing on Kara’s curves was maddening. Kara broke free and when Lena whimpered at the loss of contact, Kara inhaled a deep breath and grabbed Lena’s wrists, pushing them into the bed to steady herself.

They looked at each other, breathing deeply, their bodies touching, skin against skin in most places. Kara’s entire body was on fire from her ribs outward and the glow covered them both. Lena’s hair was a dark crown around her head against the pale pink sheets and the blush of red ran down her neck and further, Kara’s eyes blazing a path down and then back up. Held down, Lena softened the look in her eyes and slowed the movements of her hips and Kara closed her eyes briefly, a low growl somehow escaping the back of her throat before she opened them again. Lena’s voice was low and quiet, gentle.

“I’m not afraid of setting you free too, Kara. Is that what you want?”

Kara wanted everything in this moment and Lena was the only one who knew what that meant for someone like her, someone who could break a mountain and whose tender heart could be broken too easily. Kara wanted a safe place where she could be everything without feeling like all the parts of her, the parts that wanted and needed, didn’t fit. It reminded her of nightswimming in the ocean, years ago, and finally coming to terms with who she was here on earth. This was no different, it was just accepting another part of herself, the part of her heart that loved and wanted in ways that were complicated and uncontrollable when it came to Lena Luthor. Kara looked down into that sea of green, that darkness, and saw a safe place. It had always been there, between them, because Kara was who she was and Lena was who she was too. She just hadn’t trusted herself enough to trust Lena with that. So, did Kara want to be free? Is that what she wanted?   


“Yes…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/qczXWXNgRdU


	23. Untouchable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to/including SE218 - 'Ace Reporter': Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

There had always been something about the darkness of the night that felt different in the way that a hot bath after a cold rain makes water feel different. That is to say, the absence of light at midnight felt illuminating, liberating, revealing. Lena Luthor might love morning sunrises, but the darkness of night had always been her domain. When she was old enough, or rather, when she still very young but very determined, she would slip out of the too-large, too-cold Luthor mansion and roam the verdant grounds undetected. No one missed her because no one looked for her and she could be whoever she wanted at night in the gardens - a knight looking for the holy grail, an explorer on an old ship setting sail across the ocean, an astronaut bound for a new world alone, a sorceress with the power to enchant all who wandered into her garden, a shaman who could heal or call the dead to ask every question she ever had. Lena could be anything she wanted and the night gave her cover to dream, to think, to play, to love the sound of her own voice in the darkest hours. She picked the best parts, kept some darkness in a bottle, and left the rest behind. Even now, as she chased the pale pink oranges of dawn, the night always called her back.

“Yes..”

This was Kara’s response to her when Lena had asked her to choose, to follow Lena wherever that would take them. And there was something else about the darkest hours that pulled her towards Kara. Danger. The unspoken element that living in this world brought with each waking moment was always present in her early life, in her now, and she had learned to harness it, to live with it. So what was it about Kara Danvers that felt so dangerous?

Kara adjusted her body above Lena and she watched as Kara’s eyes went to her hands, the other woman’s brow furrowing before she let go of Lena, almost as if being burned.

“Lena...your wrists..I..”

Lena turned her head and lifted an arm, seeing red, seeing bruising begin where Kara had held her down. She felt Kara beginning to move off of her before she reached out, holding her in place. Lena looked into worried blue eyes and shook her head as she spoke quietly.

“Don’t you go anywhere, Kara. Stay right here with me.”

Kara’s voice was pained, her eyes stormy to match.

“But I’m..hurting you, Lena.”

Lena took one of Kara’s hands and brought it to her lips, just like before, only softer, more gentle.

“No, you’re holding me and I like that. A lot. I want..that.”

Lena kept Kara’s hand pressed against her lips and watched as Kara’s eyes searched hers.

“Your hands don’t scare me, Kara. I know what you can do. I know who you are.”

Kara closed her eyes and took a breath while Lena could feel each finger hum against her lips. When Kara looked back at her, Lena shifted her hips and kept her close. She held her gaze and didn’t waver when Kara spoke quietly.

“Lena, there’s a very fine line between who I am and what I can do. I don’t always trust myself. When I came here, I had to learn to control my powers the hard way.”

Lena watched as Kara brought her hand up and flexed it, sending a nearly invisible shower of sparks to fall on Lena’s shoulder. Kara then ran her finger over the mark she had left on Lena’s wrist, the slight sting of heat against the red. Lena took a breath at the feeling, so different than anything she had felt before and yet, so familiar. Her head swam a little, returning to a secret nighttime hiding place only she knew about. Kara’s soft voice and fingertip on her lip, so gentle she barely felt it, brought her back. Kara’s careful tenderness, too, pulled all the pieces together. Lena knew herself well enough by now to know the truth about what made her crave Kara - she was light and dark, soft and strong, fury and forgiveness in equal measure.

“I had to learn what the sun did to me and what it made me. I didn’t ask for these powers and it changed who I was when I was still figuring that out. I’m..better now..but I broke so many things, Lena. I break so many things. People included.”

Kara shifted and pushed the hair out of her face. Lena wondered about a young Kara and how that might have felt, to be a stranger here, to lose the first family she ever knew, to become something she never expected to be, when hurt became unintended and intended. How to learn to open a heart holding that kind of loss and expect to come out of it without well-hidden scars few would ever know or see? All of that felt so familiar. Lena pulled Kara’s hand back to her lips and dropped a soft kiss in her palm like an offering. Kara’s eyes found hers and held them.

“You think I’m safe, Lena, but I’m not sure I trust..my hands with you. You once said that I wear that symbol on my chest and everyone thinks I’m good. That..was hard to hear because it’s true but..people do expect things of me and I can’t always live up to that..”

Lena looked at her and knew this had been weighing on Kara and had felt it in fleeting moments together. Kara lived with the expectations of others, with what her body could do, and with her own wants and needs. That could be hard to reconcile, Lena knew this well too. So she spoke quietly, her eyes softening.

“There are no absolutes anywhere, Kara, nothing is black or white, all good or all bad. I know what it’s like to carry that and come to terms with what it means. I think you have a world inside of you few see. And I see someone who holds entire worlds on her shoulders, someone strong enough to do that. I also feel you asking to set it all down, for just a little bit, and be..human too...flawed, complicated.”

Kara nodded and she looked up at the ceiling before finding Lena’s face again.

“But I’ve also chosen a path now and I have to figure out how to be..with someone like you. That symbol I wear means stronger together..my family’s motto..and I feel split in so many ways sometimes. Everyone wants a different part of who I am...sister, friend, reporter. Perfect superhero.”

Kara ducked her head a bit before she found Lena’s eyes again.

“And I want to be someone who could share myself with you..in every way. But I still break things.”

Lena watched as Kara swallowed, following the movement of her neck. She understood expectations, she understood the pressure and ways to release it. In the muted darkness of the bedroom, the night was illuminated by Kara alone. The night sky was built for the stars to show themselves most clearly and Lena loved the darkness for that very reason.

“You can’t break what’s already broken, Kara.”

Kara’s brows came together as she shook her head and Lena felt fingers gently brush against her cheek.

“Oh Lena, you are not broken, you are smart and beautiful and thoughtful. I would never..”

Lena smiled and felt Kara’s fingers glide over that smile with a confused look on her face.

“You misunderstand, Kara. I am who I am because of how I chose to put myself back together. I chose what I wanted to keep and left behind anything that didn’t make me stronger, didn’t make me kinder. I also know what fills in the spaces between the cracks and I’m not ashamed of that. I chose to break open, to break free..not down or apart. Do you know what I mean?”

Kara looked at her quietly and considered her words before she leaned down and let her lips gently press against Lena’s, let them linger briefly, softly. Lena could feel the light spark, could feel the star upon her lips before Kara pulled back and whispered.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For the way you made such a work of art. For the way you fit each brilliant piece of you together into this amazing person.”

Lena leaned up and pressed her mouth against Kara’s neck, letting her tongue taste.

“I recall telling you that flattery will get you everywhere, Kara Danvers.”

She felt Kara quietly chuckle, her lips vibrating against the soft sound in Kara’s throat before Kara pulled back and looked at her. Lena felt and saw the gauzy gold haze just under the surface of the woman pressed into her. She had almost forgotten how they had come to this and how little clothes they had or did not have on until she felt Kara’s eyes warm a path down her neck and lower before settling back up into hers. Lena could get used to those eyes on her, everywhere.

“Ah, about Kara Danvers. When I’m with you Lena, it’s just me. Not Supergirl. Not Kara Danvers. Just me. My name..my given name.. is Kara Zor-El...”

Lena let the name roll from her tongue as her hands pulled Kara closer, shaking free a little of that glow from Kara and wanting the light to win for a moment.

“Kara Zor-El. It’s so very nice to meet you. Come here often?”

Kara laughed softly.

“I live here.”

“Well that’s lucky, isn’t it? Is this your bed?”

Kara looked around and scrunched her eyes down at Lena as she shook her head.

“No, never seen it before. These sheets? So not me.”

Lena chuckled before she used her hip to roll a willing Kara over until she was straddling the woman below her. With a quick sweep of her hands, she twisted her dark hair into a loose knot behind her to get most of it out of her face. She felt Kara’s eyes on her neck, her shoulders, before they paused on the expanse of her breasts still held by black lace and lower still. Lena smiled when Kara’s hands went to her thighs and she felt fingers grip and vibrate against her skin.

“On the contrary, these sheets are very much you. You look right at home in them, Kara.”

She watched Kara smile up at her, blond hair swirled all around her head and a whole bunch of exposed skin for Lena’s eyes to take in. Lena raised an eyebrow before she spoke and felt Kara’s fingers send a jolt through her thighs.

“May I?”

Kara just nodded at her and Lena let her hands reach out and touch against Kara’s shoulders, gentle, her eyes following as her fingers trailed down along arms and muscles that twitched at her touch. She lingered over forearms, over hands, and back up, smiling at Kara who watched her closely.

“Can I tell you how much I like these arms of yours?”

Kara smiled and Lena felt it sink into her. The view from above was as good as the view from below and it did nothing to keep Lena from letting her hands continue to wander as Kara’s words drifted up to her.

“You can. They like you back.”

Lena nodded before she became distracted by the flex in Kara’s abs, how muscles were smooth and finely tuned, how she wanted to watch the rise and fall of each breath Kara took like it was life or death. She watched intently as she ran her fingers over skin and saw the jump of the tiniest golden sparks up to meet the distance between her fingers and Kara. It was amazing and subtle and the stuff of Lena’s imagination, it was magic and the stars and everything unexplainable. The unknown, the unrevealed had always pulled at Lena, waiting to be explored, understood. Lena’s hands covered two curves and she took in a deep breath at the contact, at the way Kara warmed and hummed and responded under her palms. When her thumbs moved over and back lightly against hardened nipples, Lena felt Kara press up into her and breathe in deeply at the touch. Warmth from Kara’s eyes fell on Lena’s hands and then on her face before they turned the darker blue. She lowered her voice in the soft light of Kara’s bedroom, sheets and the quiet crowding out the rest of the world.

“Let me help put you back together again, Kara…”

Kara could only nod back at her and Lena inhaled when she felt Kara’s hands wander to her hips and pull her down, fingers pressing into her skin, bodies contacting at critical junctures. Lena leaned over, her hands finding purchase against the sheets on either side of Kara’s head and she took a moment to study the face of someone who made everything better and filled in the spaces between. She felt heat moving down her body to settle between her breasts, where she wanted it. Lena reached up to pull at a black strap on her shoulder while her lips found Kara’s to whisper against.

“May I?”

Kara’s eyes went back up to Lena’s face and the flush along Kara’s neck was golden red. With a shake of her head, Kara’s voice was quiet and her blue eyes darkened further.

“No. I will.”

Lena looked at Kara in just the right way and she could feel the response that came with it, a spark in Kara’s eyes and the way her body pressed up into her. When they were this close, face to face, skin against skin, every movement, every word, every look had a palpable effect on the other. Lena could see the push and pull of Kara’s want in ways large and small. She wanted that feeling unleashed on her, freed. Kara reached up and dragged her fingers across her shoulder, pulling a strap down along her arm and Lena felt Kara’s eyes follow. Kara’s other hand pushed down the strap on the other side and Lena felt the heat of Kara’s eyes where she spilled over, soft black fabric barely containing her. She whispered into the closeness between them.

“Can you feel this? Can you see what you do to me?”

Lena found Kara’s hand and pressed it against her chest, moved it over her beating heart. She felt Kara’s eyes trail over her skin again and smiled. The truth was that few had made Lena Luthor feel what she was feeling now and even so, Kara made it singular and new. She kept their hands there as Kara looked back up at her and whispered.

“Yes..and it makes me want to..”

Lena skimmed over Kara’s face, taking in the softness, the glow, the way she had been let in, just a bit, by Kara even if she couldn’t finish what she was saying. Lena moved Kara’s hand lower to her breast, watching and feeling Kara’s eyes following their hands and she let go when Kara slipped into black fabric. She closed her eyes for a moment when Kara’s other hand joined, reaching in for her until she felt heat and a roughened touch release her from the lace. A moment later, Kara’s fingers ripped apart the hooks behind her back until she was free. And then all she felt was heat on her skin and the jolts of it causing her nipples to harden before they were covered by Kara’s palms. The woman below her was silent, save for breaths, like the quiet before a storm.

“Kara..”

And Lena barely had time to catch her breath before Kara pulled her towards her mouth, hands still holding her breasts firmly. The feel of Kara’s mouth covering one of her nipples shot heat rocketing through her skin and further down and Lena’s head swam. When she opened her eyes and found Kara’s own closed reverently, lips wrapped around her, hands grasping roughly now, Lena’s hips pressed back down against Kara uncontrollably. Kara just wrapped one arm around Lena’s waist and held her pressed into her body while the other stayed put, keeping Lena in her mouth. All Lena could do was bow her head and watch as Kara moved her hips under her in a way that reminded her of an ocean wave, smooth and powerful under the surface. It was maddening and almost unbearable and when she shifted slightly, she heard a growl of protest and teeth against her nipple.

“Fuck. Kara, I’m not going anywhere, I promise..”

Her words just caused the woman under her to move her mouth to the other breast and pull Lena down on her further, blue eyes closed tight. Kara’s arms and hands kept her close and she couldn’t move anything except for her hips in time with Kara’s own. Her own breathing got away from her as they moved together and warmth of another kind settled between her legs and on her neck and cheeks. Even if she wanted to escape, she knew that was impossible. Instead, Lena sunk her hands into Kara’s hair and pulled her head closer as Lena’s eyes fell to the pale pink sheets of Kara’s bed and she listened to the noises Kara was making against her skin. What Lena could see and feel and hear was Kara getting lost in her, coming a little undone and the feeling was mutual. She should have known but could not have ever known what it was like to feel raw power and strength and want just under the surface bubbling up against her, threatening to spill out.

This feeling reminded her of one night, long ago, out in the Luthor family gardens, alone. She was ten. Lena stood under an old oak tree as she watched a storm rolling in, the sky lighting up all around her and the rain beginning to pelt down. It was amazing and scary and loud and raw like nothing she had ever experienced and the hair on the back of her neck stood up. In that moment, she knew what was coming even if she had never seen it before. The blinding light came first, the crack came next, and Lena ran faster than she had ever before in her young life. Her feet carried her and out of instinct, out of fear, she jumped over a hedge and rolled to the left just as the large limb crashed behind her back, narrowly missing her. After the shock wore off and the danger was gone, she lay on the dark wet ground as rain washed over her and watched the sky continue to burn above her in brilliant strikes. And it set her body on fire in a way she would never forget and would chase until this very moment. Tonight, with Kara lighting up below her, Lena felt the hair on the back of her neck stand and she shivered when Kara’s lips released her. When Lena felt heat on her breasts moving up her neck and to her face, she looked down and Kara’s eyes were flaming blue.

“Tell me to stop before I can’t, Lena…”

Lena looked down and softened her eyes, one hand going to Kara’s face and gently touching against heated skin before running over lips still moist. She pressed her lips against Kara’s so softly she could feel a million tiny sparks filling in the spaces between before she pulled back and looked deeply into a swirling blue ocean. She felt Kara’s arms loosen around her before Lena shook her head, pressed closer, and whispered.

“I don’t want you to stop, Kara. Let go with me...let me feel what you can do..”

Lena felt Kara’s hands vibrate against her back and felt them move along her curves, pushing thin fabric down just a bit as Kara inhaled deeply, pulling Lena close. Kara’s thigh shifted and pressed up against her and she bit her lip at the feeling, her eyes fluttering as Kara watched her. When that warmth became too much, Lena closed her eyes and thought of a thunderstorm while Kara’s low voice drifted up to her in the night.

“I can be what you need..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://youtu.be/nmt4MES9gyI


	24. Joyas Volardores

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up to SE218 - 'Ace Reporter': Canonish, with liberties and justice for all.

_Salvation_. (Noun). _Preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss_. Many things could be saved: lives in the nick of time, money for nothing, lucky belongings after a fire, the planet from its people, things valued and sentimental, old and tattered keepsakes to remember a face or a name long lost. But this was salvation of the deliverance kind, salvation that came with the lifting of weight, the laying down of burdens, the holding of space sacred and quiet, the delivering of plenty and abundance when scarcity etched a deep ache inside. Salvation can mean many things to many people but in the jet-black of the night, the singular experience of it in all its glory and measured in beats was a revelation.

Now, breathing was steady, everything was quiet, and it was so so dark right before dawn. Kara kept Lena close, strewn across her like a blanket in most places, an arm and leg resting over her. Dark hair was tucked under her chin and spilled across her chest. Her hands no longer shook but the glow just under her surface remained like a dim candle flickering and barely visible to the right eyes. She felt Lena shift and heard her voice before she felt it against her shoulder.

“You’re awake..”

“So are you…”

Kara felt Lena reach up and touch her face gently, her fingers whisper light.

“You’re crying..”

“Maybe a little..”

Kara kept her eyes closed as Lena pulled her closer, softly pressing lips against her neck and her cheek carefully, never breaking contact, taking away salt with the most gentle of kisses. Lena’s hand moved through the hair at her temple as she took a deep breath and heard _oh Kara_ spoken so softly against her skin she wondered if she imagined it, if she imagined the whole night.

_Kara felt herself falling and her body reacting to the feeling, looking for a way to ground herself against the things Lena said in her ear, the look Lena gave her, the way her own body responded, the way she could not get enough of soft skin under her fingertips and against her mouth until all Lena could say was ‘please’ over and over again. Kara’s ears rang with the word and as she held Lena up against the wall, she wasn’t sure she could keep them both on the ground, her bedroom floor feeling a mile away, the bed a distant memory of sheets in pale pink disarray. Kara’s own lips burned at the words that came out of her mouth, things she had never said but wanted, the way her eyes burned a path up and down Lena’s body and the way Lena urged her on with ‘please’s so quiet she had to pull Lena’s mouth to her ear and hold it there and all it did was make her hands shake harder until sparks flew and her mouth no longer could speak for fear of what it would drive her to do. The scent of jasmine and Lena filled her head, covered her hands and her face and it was almost too much, too much. When Lena grabbed her face and held her eyes, locked in the moment, breaths coming fast, Kara thought of a caged black panther about to be freed and she wanted those teeth in her neck in the worst way, in a way she could not explain, but all she could do was keep them both pressed against the wall and her hand searching for the secrets Lena held inside, coaxing them out. And she did feel teeth and lips against her own as Lena cried out and began collapsing into her, pressing her face into Kara’s shoulder, into her neck, gasping in the dark night, black hair in waves wild and clinging, legs wrapped around her waist as if Kara would ever let her fall again. And they stayed like that, suspended and touching, heat and breaths and relief sweeping over the woman in her arms and Kara felt the way Lena’s heart beat and heard it, heard blood moving through chambers, heard doors opening and closing with each beat and finally understood what it meant to be a human unchained and unburdened. We all churn inside. With every joy came a little sacrifice and Lena shushed her with kisses when Kara’s eyes fell to bruises and Lena shook her head and smiled when Kara’s fingers trembled over red marks she had left and Kara almost believed her, wanted to believe her when Lena pressed her lips against her ear and whispered ‘this is what I wanted, Kara’ and Kara closed her eyes when Lena pressed ‘thank you’ over and over again into her mouth and against Kara’s lips. Down it all comes in an instant and Kara could only lay them both back in sheets the color of peonies and stare into the darkness above her bed, above her apartment, above the city, above the earth and further out into distant galaxies._

“You okay?”

Lena shifted and propped herself up on an elbow until she could see Kara’s face in the darkness, blond hair in waves and waves on her pillow. She felt Kara’s eyes on her before she saw them, warmth still radiating from the body below her. Lena let her fingers trace over soft lips before she caught the last remnants of tears with the tip of her finger along a strong jawline.

“I am. But I can’t always be..that..way..with you.”

Lena felt the words float softly into the air and all she wanted to do was keep the woman below her safe, in whatever form that took, in whatever way she could. There was still burden, there was still weight, there was still time for salvation. Kara’s hands may have stopped shaking, but she could still feel their hesitation. _It’s expensive to fly._ Lena threaded her hand through hair and took a breath.

_Kara was so quiet after they fell back into bed and Lena wasn’t sure how to bridge the space between them. Her heart was still beating fast from the edge of the night and her body didn’t feel like her own anymore and it was hard to describe why that brought her peace, why something clicked when Kara pressed her hard into the wall and why all she wanted was more and more of being filled with something other than what she already had inside. Lena wanted some things displaced, some things erased and she could never find the words to tell someone like Kara what that meant or why. Someone like Kara. Someone like Lena. She had put all the pieces back together and how could she ever explain to Kara that there had never been someone strong enough to dismantle her in the way that she needed to keep everything together in the first place and the way Kara held her, the way the roughness of her hands replaced the empty space with feeling again felt like a rescue just like the way it broke her apart. She let Kara fill the cracks with the way her eyes burned into Lena and the words she pulled from a reluctant mouth. The hard wall against her back grounded her, Kara’s firm hands released her, Kara’s lips burned her and her teeth left marks on her shoulder, marks that she followed across her own body like a lifeline, like the way home when home was where the heart was and home was of her own making, safe in the arms of someone strong enough to deliver her from herself. Lena wasn’t sure Kara would ever understand that she was the answer to a question that had kept Lena up at night, in a dark garden full of shadows, in a dark bedroom alone, in a dark office when work and wine kept her company. Someone like Lena. Had been waiting for someone like Kara. All Lena thought and said was ‘thank you’ over and over again when the rest of what she wanted to say was ‘thank you for finding me and thank you for being who you are and thank you for doing this for me and thank you for wanting me despite how I feel inside and thank you for filling in all the cracks between who I am and who I want to be and thank you for making me feel again and thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…” And as they both lay tangled back into sheets, the cool night washing over their heated bodies, Lena wondered if her darkness was too much, whether it was contagious or infinite or something that could leak out and ruin others. So much is held in a heart in a lifetime._

“Kara, can I tell you something?”

“Please do..”

“When I was growing up, with the Luthors, we lived in this huge mansion. I thought it was the most amazing place I had ever seen and it had these gardens full of flowers and trees and hiding places. It was like The Secret Garden to me and no one ever really went outside there, it was mine. In the house, my mother...she wouldn’t let me touch a thing unless she gave permission. _That’s not for you, Lena. Those aren’t yours. Don’t touch that. That’s Lex’s._ And I..was somebody who liked to figure things out, I wanted to know everything, wanted to ask every question, explore the insides of everything and feel the way something worked with just my hands and my eyes and my head. You know how some children are…”

“....but I had to be so careful, always. If Lillian caught me, if she found out I took, say, an old family clock Lex gave me out in the garden, there would be..trouble. So I learned to keep secrets and keep the things I loved from her and eventually from them all, even Lex. When he..became someone unrecognizable to me..he used my love for someone, threatened her, to get me to build some of those things in that mountain vault meant to kill Superman..and that could have killed..you. Except he didn’t keep his word, even after all I did for him…"

Lena took a breath at the memory, the exact moment when he betrayed her for no reason except that she loved and so did he, in his own sick twisted way, and he wanted everyone to suffer because of it, even her. She felt Kara’s arms pull her down against her body and lips press against her forehead. Lena closed her eyes and kept going.

“I’ve lost a lot of people. And loss does strange things to my family. To me. And the only way I got through was to stop feeling, stop caring so Lillian or Lex or even my father wouldn’t use that against me, so they would think I was as empty as they were. So I found..I find safe places to go..in my mind..where no one can find me and I get to feel everything I have inside..and I have so much inside, Kara…”

Lena let her arm settle across Kara’s chest and felt the rise and fall, comforted by inhalation and exhalation, comforted by someone solid under her. She felt Kara’s hand rubbing gently against her back, could feel the warmth and the spark as a tangible thing, as something real and not something she had to imagine. Kara’s hands and eyes and body made her feel in ways that could not be denied, visible ways, ways that sunk in deep and found her underneath the bricks she used to hide behind in dark gardens at night. How would someone like Kara know that it took more to break through than to break apart and that the difference meant everything.

“I’m telling you this because..you..have become a place where I want to be. Where I know I’m safe..and where I can feel what I feel for you. Kara, I don’t want to hide my heart from you anymore even if it isn’t perfect or built right or wants in strange ways. I’ve put it back together the only way I know how and am hoping you..like it. I don’t need you to be..how you were..with me all the time. I just need..you, Kara Zor-El..”

She felt Kara take a breath while she held her own, while she opened the door and the windows and ran out into the grass, hands trailing over wildflowers and roses and through the gate covered in jasmine, tiny white flowers catching her eye as she ran faster to the oak tree and scrambled up high in the branches, all legs and long black hair and skinned knees until she was out of breath and Lena had to pull herself back when she felt blue eyes on her and the sunrise started to peek through the windows of Kara’s room and it felt warm and she actually felt it and it felt real and she had feelings..again.

“Lena…”

_Kara had been as quiet as a church mouse, afraid that if she said anything, if she made a noise Lena would flee and she realized her hands, the ones she was scared would hurt had done the opposite, had comforted, had saved and that delivering someone from ruin, from loss took many forms, took many shapes and the path to getting there had many doors, had many chambers, had secret gardens, had walls to climb. Someone like Kara was still learning how the human heart worked, was still learning how someone like Lena ticked. It may be different than how she found her own way, but they shared the same destination and her hesitation was not about giving Lena what she needed, Kara realized she needed parts of that too, but it was about coming to terms with what that meant for someone like Kara. And while she was thinking about this, she felt Lena shaking in her arms, from the chill or from something else and realized that she wanted nothing more than the softest cloud and the lightest weight and the gentlest touch to find her way to Lena again and she took in a deep breath when she felt Lena’s hand tremble when it touched her face and so she put her own over it and pressed it to her mouth just as Lena had to her and she let her lips spark against and around fingertips before she pushed Lena’s hand down her neck and over her body. Kara closed her eyes and knew that she was starting to glow golden in the sunrise and she felt Lena shift over her as Lena’s lips pressed against her own, gently requesting to be let in and so she agreed because it meant being who she was and wanting what she wanted, her Kryptonian heart shattering not apart, but open, free. And she smiled against Lena’s lips because she was happy, because she could feel happy and not doubt it or hide it and Kara inhaled the scent of jasmine when Lena’s dark hair covered her face before she felt lips and tongue move down her neck and further still and she let her hands thread into Lena’s hair as the journey continued. She wasn’t afraid of what came next, didn’t worry that her hands were too rough because she had learned to tame the clouds, remembered how to be nimble and gentle when she fell through silky wisps of puffy air on the cusp of spring. Kara stopped breathing altogether when she felt how soft Lena’s mouth on her could be, how gently she coaxed Kara to let go, how Lena knew how to deliver her from herself. The only thing she could say was Lena’s name over and over again in a quiet, desperate voice she barely recognized as her own and that only softened Lena’s lips, slowed her tongue, and encouraged fingers to gently reach inside of her to find answers and salvation and a distant star so far away and yet so close. Kara fell into the early morning in the way that she fell into bed every night, safe and home and now Lena was there and it didn’t feel like she she was drifting in space untethered, lost. And she didn’t care that she cried, again, because she could and because she was happy and because Lena helped put all of her pieces back together again and because Lena moved to cover her entire body before kissing all over her face, and she kept crying because she could tell that everywhere Lena’s body touched hers was singing and Lena could feel it because she smiled against her lips and she never wanted this feeling to end, because Kara Zor-El was in love with the heart Lena Luthor gave her with all its complex, kind, hidden beats_

Dawn turned into early morning, pale pinks transforming to reds and oranges and finally into yellows. Time stopped and moved forward just the same as it always had but at a different pace, a different beat. The sheets were tangled but cool, the light was just right, everything was quiet, everything was new. Lena felt Kara burrowed her face into the back of her neck and pull her closer, wrapping arms around her as if this was how they slept now, with Kara pressed against her back and face lost in a dark forest of wild hair.

_Superheros need saving too and someone like Lena knew a thing or two about saving others and saving herself and laying next to Kara, so so quiet, she thought she imagined the notes and the chorus she started to feel against her skin and honestly, it made her shiver at the immensity of it all, how a universe of stars could produce the right combination at the right time for it all to make sense. Lena had learned that the mysteries and questions of the cosmos often went unanswered in through science and logic and math and instead, she opened her eyes when Kara’s hand found hers and brought it to her mouth. Lena’s hand trembled at the way the answer became so clear then and there, as Kara’s lips sent signals through her skin and because she was who she was, she wanted to explore with her fingers and her eyes. She only wanted the softest things for Kara, those were the notes she heard and so she thought not of bricks but of the wings of a hummingbird and the petals of a peony. As Kara moved with her, her hand traveled over the softest terrain and she wanted to cover Kara up like a cloud, like a place where Kara wanted to be, gentle like air and pulled by flight and Lena couldn’t help it really when she smiled against Kara’s lips because they smiled back and she wanted inside this wondrous being, this girl who fell from the stars and into her life, to figure her out and to know the answers to every question she ever had. Kara’s hands in her hair kept her grounded and reminded her of how the branches of an oak tree would dip down in the summertime breeze and tickle her hair and she closed her eyes at the thrum of Kara’s skin under her mouth. She felt Kara stop breathing and all she could think about was the ocean and she slowed when she heard her name drifting over the waves, when Kara called to her across galaxies and Lena reached out, reached in to find her before it all made sense, before she found Kara and it felt a lot like flying and it felt a lot like where she wanted to be and who she wanted to be with. And when she felt Kara crying, not out of sadness, but out of salvation and deliverance, Lena covered her up again and let her lips fall all over Kara as a ‘thank you’ and as a ‘please’ and as a ‘finally’ and it was the same song she heard Kara’s skin singing under hers, the same words, the same notes and Lena never wanted this feeling, this actual feeling, to end because Lena Luthor was in love with the heart of a superhero, with the heart of Kara Zor-El, tender, strong and sure of itself._

There would have to be a million dollar payment and even that would not be enough to make Kara answer her phone, the one that was buzzing and the one she was going to ignore. Life could wait, National City could wait, she wanted her morning right here with Lena and nothing else.

“You’re not going to answer Alex’s call, are you.”

Kara kept her eyes closed and pressed in tighter, her mouth finding the back of Lena’s neck and smiling into the softest hairs that tickled her lips.

“No way. I have earned this day off. Or is it the weekend?”

She felt Lena pull her hand up until it tucked under her chin and Lena’s body pressed back into her, soft curves and hips adjusting and feeling at home in her bed. It was pretty much perfect so Kara made note to replicate this as often as possible. And add breakfast at some point into the mix when they woke up (ps to that thought = bacon). She kept her eyes closed and tangled her legs with Lena’s, breathing in and out in time with the body in front of her.

“Honestly Kara, I have no idea what day or time it is anymore. I lost track a week ago I think.”

“Me too. I feel like it might be spring?”

“No clue. I remember snow.”

“Melting? Flowers? Is it crocus time?”

“Maybe?”

“The world can live without us for a day, right?”

“...mm, I hope so..I don’t want to move..”

“..me either..”

“..let’s not..”

“..sounds good...”

“Kara…”

“...I’m still here, Lena...”

“...I like this feeling..of you being here..”

“I like when you’re happy..”

“..I like when you are too..”

“..let’s keep making each other happy..”

“..mm hmm..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://theamericanscholar.org/joyas-volardores/
> 
> ps. https://youtu.be/N-uXtxKXkb8


End file.
